The One About The MLK Day

The sentence read, "MLK was a good man."

Dave sez,

There were other sentences on Ethan's paper. "The Earth orbits the Sun", "January is the first month", "Sixteen oz equal one lb." and "How much do you weigh?" In the newcomers program, Justin and Ethan have had sentences that cover topics in class during that week. Sentences about different things they cover in class like the months of the year, the holidays, geography and astronomy. Of course there's always the wild card(s) - "Sixteen oz equal one lb." and "How much do you weigh?"

Now, I could hear that Ethan was having trouble. Like his brother, he has trouble with small, transitional words. The little words; "the" and "a". So, what they both would see and read aloud would be, "January is first month." My Grandma Sophie, from Norway, never lost her thick accent and pretty much talked the same way. So we fixed that first sentence. Instead of "January is first month." Ethan re-wrote it as "January is the first month." We worked on his pronunciation of "Jan-yoo-airy"; and then, "or-bit". I looked at "oz" and "lb" and he re-wrote that as "ounces" and "pound". We worked on rounding and softening his pronunciations, like "how" ("How now brown cow") and "How much do you weigh?"

And then, there was that sentence.

"MLK was a good man."

What's "MLK" Ethan?

MLK.

Yeah, but what is it?

I dunno.

Is "MLK" short for Martin Luther King, Ethan?

Yes.

Tell me about him, Ethan.

He vuhs a gut man. Ethan grinned. He giggled a little.

He was a "good man", huh? What made him a good man?

I dunno. Church?

Ethan, did Martin Luther King believe something very important? Like, say maybe President Abraham Lincoln, that all men are created equal?

Yeah.

This was such an opportunity.

I thought I would put in a way that Ethan and I could connect.

Ethan and I have some things in common. I am discovering that he is a comic book geek just like me! That's Christmas, Father's Day and my birthday! While he is not a Batman fan, he is a Green Lantern fan.

Green Lantern Alan Scott

Nope, not that one. That's the original, Golden-Age Green Lantern, Alan Scott. There is a legend that he may have been modeled on actor Alan Ladd. That may be just an urban myth, like Batman's supposed to be.

Green Lantern Hal Jordan

Nope, not him either. That's test pilot Hal Jordan. One of the greatest Green Lantern's ever. There's a legend that he is modeled after actor Paul Newman. He was played by Ryan Reynolds a few years ago in a film that could have been - and done - better.

Guy Gardner

Nope.

Kyle Rayner

Nope.

Green Lantern John Stewart

Ethan is a fan of John Stewart. Which is pretty cool, because so am I! I'm a fan of John Stewart

Not to be confused with Jon Stewart.

I gave Ethan a couple of my comics with John Stewart.

I pointed at Alan Scott and said, MLK - Martin Luther King, Jr. - believed that there was no difference between him - Alan Scott - and him - John Stewart. He believed that they would both be heroes.

There was a time when being a Dad seemed like a far-off dream. I've been living - and sometimes struggling with -  my dream for just a couple of years now. This is as new to me as it is to my boys. We're all in the newcomers program. Together.

Most importantly, I have a dream that my boys grow to become good men. That they stand on values and beliefs. That they stand on truth, honesty and hard work. I hope I can teach that example.



²⁶ So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, ²⁷ for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. ²⁸ There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. ²⁹ If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.

~ Galatians 3: 26 - 29

On The Other Hand

Dave sez,

Hey there! Happy New Year! We are Cathy and Dave. This is the story of how we have gone from being a couple, to a family. Parents through adoption. It has been a long and winding journey. We are enjoying our adventure with our two boys, Ethan and Justin, and on the edge of our next journey to bring our daughter, Masha, home...

I am wrestling with a hesitation and an overwhelming eagerness to share this with you. Let me tell you some of the things I am telling myself: I am learning as a Dad that there are some things that are personal and private. Confidences, trust, girls, shortcomings and blemishes. As excited as I am to climb up on my roof and shout to the world, what my sons tell me is something I should put into a box in my heart and be glad they finally felt comfortable telling me. I'm only as good to them as the word and promise I give them. The trust that we have is what they will base all trust on. Their shortcomings and failings, like any one's is between them and their Creator.

