So Justin has been home just a little over four years now. He's adjusting and fitting in. Like most of us were and are in high school, he's desperate to find his niche with the "cool crowd" and fit in.
We will celebrate Ethan's third anniversary home with us in just a few days, on December 7th. To me, it is still "a date that will live in in-FAMY!"
Bella's second anniversary home comes up at the end of next May, 2016. She has a young man in her life now. Her First Boyfriend. They've been an item since the end of Summer.
One of the things I've learned over the last few months is that adoption includes everything. We didn't just adopt three children. We adopted their habits. Their character. We adopted their choices and decisions. Their friends. Their potential. Their ambition...or lack of it.
November has been the annual National Adoption Month. Over the last few weeks there has been a lot of talk about refugees.
I have to be honest, I don't have an opinion. Even if I did, I don't think I have a place to share it. I've come to the conclusion that most people are blowhards. I include myself when I say that. I like movies, television shows and music. It really doesn't matter to me whether or not Charlie Sheen is HIV-positive. It doesn't matter to be whether or not he was blackmailed or pressured into the confession. I don't care if Kim Kardashian wants a natural child birth over a C-section, for purely cosmetic reasons. I'm just thinking about how to get from the beginning of my day to the end. Without a lot of psychological or emotional damage.
I have a lot of opinions that I choose to keep to myself. I think more people should do that. But then, there wouldn't be blogs or news programs or networks.
As concerned as I am for my family's safety, and the safety of this Country, let me share a couple of things I learned through our adoption journey that I reflect back on in forming an opinion on allowing refugees to become American citizens.
It was either the first or second night we had arrived in Kiev to bring Justin home. We had found a Russian restaurant. It was amazing. There was a waiter there who spoke English. He was very friendly and he took very good care of us. Both the service and the food was fantastic. The Russian salad and the borscht were delicious. It was late when Cathy and I left our friends to walk back to our apartment.
Up the street, a man was getting out of a car. He walked toward, then passed us. He dropped a zip lock bag of cash. Without thinking, instinctively, I reached down, picked it up and handed it to him. The next thing I know, he's saying there were two bags of cash, one of hrivnas, which I handed him, another of US dollars, which he claimed I held on to. A "plainclothes officer" came over to "help" and they both searched us. They made off with the big bills we had on us.
We learned that there are no plainclothes officers in Ukraine.
We learned that in any disagreement like that the proper response is, Stop. Wait. Let me call the US Embassy.
We learned that no matter where you go, there are bad people; or people doing bad things.
We were told to blend in and not look like Americans or tourists. I spent the entire first trip, bringing Justin home, wearing a green plaid Rochester Honkers baseball cap. Not too many men in Ukraine wear hats or ball caps. Bringing Ethan home I bought two ball caps while there, one from the Chernobyl Hard Rock Cafe - there isn't one - and one was the blue and yellow Ukraine cap I wore everywhere for a year.
After Cathy went home, on all three trips, I tried to be as careful as I could.
I stopped in McDonald's before heading out to visit Justin. There were very few quiet booths or counters to sit at. The dining area is very much like a lunchroom. I ended up sitting across from a gentleman who struck up a conversation with me. He asked what I was doing in Kiev. Business or pleasure. I told him that my wife - who was back at the apartment - and I were adopting. I didn't volunteer much information, 'cos my Dad and Mom tol' me never to talk to strangers. He seemed pretty friendly. I don't remember all these years later what he told me about himself and how he came to be sitting across from me at McDonald's in Independence Square.
A year later, when Ethan and I got to the airport, a soldier motioned us into a small office where other officers asked him if he really wanted to go to America with me. Let me be clear, these Ukrainian soldiers asked my son in the airport before our nineteen hour flight home if he really wanted to come to America with me.
The next thing that happened was, there was an announcement in the airport over the PA that our flight to Frankfurt had been cancelled due to runway conditions there. We were sitting near a gentleman who turned to us and told us that there would be another announcement reversing that. There was. He struck up a conversation with Ethan. he turned to me and asked if I spoke Ukrainian. Then he told me that he could translate if there was anything I wanted to talk to my son about. It was one of those moments. There were so many things I wanted to tell my son, but not really anything I wanted to be translated. I wanted to tell him myself in a way that he would understand. And yet, this stranger was very kind and thoughtful.
And yet, we had Thanksgiving dinner with our host and her friends. Ethan helped prepare dinner. They asked me to pray over the meal. In English. They said "Amen."
Ukraine changed from the Fall of 2013 through the following Spring of 2014. Anyone old enough to remember the compound from the television series M*A*S*H will understand when I compare Independence Square to the 4077th Compound.
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| Kinda like this, but more tents, and a very narrow walking path |
The Double Click Cafe coffee house where I bought a soda and used the internet was closed, too.
We kept our heads down and didn't make eye contact.
There are signs on the inside of all the apartment doors warning not to open to anyone - even to police.
Every time I went to the American Embassy, all I had to do was walk up to someone and say I was an American. That was my All-Access Pass. There were a lot of native Ukrainians waiting on line for their chance to reach freedom.
So, should we adopt refugees? I don't know. There are just as many reasons not to as there are that it is both humanitarian and Christian.
Please don't compare today's refugees to Jewish refugees. The United States did inter Asians as a threat during World War II. That is a better comparison. We did take this land and conquer it and the indigenous population nearly wiping out an entire race and culture. We enslaved others. We have a history of domestic oppression. To this day, some Americans think that's not unusual. Or wrong.
What I do know is that on our first trip outside America, we were met with both the best and the worst. In our time of need, in adopting our children, we have seen great compassion and help from others. The people Cathy and I came into contact with in Ukraine were very generous, patient and understanding with us. We were strangers in a strange and foreign land. Trying to become a family.
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| Our family is a melting pot, kinda like this country says it is. |
Hope you had a great Thanksgiving, and that you experience the true fullness of the holiday season.
