First Fourth

Children of Hope Summer Trip to Crimea

Dave sez, Justin asked if we could go to the pool. Last summer, he and Ethan spent nearly every weekend there.

So, we went to Shopko to get Bella a bathing suit. She wasn't having any of it. She was being particularly difficult. But then, we were all standing around her, trying to help her decide what kind of bathing suit to pick.

"No! I don't want!" She kept saying to Mom.

Cathy had four different selections and a skirt. Her brothers were voting for their selection. "C'mon, Bella!" they were saying.

Since it was the Fourth, the pool was only open until five.

We needed the wisdom of Solomon.

Pick two. The nicest two, and the skirt, and let's go. That's what I heard myself say. I'm not sure if it was exasperation or inspiration. I hate shopping. I'm a hunter/gatherer. I get in, get what I need and go. My idea of an eternal hell is walking up and down every aisle of the grocery store. It's torture. Make a list, shop the necessary aisles and move on. Shopping is a journey, not a destination. It is something on the way to another thing. This was a bathing suit on the way to the pool.

Then we discovered that Justin was wearing Ethan's sandals. He'd outgrown his own and needed new ones. There wasn't a boys size five anywhere to be found. You can tell the difference between boys and girls flip-flops, even when they are designed to be unisex. I'd reached the point where I wanted to claw the skin off my face. If Ethan didn't mind loaning Justin his sandals; and Justin didn't mind borrowing same, there was no real threat to the delicate balance of the universe. We could leave well enough alone. So we did.

We left the store with the option that Bella could swim if she wanted to or sit poolside with Mom.

Four to six weeks a year, the kids of Children of Hope orphanage headed down to the Black Sea of Crimea for a summer trip. I'm thinking that that ended when the Soviet Union retook the region not to long ago. We have pictures of both boys with the other children enjoying their time there. Bella may have gone on a couple of trips there, but there really is no sure way to know if she went swimming. There's no local pools near the orphanage or in Kiev like we have here. Her first Fourth may have included her first bathing suit with the option to swim.

I've been married for nearly a quarter century. I make no claim to understanding women. With Bella I can see clues and signs that she might be self-conscious. She might not be ready to put on a swimming suit and take the plunge. Which is fine. We'll sit topside and watch the boys together. Maybe that's another reason she picked the new name Isabella.

After the pool, I thought it would be nice to head over to where the Memorial was, not too far away.

Ethan, Justin and Bella at the Gettysburg Address

We walked all the way around the outside and then the inside of the Memorial. Ethan and I looked at the number of casualties and wounded. He asked if we could watch a war movie. Since we would be heading to watch fireworks, I told him we could watch a war movie tomorrow (Saturday). I was trying to think which war movie would be right for them to see. Saving Private Ryan? Then it hit me. It was the Fourth. The Patriot. It is not just a war movie, or a movie about Independence. It is a Hollywood, glamourized version of how a father protects his children and fights for the cause of freedom. There are moments when Mel Gibson's father tries to instruct his headstrong son, Heath Ledger. The exchange when Heath Ledger returns to his regiment always gets me. Ledger says he is not a child.

"You're my child!" Gibson barks at him. Gibson's character's whole reason for not engaging in the war for independence is that he is a widowed father of seven. He tells the congress that he's a parent and he doesn't have the luxury of principles. When one son is shot dead and his eldest - Ledger - is taken off to the gallows by Lucius Malfoy, he changes. At first Justin didn't want to watch the movie. He didn't want to watch a violet war movie. He went into his room. It was right before Malfoy fired that he had wandered back out. He sat and watched for a bit. "He looks familiar," Justin said of the Colonel. "Where do I know him from?"

"You cost me my servant!" I said to him, followed by my best, "You shall not harm Harry Potter!"

Oh, yeah...

We discovered the night before that this is Justin's third Fourth and Ethan's second. We talked a little bit about "freedom" and "independence". Who makes us free. Free from what? To do what?

Lee Greenwood's song is pretty much a staple this time of year. I don't like many Billy Ray Cyrus songs; but, he does have one that is right for the Fourth.

