The One About All The Hair Cutting

Dave sez,

As you can see, I don't really have to worry about haircuts anymore.

It was a conscious pre-meditated decision. I had the opportunity to be part of an ice-cream eating competition a few years back. I thought it would be fun to put a bet on it. I'd never been in any kind of eating contest before. The odds of me winning were slim to none. I was more grateful to be asked and glad to participate. I said if I lost I would shave my head. Turns out I liked the look and felt comfortable with it. With my thinning hairline, there was no going back.

Now, our boys on the other hand... Their hair grows pretty fast! Surprisingly fast! It seems like we're going to the barber every other week. It's really something more like six weeks. But it seems like we're always going to the barber. Mainly because as soon as we get home from the barber, the boys start asking, "When are we going to get a haircut?"

We were trying to plan the next visit, when Justin stopped asking.

It was this past Sunday morning. We're were getting ready for church. Ethan and Bella were at the table eating breakfast. I didn't see Justin. I thought he was prettifying himself in front of the bathroom mirror as usual. I went downstairs and found him in the bathroom - cutting his hair.

I was kind of surprised.

There was some hair on the bathroom floor and on the counter top. I expected that. I expected there to be some clean up afterward. A couple of days later there was some hair on the floor that he had missed. After a "thorough" cleaning.

I was surprised that there was no blood, or a missing ear, or a tragic, tragic folicular mishap. I was impressed that he was able to trim his own hair as well as he did. He did need some help cleaning up his collar line. I pulled out a straight razor and helped him with that. On the whole, he did a pretty good job.

I'm pretty impressed that he managed to keep a steady hand.

He looked at me with a smile on his face and said, "After church, I'll cut Ethan's hair!"

You're thinkin' the same thing I am, aren't you? Of course you are. 'Cos I'm thinking that at some point, Justin's going to get a wild idea about pranking his brother. He's going to trim a little to close, or there'll be some kind of "oops" moment of some kind. It could happen. It wouldn't unexpected.

What is surprising is the resourcefulness and ingenuity that Justin showed. Of course, there's the trust that Ethan had in Justin cutting his hair. Justin saw something that needed doing and he did it. That's pretty impressive. What's more his execution was as sure as his intent.

When a person sets his or her mind to it, nothing is impossible. Somethings are better choices than others. It's encouraging to see character as it develops. That makes any parent proud.

 

The One About The Mister-E

Dave sez,

There is nothin' like a piping mug of hot chocolate to warm the bones on one of the coldest nights in January. There's a Wind Chill Advisory posted. It's supposed to be around thirty-five below, Wind Chill Factor. It's not an Irish Hot Chocolate. Wish it were. I could go for a cold one. Or a stiff one. But the hot chocolate will do. For now.

I'm pretending to look over Ethan's test results. Last Friday he had a hearing test.

As a radio geek, I thought it was pretty cool. The audiologist welcomed us into a room with a chair in the middle. Like most clinic examination rooms there was a desk and a guest chair right inside the door. The desk had what looked like a small digital sound editor. I recognized it as something similar to the phone editor we use to take contest calls and requests in the control room. There was a supply cabinet above the desk. Next to the digital editor were ear bud covers in a rainbow of different colors. Between the desk and the chair in the middle of the room was a screen mounted on a swivel arm, and another arm with a bunch of different headphones. Behind the chair were speakers. some of the smaller speakers were covered in glass. There was a small monitor set to one side of the speaker array. The same set-up was on the opposite wall, to the left of the door. In one corner, behind the chair, was a small table. Above that was a poster hung on the wall, mapping out an ear canal. The walls were made of what looked like sound tiles. Instead of solid panels, there were tiny holes in the paneling. There was a door leading to a control room with a desktop and mixing board.

Jerry Hardin from The X-Files

The Audiologist was a kindly, older man. Neither Ethan or I knew what to expect; but the room and the audiologist put us at ease and made us feel comfortable.

It was funny to watch Ethan's face as the audiologist put the headphones into his ears. He had to make sure they were snug to get an accurate reading. There were a couple of times that Ethan screwed up his face like Popeye.

Strong to the finnich!

The audiologist spent a few minutes on tests from the control room. Then he came over to the desk for a few more tests on the digital editor. After that, he took us to another, smaller room, that just had a couple of chaise lounge chairs and a table with a desktop and printer. This was is not that greatthe last part of the exam. He led us back to the first room and printed out the results.

My mom is almost 84. She is hard of hearing because of her age. The only way she can hear is up close, with a loud, booming voice.

Over the course of my career, my hearing has deteriorated. Headphones are never loud enough. My hearing is not that great.

Ethan is having trouble in his classrooms because of his hearing. The next step is an audiologist will evaluate his classrooms to see what technology can help him there.