At the same time, though, I see no reason why I shouldn't climb up on the roof and SHOUT what I am proud of. I consider myself blessed. Not lucky. I don't believe in coincidence. I think that's one of Gibb's rules. I like to celebrate days that end in "Y". I'm an optimist. I see greatness in my boys and I see that I'm the guy with the polish and the rag; or, the hammer and chisel - pick your favorite metaphor. I'm the guy who puts in the long hours, the hard work and the sweat that probably will only pay off generations from today. I think I'm entitled to climb up on the roof to celebrate the small victories today. He said, with a wink and a smile. The small milestones and victories today will add up to things my boys will look back on tomorrow. Justin has been asking, begging and pleading with me to come outside with him and Ethan and go sledding and have a snowball fight. "Please Popi! We did it when it was just you and me! We need to do it now with Ethan, too!" We go sledding. At the bottom of the hill, we roll around in the snow together and throw snowballs at each other. Later, when we come back in the house, Justin says, "Thank you for coming outside and playing with us." I look at him and smile. "Just be sure to tell my grand kids what a great guy I was, okay?" He rolls his eyes.

What I want to share with you is an English homework assignment that Justin and I worked on together. It hasn't been graded, or the grade hasn't been posted yet. I'm not sure of the etiquette of that. My gut is telling me a few conflicting things. I don't want to be that Dad. But I want to be that Dad. If you know my dad, you might have a picture of him. What I know about my Dad is he didn't talk much. He was a quiet guy. I know very little about his life growing up. Maybe I didn't show any interest or ask the right questions. Maybe I didn't meet him in the middle. He showed some interest in the things I liked. He came from that generation that just assumed love and affection was a given. When I got my first job in broadcasting, he introduced himself as my Dad and asked people what radio station they listened to, and, "Why don't you give the radio station my boy works on a listen?"

I tell my boys I love them every chance I get.

Justin's English class was reading Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. The assignment was to pick a character from the story and complete an activity as that character. Now, I get all English and reading. Cathy gets Math and numbers. We do "rock, paper, scissors" for everything else. Justin was trying to figure out which character to pick and which activity to complete. We looked over the list, and I tried to help with the decision. There was one character I felt would help him capture the heart of the story. Fred. I did a quick Google and Wikipedia search. I did not share this with Justin, I kept what I read there to myself. We spent some time talking about the story, and Fred. The activity for Fred, was to send his Uncle Ebenezer an invitation to Christmas dinner with a one-page letter encouraging him to accept and come. We sat down and started writing. I encouraged Justin to remember that this activity was for him to step into Fred's shoes and consider Scrooge his own uncle. We talked about how important family is. I think, considering the journey we all have been on together, this would be an important lesson. This would rise above any grade this assignment might get. That's why I feel so compelled to share our work.

Family.

Any errors and inaccuracies are our own, not the original material.

Here is the letter that my son and I wrote together:

Based on characters from Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol"

Created by Justin and Popi

December 17, 1843

My Dearest Uncle Ebenezer,

            Happy Christmas!

           

It is my greatest hope that this letter finds you well.

           

The reason I’m writing you, is to invite you to a Christmas dinner party. You will find enclosed, an invitation. We do hope that you will be able to join us.

           

I was very sad that you were not able to join us to celebrate at my wedding. Elizabeth is wonderful and I am hoping that you have the opportunity to find out, and get to know her better. She comes from a fine family and they all will be joining us. There is nothing better than family, Uncle, especially at Christmas-time! I do hope that you can join us for carols and songs around the piano, punch and holiday cheer!

            Elizabeth will be cooking turkey. Her father raises them plump and fat for the holidays. We will have dressing, and potatoes. Her mother will be sharing a family recipe for cranberry sauce. For dessert we will have cakes and fig pudding! It will be a fantastic feast that both Elizabeth and I do hope that you will join us for!

            I’ve missed you terribly, Uncle. I remember when I was a boy, that we were much closer. You were so good and kind to me after Father and Mother’s passing. I am forever grateful that you took me under your wing. I miss our talks. You had so many things you wanted to do and so many hopes for me. I’d like to share some of the good times I have had just this year with you in the hopes they make you proud. All we seem to have time for is a quick Hello, and Good ‘morrow, and the weight of debtors on your shoulders. I fear that you have lost all hope and sunshine. Hopefully, we can restore some of that light once again!

