Wednesday, March 6th, 2013, 7:59am
Dave sez,
If you're a parent, then you already know the lesson that Cathy and I are learning. You're always on and you'll get to sleep when your dead.
We enjoy spending our time like most parents do, running from one thing to the next. Justin has karate Tuesday and Friday nights, Thursday afternoons and Saturday mornings. He just had a tournament in Bloomington that he did very well at. This week he started indoor soccer at school. He's been bugging about dropping karate for soccer. For the last year, Justin has been asking, begging, pleading and nagging about soccer. It doesn't help that we live near a soccer field, or that he has a collection of at least a dozen soccer balls. We got him a Eurocup 2012 ball before we came home together. Since then, Cathy has been tracking down signature soccer balls from players like Christian Renaldo on Team Madrid. We've been trying to find a way to balance karate and soccer. Hopefully, indoor soccer a couple days a week at school will hold him until we can get him in a league.
Maybe you saw some of the pictures from our photo shoot. Week before last we went over to Essex Park, near the house with Tessa Leen and had some pictures taken. It was amazing to see the boys show off their personalities. There were a few things that Tessa asked us to do, but for the most part she just asked the boys to stand still long enough to capture them on camera. Being around Justin as long as we have been, we're pretty much kinda used to his signature poses, moves and smiles. We're getting used to seeing what Ethan comes up with. he has the signature "Thinker" and John Belushi one eyebrow raised move. He likes to do the goofy tongue wag move. That move kinda drives both Cathy and me crazy. All of a sudden, he break out that goofy face. Cathy will tell him to stop. I'll tell him to keep his tongue in his head.
What we're noticing is that Ethan has a few survival instincts that he needs to let go of. He really is like Jan Brady. He is constantly comparing with Justin. What we're trying to help him understand is that Justin has been home for a little over twelve months, and Ethan has been home only a few weeks. Tomorrow, March 7th, will mark three months since Ethan cam home to us for good. Ethan believes in entitlement. He doesn't ask, he announces what he is going to do next. It starts with the big bathroom announcement. "Me go bathroom!" I tell him every time that he doesn't need to release doves, roll out a red carpet and throw down rose petals. When my dad would excuse himself, Mom would always kid him that if he was gone "too long" she would send out a search party.
The next announcement is, "Me go play Wii!" Um, no, what you're looking for is "May I go play Wii?" Sentences that are questions begin with the words "May I".
Probably the funniest thing Ethan will do is when he is asking to play the PSP or DS, he will struggle with the words and outline the shape of the game with his fingers.
We've caught him speaking clearer English around other people when he didn't think we were watching. That did not go over well. Neither does his tattling on Justin.
Now, I believe that whistle-blowers should not be punished for revealing the truth. But there is a difference between uncovering something wrong and finger-pointing and assigning blame. We all do it.
When Mom and Dad tell you to do something, the acceptable response is, "Yes ma'am" or "Yes sir", not an entire monologue. Taking your plate to the sink is not an opportunity for debate. Garbage like gum wrappers go in the garbage can. Before putting your clothes in the laundry, empty your pockets. Unless it's money. No one wants to hear, "Justin, Justin, Justin!" Thanks for your help, but Mom and Dad see all and know all. We even know what you are thinking.
Justin's showed us a great deal of maturity and responsibility in the time that we've known him. Ethan has shown us that he believes he can skate and slide by just by flashing a sweet, toothy grin. He's become more of a challenge than Justin was. We could see that Justin was angry, and slowly that anger slipped away. We're trying to keep Ethan from developing into an arch-villain. We're trying to encourage cooperation and build teamwork, rather than competition. We're seeing that Ethan is very competitive with Justin.
The most important lesson we're revisiting with Ethan, that we still work with Justin every day on, is unconditional love. Love isn't earned, like privileges. Bad behavior doesn't take it away; good behavior doesn't make you a favorite or special or better. Love is an equalizer.
Really, when it's all said and done, time is love.