"All gave some/Some gave all".

Getting To Know You/Getting To Know All About You...

 

Dave sez, Our children are miracles, I am convinced. At just the right time, Justin found us. Nine months after he came to visit us, we brought him home. While we were over in Kiev, he introduced us to Ethan. He came to visit a couple months later, over Christmas and New Years. Eleven months later, Ethan came home to stay. While we were in Kiev to bring him home, he introduced us to Bella. That was November, 2012. She finally came home to stay a little over thirty days ago.

First Shave

If you are a parent, the FIRST lesson you learn is that nuh-thang can prepare you to be a mom or a dad. There are books you can read; we've read books. There are workshops; we've done workshops. There's counselling; we've gone to counselling. We saw a counselor who led us through a workshop session and then sold us a book. We're re-reading it, it's a really good book.

We knew that Ethan would be excited to have Bella home as his sister. He was the one who asked.

"Masha...sister?"

We spent time with both kids together in Kiev before Ethan came home for good. His question almost every day was, "When will we talk to Masha?"

We weren't sure how excited Justin would be to have a sister. Especially one he hadn't met, spent time with, or gotten to know.

Justin was really very self-conscious about talking with Bells on Skype. He had forgotten quite a bit of Ukrainian in the Newcomers program while we were getting ready to bring Ethan home. We had to keep telling him that Bella needed to hear our voices and see our faces. It didn't matter what we talked with her about. We took her on a tour around the house; we showed her our yard; we introduced her to her new dogs, Max, Maize and Peanut. We just talked to her. The important thing was to let her know we loved her and she would be coming home soon.

We hadn't forgotten her.

I kept telling her that we were coming to bring her home soon. My definition of "soon" was to stretch out my arms and hold my hands apart. By January, I was holding my hands just inches apart under my chin.

"Soon."

 

And then, we were all home. Because of what was going on in Kiev, we didn't go out very much.

 

Justin had a couple of things to adjust to. First, that his sister, Bella, is a girl. B, she's not much of a tomboy. The best way to describe Justin is that he is an Energizer Bunny.

 

He just keeps going, and going, and going, and going; until he flops into bed at the end of the day to go to sleep - and even then he has to be tied down and sedated. We don't really do that, but you kinda get the idea. He's indefatigable. He can get up, get ready for school; play a little one-on-one before the bus; shoot some hoops after school; hop on the trampoline, then watch a block of Avatar and still not be ready for bedtime.

Ethan, on the other hand, is happy as a clam to sit downstairs by himself and play video games. He has little energy and a short attention span for much physical activity. He reminds me so much of me. I guess when I was younger I would have been considered either Goth or a vampire, because I hardly ever went outside; I thought I would either melt or fry in direct sunlight.

I really wish I could stop making an ash of myself...

We didn't ask questions about Bella while we were in Kiev to bring Ethan home. We didn't ask many questions before going to bring her home. We agreed that we would find out every thing about her at our SDA appointment and from the orphanage when we went back to bring her home. What we found out was that she is a little more like Ethan than Justin.

As excited as Justin is to have his sister home; he's just a little bit bummed out that she can't keep up with him. That she doesn't even try! Of course, she came home and was immediately overwhelmed by two brand new brothers! The first thirty days she hasn't really had much personal space from her brothers. She's taken to spending whatever free time she can steal away from them in her room.

Said the Energizer Bunny in frustration about his sister, "She sucks!" Remember girls, he's single! And quite the catch!

Now, I kid, because I love.

Justin is worried that he is losing his special relationship with Mom. She has a daughter to have things in common with. Justin is worried that he'll be replaced. He has to sit next to Mom, between her and Bells on the sofa. Hopefully sooner rather than later the light bulb will go on. We're being patient and waiting for Bells to come out of her shell a little. Ethan...well, he's pretty much Ethan. His Ethan-ness is pretty much unique. Sometimes bordering on legendary. He has his moments. We all do.

So far, the good moments outweigh the bad. The bad, are few and far between.