            I am writing you this letter so you can realize that family is very important! I don’t want you to spend Christmas by yourself. Christmas-time is not the time to be alone away from family.

Please consider joining us for Christmas dinner, Uncle. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring or how many Christmases we be able to share.

Elizabeth and I look forward to seeing you.

Yours affectionately,

Fred

 

Our Blended Family

Dave sez,

Hi! Thanks for stopping by. We are Cathy and Dave. This is our continuing adventure as new parents with our boys, Justin and Ethan; and our adventure bringing our daughter Masha home. Thanks for keeping up and following along with us!

I grew up hooked on television re-runs of Gilligan's Island and the live action Batman starring Adam West and Burt Ward. So, I totally understood it, when we went to Kiev, Ukraine to bring our sons, Justin and Ethan home, we lost them at the same time every afternoon to Avatar: The Last Airbender and SpongeBob SquarePants on Nickelodeon. Justin and I spent almost a year bonding, watching Nickelodeon. We watched every episode of Avatar; and I got familiar with Mermaidman and Barnacle Boy - SpongeBob's homage to DC Comics' Aquaman and Aqualad. I got curious, so I did a Google search and learned that Ernest Borgnine and Tim Conway - who I had grown up with on reruns of McHale's Navy and The Carol Burnett Show - were now entertaining my son! Together we watched Big Time Rush, Victorious, Drake & Josh and iCarly. Cathy ended up leaving the room, because for months before Ethan came home, she had two boys; and now she has three.

Together we wore out the remake of The Karate Kid, with Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith. We can recite lines of dialogue from that movie! The Karate Kid for Justin is like The Blues Brothers, Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein - well, any Mel Brooks movie - is for me.

We've only had a couple of disagreements, Justin and I. The first was over the Star Wars prequel trilogy. Like most kids, he loved it. Like most diehard Star Wars fans, I can't stand Jar Jar Binks or Hayden Christensen. Justin's favorite of the three is Revenge of the Sith. Where Anakin Skywalker makes his final descent into evil and darkness as Darth Vader. As a fanboy, there are so many things wrong, starting with The Phantom Menace it's hard to know where to begin. I think it starts with George Lucas' tinkering with the original trilogy and adding extra scenes and special effects. The special effects were cool, but it seems like they got away from him.

The other disagreement we had was over comic book super hero cartoons. Justin is just not a fan of them like I am. He'll watch Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, The Incredible Hulk and The Avengers movies; but, not the DC Comics cartoons or movies. A couple weeks ago he asked Cathy why I collected comic books. Why I didn't just read the one - the ONE - I had. Ha! I laugh, because he is just as hooked on Avatar Aang as I am on Batman.

I'm sorry if this is a long walk around the park; but as much as Cathy and I are passing on to our boys, we are learning from them. Learning from them started a few days before Justin and I first came home. We were enjoying a quiet afternoon in the apartment in Kiev. Things had wound down and I wanted to catch up on some rest before our nineteen hour flight home. I was napping and Justin was channel surfing. He had found a movie on television. It was a Bollywood film starring Shah Rukh Khan, called Mohabbatein. It was a Hindi movie with subtitles translated into Ukrainian. Take a second to wrap your brain around that one. This was how Cathy and I started to learn more about our boys and where they were originally from.

Our boys have told us that they are originally from India. That they came to Kiev, Ukraine with their families and were abandoned by their families there.

Both Justin and Ethan are fans of Bollywood films. This is what Cathy and I are learning from our two boys. I think I've told you about Mohabbatein before. Shah Rukh Khan plays a music teacher that gets a job in a seminary and uses the opportunity to encourage the men to find true love. While in seminary. Like all Bollywood films, it's a musical. And three hours long.