He has greater needs than his brother. Justin is a pretty healthy kid. We've been able to pin Ethan down as a year older than Justin, but less developed. Ethan is a couple of grades behind Justin. He reads at a third grade level. As much as I would like to encourage him to rise to the occasion and work harder to catch up, this may very well be Ethan's normal.

He's my son. I keep wondering every day if I am doing what's right for him. I ask for the guidance to provide the encouragement he needs. At his age, all I ever wanted to do was watch television and read comic books. I see that he needs the same prodding and motivation. Video games and social media have made us all like the folks in Wall*E.

Wowzers!

The struggle that Ethan, Justin and Bella all have is that they are waiting. Waiting for the next stage. The next milestone is sixteen, when they can start applying and hopefully get hired on jobs. Justin and Bella are chomping at the bit to work fast food. Ethan...not so much.

We're all trying to see what needs Ethan has, and how best those needs can be met. The most basic need my son has is support and encouragement no matter what. 

I love my boy. He may be a Mister-E... but, I want to be there for him. We are on this journey together, all of us. Every step of the way. 

The One About The Listening And The Hearing

Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, See No Evil

Dave sez,

If social media is the new water cooler, here's a slice of what people are talking about. Politics. Religion. Goals. Health, exercise and weight loss. The Oregon stand-off. Gun-control. Freedom. The Netflix documentary, How to Make a Murderer. The Packers losing every single important game at Lambeau Field. The Vikings playoff chances. Michael Weatherly leaving NCIS after thirteen seasons. Maybe I'm the only one talking about that last one. I am really bummed that he's leaving! He's been a huge part of the show. For thirteen seasons!

Our boy, Ethan has been struggling through his first semester, transitioning from the Newcomers Program to regular classes.

He had one A+ this first semester. Gym.

I just turned 50 this passed August. I could get an A+ in gym.

That's right. Tony Stark could get an A+ in gym. In a cave. With a box of spare parts.

I like to think that I am an inspirational motivator. I've got the memes to prove it. And yet, somehow I've managed to become my Dad.

What I have been struggling with on our journey is how to motivate Ethan. He comes home from school, just as I did when I was his age. He doesn't bring any work home from school. When asked, he doesn't have homework. He doesn't study. He doesn't like to read. There was a time when I didn't like to read. I was forced to at first. It was not fun. It was awkward. But I learned to enjoy reading. I get that some dudes are not readers. It's not cool. Boys are more active. If Ethan and Justin are not actively participating in sports, video games are the next best thing. Ethan loves wrestling and WWE. Like any boy he loves combat. That would explain the A+ in gym and the bad grades in every other class.

Cathy and I have had to take away his video game privileges. He has very, extremely limited electronic privileges. It's not fun, but we've gotten to the point where we micro-manage him. Conversation adjusts to passive-aggressive interrogation.

Since he's come home, we have been trying to discover his baseline. What is normal for Ethan?

He is not Justin. We don't want him to be. That wouldn't be right or fair. He needs to be the best Ethan he can be. But what is that? What does it look like?

Signs that he doesn't like school and struggles with classwork and homework can be easily misinterpreted. This is what we struggle with. We struggle with our son's natural inclination for video games and play. For sloth and laziness. For making easy choices and taking the path of least resistance. Decisions that snowball into bad grades.

We saw Justin struggle his first semester in middle school, too. He was stressed. It wasn't easy. His stress was compounded that first regular semester by Cathy and I going to bring Justin's brother Ethan home. All three of our children have gone through a tremendous amount of change in a short period of time. Adjusting hasn't been easy. The every day adjustment is to a new set of guidelines, rules and authority.

We developed a game plan for Justin just as much as he worked to develop a game plan for us. We saw the same thing from Ethan. He developed behaviors, habits and strategies as well. We had to develop a whole new plan for him. We saw Justin behave strong-willed, obstinate and bullheaded. Ethan was manipulative. He was smooth. He used his smile and phrases like, "It wasn't me!" and "I didn't know!" as long and as far as he could. He still uses it.

On top of being an older, special needs child, our boy Ethan may have a serious handicap. It is one thing to struggle with a learning disability. It is another when that is compounded by a hearing disability.

I know I was light-hearted. Maybe Ethan just has a thinking disability. Maybe it's all just motivation. He needs to have a fire lit under him. Ethan just needs the right encouragement.

What is the right encouragement for Ethan? It certainly is most definitely not the same encouragement Cathy and I would give Justin. For Justin, we point to a mountain, and we tell him, you go take that hill. For Ethan, it may just be stand up. Stand up, stand tall. Hold your ground.

I really am going to miss very Special Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo after he leaves NCIS. He made having The Plague look so easy...