On The Other Hand

Dave sez,

Hey there! Happy New Year! We are Cathy and Dave. This is the story of how we have gone from being a couple, to a family. Parents through adoption. It has been a long and winding journey. We are enjoying our adventure with our two boys, Ethan and Justin, and on the edge of our next journey to bring our daughter, Masha, home...

I am wrestling with a hesitation and an overwhelming eagerness to share this with you. Let me tell you some of the things I am telling myself: I am learning as a Dad that there are some things that are personal and private. Confidences, trust, girls, shortcomings and blemishes. As excited as I am to climb up on my roof and shout to the world, what my sons tell me is something I should put into a box in my heart and be glad they finally felt comfortable telling me. I'm only as good to them as the word and promise I give them. The trust that we have is what they will base all trust on. Their shortcomings and failings, like any one's is between them and their Creator.

At the same time, though, I see no reason why I shouldn't climb up on the roof and SHOUT what I am proud of. I consider myself blessed. Not lucky. I don't believe in coincidence. I think that's one of Gibb's rules. I like to celebrate days that end in "Y". I'm an optimist. I see greatness in my boys and I see that I'm the guy with the polish and the rag; or, the hammer and chisel - pick your favorite metaphor. I'm the guy who puts in the long hours, the hard work and the sweat that probably will only pay off generations from today. I think I'm entitled to climb up on the roof to celebrate the small victories today. He said, with a wink and a smile. The small milestones and victories today will add up to things my boys will look back on tomorrow. Justin has been asking, begging and pleading with me to come outside with him and Ethan and go sledding and have a snowball fight. "Please Popi! We did it when it was just you and me! We need to do it now with Ethan, too!" We go sledding. At the bottom of the hill, we roll around in the snow together and throw snowballs at each other. Later, when we come back in the house, Justin says, "Thank you for coming outside and playing with us." I look at him and smile. "Just be sure to tell my grand kids what a great guy I was, okay?" He rolls his eyes.

What I want to share with you is an English homework assignment that Justin and I worked on together. It hasn't been graded, or the grade hasn't been posted yet. I'm not sure of the etiquette of that. My gut is telling me a few conflicting things. I don't want to be that Dad. But I want to be that Dad. If you know my dad, you might have a picture of him. What I know about my Dad is he didn't talk much. He was a quiet guy. I know very little about his life growing up. Maybe I didn't show any interest or ask the right questions. Maybe I didn't meet him in the middle. He showed some interest in the things I liked. He came from that generation that just assumed love and affection was a given. When I got my first job in broadcasting, he introduced himself as my Dad and asked people what radio station they listened to, and, "Why don't you give the radio station my boy works on a listen?"

I tell my boys I love them every chance I get.

Justin's English class was reading Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol. The assignment was to pick a character from the story and complete an activity as that character. Now, I get all English and reading. Cathy gets Math and numbers. We do "rock, paper, scissors" for everything else. Justin was trying to figure out which character to pick and which activity to complete. We looked over the list, and I tried to help with the decision. There was one character I felt would help him capture the heart of the story. Fred. I did a quick Google and Wikipedia search. I did not share this with Justin, I kept what I read there to myself. We spent some time talking about the story, and Fred. The activity for Fred, was to send his Uncle Ebenezer an invitation to Christmas dinner with a one-page letter encouraging him to accept and come. We sat down and started writing. I encouraged Justin to remember that this activity was for him to step into Fred's shoes and consider Scrooge his own uncle. We talked about how important family is. I think, considering the journey we all have been on together, this would be an important lesson. This would rise above any grade this assignment might get. That's why I feel so compelled to share our work.

Family.

Any errors and inaccuracies are our own, not the original material.

Here is the letter that my son and I wrote together:

Based on characters from Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol"

Created by Justin and Popi

December 17, 1843

My Dearest Uncle Ebenezer,

            Happy Christmas!

           

It is my greatest hope that this letter finds you well.

           

The reason I’m writing you, is to invite you to a Christmas dinner party. You will find enclosed, an invitation. We do hope that you will be able to join us.

           

I was very sad that you were not able to join us to celebrate at my wedding. Elizabeth is wonderful and I am hoping that you have the opportunity to find out, and get to know her better. She comes from a fine family and they all will be joining us. There is nothing better than family, Uncle, especially at Christmas-time! I do hope that you can join us for carols and songs around the piano, punch and holiday cheer!

            Elizabeth will be cooking turkey. Her father raises them plump and fat for the holidays. We will have dressing, and potatoes. Her mother will be sharing a family recipe for cranberry sauce. For dessert we will have cakes and fig pudding! It will be a fantastic feast that both Elizabeth and I do hope that you will join us for!

            I’ve missed you terribly, Uncle. I remember when I was a boy, that we were much closer. You were so good and kind to me after Father and Mother’s passing. I am forever grateful that you took me under your wing. I miss our talks. You had so many things you wanted to do and so many hopes for me. I’d like to share some of the good times I have had just this year with you in the hopes they make you proud. All we seem to have time for is a quick Hello, and Good ‘morrow, and the weight of debtors on your shoulders. I fear that you have lost all hope and sunshine. Hopefully, we can restore some of that light once again!

            I am writing you this letter so you can realize that family is very important! I don’t want you to spend Christmas by yourself. Christmas-time is not the time to be alone away from family.

Please consider joining us for Christmas dinner, Uncle. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring or how many Christmases we be able to share.

Elizabeth and I look forward to seeing you.

Yours affectionately,

Fred