We're making an effort to keep their original culture. Cathy makes Borscht - beat soup. In turn, the boys have developed a taste for spaghetti, chicken wings, pizza and hamburgers.  It was a long time in coming but Justin has developed a taste for biscuits and gravy. At first, he wasn't to crazy about it. He was a finicky, picky eater. Ethan's more of a seafood eater. He sees food - he smells food, he hears food - he eats it.

We make a big deal on Friday and Saturday nights -  when there's more time - to watch Bollywood films. We've watched Dhoom and Dhoom 2, about a couple of Mumbai policemen. Imagine if Rocky had been a musical. Or Die Hard. Or Terminator. We saw that Dhoom 3 was at the theater the other day, and we all were very excited. On a weekend that Anchorman 2 and Saving Mr. Banks opened, we went to see Dhoom 3.

Let me tell you why I liked Dhoom 3. It is set in Chicago! Like the Nolan-Bale Batman films, this film runs around the city! It tells the tragic story of an orphan circus boy that grows up to rob the bank that destroyed his ringmaster father's life. It's like The Prestige, with Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman and has been described as Now You See Me. You can immediately sympathize with this young man, because the bankers are portrayed as the real villains of the film. The Mumbai policemen - Abhishek Bachchan and Uday Chopra - come to Chicago and race around the city chasing the bank robber - on motorcycles. It's a very entertaining film. With subtitles. Did I mention it's set in Chicago? Dhoom 3 debuted at number nine of the Top Ten films - the highest ever US debut of a Bollywood film, making (3) Three Million Dollars it's opening weekend! Did I mention it was set in Chicago?

This is how I know we are becoming a blended family. Shared experiences. Like television shows, movies, food, music and books. We're getting there, just a little slower with their reading. It took Justin almost a year to develop an interest in reading. we're still working with on his reading and English skills. Like most boys, they're more interested in activity than sitting still reading.

I'm very curious about what we are going to learn from our daughter...
    

Family Member of the Year

Dave sez,

Hey! We are Cathy and Dave! We greatly appreciate your prayers, encouragement and support in our Adventure in Parenting with Ethan and Justin; and our Adoption Journey to bring our daughter, Masha, home. Right now we are keeping a very close eye on what's happening in Independence Square and our prayers go out to all Ukrainians for peace.

Here's what I've learned: this life we all share and enjoy, it's kind of a popularity contest. no matter how much we want to do the right thing, deep down we all want to be liked. I know I do. I want Cathy to like me. I want the boys to like me. I want friends. I want fans on Facebook and Twitter. Life is popularity. That's why we have contests and competitions and award shows and reality television. It's not just cheap entertainment. It's gratification and validation. It's self-esteem. I'd rather be motivated by doing the right thing, but it is so gratifying and fulfilling when someone notices!

Okay, that probably sounded better in my head before I typed it out.

Popularity is why we have more competitions and award shows and not fewer. That, and I know I like knowing what's worthwhile. Am I gonna like that movie coming out this week? How 'bout that new album? That new song? You like it, too? Then we have a shared experience! How cool is that?!

Okay, this is a long way around the block to get to TIME's Person of the Year. Pope Frances.

Last Year it was President Obama. The year before that The Protestor. Before that, it was Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg.

There were four others that were "Runner-Up" for the title. It got me thinking...

We've had our successes and challenges this year. Of all of us, I think Ethan has faced his challenges and accomplished so much in his first year in a "strange new world".

Ethan would be my choice for the First Ever Family Member of the Year!

It wasn't an easy adjustment for Justin his first few months home.

Life here, in a brave new world has been so different, complex and challenging for Ethan, even with Justin to lean on. Ethan has had to learn honesty and accountability. He came home and fell into a bad habit of lying and blaming Justin. He picked up the phrase from the Harland Williams comedy Rocket Man, "Not Me!" The boys squabbled. A lot. Ethan found himself slamming into a brick wall and continually beating his head against the same brick wall, trying to break it down. He spent a lot of time confused and perplexed. Every sentence started with "I want", instead of "May I?" He's spent the last year learning how to ask permission instead of making declarations. Sentences end with "Please?", now. I remind him that his mother is Mom and Ma'am and that when he is asked, encouraged and directed, the proper response is, "Yes, ma'am." Cathy does the same thing for me.

Justin faced the same mountain. He still struggles climbing. Some days he slides back down a little.

Our new world is such a big place. There's so much to do and see and experience. Justin is so anxious to do and see and experience everything, all at once, he sometimes frustrates himself.

Give Ethan a quiet corner where he can curl up and hibernate within himself playing video games and he is happy. The challenge has been to show Ethan that he has a place. A place at the table. A role in the family. A position on our team. A purpose in the grand scheme of things. Responsibility.

When he is around people he tries so hard to be liked that he tries too hard. I remember those days as a boy. 

The challenge for Ethan in his first year has been focus and direction. He's been working diligently to be aimless. I spent a lot of time doing that myself at his age. So, the challenge for me as his father, is to be motivated and patient. Motivated to help him build positive momentum; and patient for results. Eventually.

I tell him as often as I can that I see greatness in him. All he has to do is let it out.

The State of Our Ethan

Dave sez,


Hi! We're Cathy and Dave. Thanks for dropping by. Thanks for supporting, encouraging, promoting and being a part of our ongoing Adventures in Parenthood and Adoption Journey.

Life is full of milestones. Next May 6th, will mark our twenty-fourth wedding anniversary. Next August will be ten years since Cathy was diagnosed with cancer and had life-saving surgery. Next year will also mark fourteen years that my dad has been gone. Cathy's mother passed away at 51 in '97. Her dad passed away a few years later, a year or so after my dad. This passed Sunday, December 1st, Cathy hit ten years in Research Accounting at The Clinic. (When you talk to her, you'll have to ask her what she got to mark the special occasion. I don't want to spoil it, but I'm sure she'd like to brag and gloat about it because it is pretty cool. There is a sparkle in her eye when she talks about the honor in marking the milestone. But, I'm sure she doesn't want to be too loud and boisterous about it. So, maybe catch her with a private message.)

 

Today, December 7th, 2013, marks a very special milestone. One year ago today, our son, Ethan, came home to stay for good.

A few years ago, we thought we would be lucky enough to have one child. The struggle was hard and challenging. We wanted a newborn. An infant to start our family. I wasn't sure, but I attached a lot of negativity to the phrase "special needs". In my mind it was equal to "handicapped", and I just wasn't sure that I could rise to the occasion. We look at our options and we tried several programs to see what fit us. By December of 2010, I was ready to give up. We'd been trying to adopt since the end of summer 2004 and we had no results to show for our effort. I was reaching a point where I was ready to accept that all I ever wanted was Cathy. I was ready to pour myself completely into work and church and community. I was frustrated, disappointed and angry. I guess, even with Cathy, I was lonely. I didn't have a son to play catch, or watch sports or Saturday morning cartoons with. I was starting to feel lost, wondering what purpose I had. Was this it? Was this what my life, what our life was all about?

That December, I posted a "New Year's Resolution" that I wanted to be a Dad in 2011. I committed. I went all in. We were very surprised to be connected to Justin, when he found us.

We thought he would be enough.

Then we heard about his cousin, Ethan. Cathy and I heard that Justin and Ethan had been together from the beginning. 

 

Instead of just having one child - one son - now became the plan to have two.

Cathy and I went from being a couple to being a family of four.

Ethan needed a family. Every child needs a family. Justin needs a family. Both boys needed and need a Mom and a Dad. Ethan lives like no one is looking. He's loud when he shouldn't be. He's unfocused, aimless and directionless. I see in my son some of the same traits and qualities I had to overcome growing up. Being awkward and inappropriate. I see in him that my work is cut out for me. I don't fault any one for the way he came to me. I think I'm pretty lucky and blessed that, where I started out thinking I would be lucky enough to have one child, either a son or a daughter, I didn't stop with just one. My son, Justin introduced me to my son Ethan; and, my son Ethan introduced me to my daughter Masha. And when I say "me", I mean me as in Cathy and me.

The challenge that we're finding is the same that every parent faces. We're like a juggler or a plate spinner. We have Justin in motion, and we have to keep everything going with him and keep him moving forward and keep him making progress. Keep the positive, forward momentum going. Now, we've added Ethan. We have to start him on his way, make his path straight, and focused and directed; while keeping and not forgetting about Justin; while not forgetting about Ethan. Soon, we'll be adding not just another plate to the dinner table, but one to the "juggling act", named Masha! It's a pretty delicate balance, but the result is worth it.

What I enjoy about Ethan is that I am finding my geek wingman. One of the things that he has shared with me is that he likes comic books and cartoons. He told me that his favorite character is Green Lantern John Stewart. I'm a Batman fan. I like Spider-Man, too. I have to admit, though, being a white guy, I'm a fan of Green Lantern Hal Jordan. ( I bet you didn't know that there is a legend that Hal Jordan was modeled on Paul Newman. It may just be an urban legend, but take a second and let that sink in.) As much as I like re-discovering Star Wars and seeing Avatar: The Last Airbender and SpongeBob through Justin's eyes; it is awesome what I am learning from my son Ethan.

Green Lantern John Stewart

As much as Cathy and I am teaching them, we are learning so much from them. Ethan is just into cartoons and comic books. He's into WWE! Or, Dubba-Dubba-Eeeeeeee! His favorite wrestler is "JOHN CENA"!!!

"JOHN CENA"!!!

Ethan's eyes and the way he sees the world is totally unique and individual. It is amazing and awesome to see things from a different perspective from Cathy and Justin through Ethan.

When Cathy and I got married we were told to celebrate our differences and not to make what is different and unique and individual about us a hang-up or a stumbling block. It's cool to share interests with my boys - and soon with all my kids. But it is so cool to share and celebrate each other for what we are.

One year ago today, my son Ethan came home to stay. Our world will never be the same.

"You talkin' t'me?"

I'm glad.

Welcome home, Ethan. Welcome home son.
    

  

First Thanksgiving

Ethan (center) with Justin on his back along with Megan, Matthew and Alicia

Dave sez,

Hi! We're Cathy and Dave, thanks for dropping by. This is the ongoing story of how we are building our family through adoption. Right now, we're just waiting to bring our daughter Masha home to join her brothers, Justin and Ethan.

We're very close to the end of Ethan's first year home. His "anniversary" is coming up December 7th. This was his First Thanksgiving.

There's a family tradition that we enjoy with my brother-in-law (Cathy's brother) Keith, our sister-in-law, Lyn and the kids. Before we eat, before we ask the blessing on Thanksgiving, we go around the table and tell each other what we are thankful for. This year it was enjoyable going 'round the table and hearing what all the kids had to say. Megan was first and this year she is thankful that she can tell all her friends that she finally has cousins! Ha! We all got a kick out of that. When Ethan's turn came up...

Ready for the Zombie Apocalypse, but...

Normally, Ethan is pretty loud, and boisterous. He talks big..and loud. He sings loud. He laughs loud. Have I mentioned that my boy Ethan is loud? Well, this usually very loud boy, said very softly and quietly that he was thankful for his Mom and Dad.

I can only imagine that Cathy was as proud as I.

I wish I could say that Ethan was less of a challenge; that he was more easy-going than Justin.

Fear is a pretty powerful thing.

One thing that has stuck with me from our training is that even small children, infants, can be imprinted on a cellular level with abandonment. I think Ethan loves and craves attention. Our boys express themselves differently. Ethan doesn't seem as confident and bold as Justin. he seems to need a little bit of encouragement and coaxing. With his lack of confidence and esteem, he's a bit forgetful.

Ethan's first year has been just like Justin's first year. getting used to a new routine. Bonding. building a bridge of trust that goes both ways. Changing course and steering a new direction.

Replacing fear, that comes out as anger, with love.

"...We can rebuild him. We have the technology...Better! Stronger! Faster!"

     

First Halloween

Darth Justin and Obi-Wan Ethan

Dave sez,

I have a confession. Well, actually, I have a couple of confessions. First, I'm not a big fan of Halloween. The faith that my parents handed down to me was that I didn't go Trick-or-Treating as a kid. I don't dislike or hate Halloween, I just never developed an affection for it. As a comic book geek, I think comic book character cos-playing (shorthand for costume playing) is interesting to the point where there is an actual online World Super-Hero Registry. You can click the link and find the super-hero nearest you. We have our very own "urban legend" super-hero, called Geist. Part of me thinks that kinda pretty cool. Up to the point that reality sinks in, and the realization hits me that a super-hero is basically a vigilante; a person that takes the law into his or her own hands. Then there's the danger factor. Unless you have a huge amount of disposable income to spend on Kevlar and body armor, you're basically out on the street risking a smack-down beating or worse. I have a low thresh-hold of pain, so, I would basically end up as a Red Shirt. The basic problem that I have at this time of year is the same problem we all face. The glut of merchandising around Halloween, Christmas and to a lesser extant New Year's Eve. There's fewer merchandising opportunities for Thanksgiving, what with it being about sitting with family around the table eating as much as humanly possible - to the point of spontaneous human combustion.

But this year was Ethan's First Halloween, and our first opportunity to go trick-or-treating with both boys. We were kinda rushed with getting Justin enrolled in school when he first came home two years ago, so we skipped Halloween. Last year, Cathy and I were bringing Ethan home, so we were blessed with friends that stepped in and took him trick-or-treating. Last year, my sister gifted Justin with an Aang costume so he could go as Avatar: The Last Airbender. Over the last year, Justin has developed a boy-crush on the tragic and troubled Anakin Skywalker and his alter-ego Darth Vader. So, he went as Darth Justin and his older brother went as Obi-Wan Ethan from the Star Wars: The Clone Wars series.

I won't spoil their fun by telling them that there is no possible way that Star Wars: The Original Trilogy Darth Vader and Star Wars: The Clone Wars Obi-Wan Kenobi could co-exist in the same space and time. I won't tell my boys that by the time Anakin Skywalker has prosthetic legs, arm and body armor as Darth Vader, Obi-Wan Kenobi had gone into hiding on Tatooine. Even though, both had the power of The Force they chose to ignore each others very existence for close to twenty years. Apparently, The Force only works at close range. So, a picture of Darth Vader standing with his lightsaber at the ready next to Obi-Wan Kenobi with his lightsaber at the ready is completely and totally improbable, not just simply impossible. I'll probably wait until the boys are older, and probably dating or about ready to get married when I hit them with that revelation. Anything else would be too Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.

Even though I'm not a huge fan of Halloween, it was nice to spend time with other parents in the neighborhood, and seeing a sense of community. In one cul-de-sac, we found neighbors had lit a fire pit. Another neighbor across from them had brought the candy bowl outside and set it on a table next to a grill that was fired and grilling hotdogs. Candy for the kids and hotdogs with chips for the parents. That was a nice touch.

The other confession I have is that I have probably been wearing rose-colored glasses for the past couple years. Expecting that because we waited so long to be connected with our kids, that we would have a "happily ever after". That everything would be The Brady Bunch, or worse yet, idyllically perfect. That all the anger and pain and hurt of rejection and abandonment that both Justin and Ethan have gone through would just evaporate with a hug. That's not true. There have been fewer posts on Ethan, because we are all struggling and wrestling with the challenges that he faces. Underneath his sweet, smiling face is a boy that has never been given one-on-one attention, focus or direction. It has been a challenge for Cathy and me, and for his teacher in the Newcomers Program at school to manage him and get him to settle down. We've had a tremendous amount of help from his teacher, the same teacher that Justin had, because Ethan is not the only student she has that is adjusting to new things and new surroundings. Cathy and I knew that Ethan and Justin were different. More and more we are finding out just how different they are. Ethan needs twice as much attention, focus and love than Justin needs. Justin needs a lot of love to counteract the anger and hurt that is pent up inside due to the betrayal he feels. Ethan needs to be focused and directed.

We have our good days. And then we have days where the wheels completely come off. Sometimes, one of us, or, all of us have a bad day. We have our equal share of good days and bad days. Some days the peaks are very high. Some days the valleys are very low. Some days it feels like carrying a rock on our shoulders up hill through a blizzard.

I try to remember what Tom Hanks said about baseball in A League of Their Own. What he said about baseball doesn't just apply to baseball. It's a principle that can be applied to just about anything. The line was something like, baseball's not easy. "If it wasn't hard every one would do it."

 

"The hard is what makes it great!"