Don't Put Off Today, What You Can Skip Doing Next Week!

Dave sez,

I am a terrible procrastinator. That's probably not the best confession to make, especially to my three kids, who have a limitless number of distractions. I mean, when I was a kid, we had to invent distractions. Maybe you remember? I grew up right after a few of the greatest inventions: the wheel, sliced bread and dirt. At least, that's according to Justin, Ethan and Bella. They are under the impression that Cathy and I grew up when time was invented. So, a motto like, Don't put off 'til tomorrow what you can skip until next week is not the best example to set for a couple of guys that want to wait until tomorrow to mow the backyard - when the forecast is calling for rain tomorrow. Or, kids that will walk around a basket full of clothes - even though they would have you believe that it's not really there - rather than fold or hang anything.

I am finding more and more that having kids - especially teenagers - means being at the "top of your game", every second.

There is no harsher critic.

They remember every thing you say.

They watch every thing you do.

They follow every action and habit.

I think it may be time to set some new school year resolutions to set a better example...

I love to read. The kids...not so much. I've found that it's probably a better example to be seen reading a paperback than a comic book when my boys have a reading log to fill out. Avatar, Naruto and Darth Vader may be pretty engaging, but some of the titles on the ninth grade reading list are classics like Lord of the Flies, The Martian Chronicles, To Kill a Mockingbird, Animal Farm, Of Mice and Men, Ender's Game and The Odyssey. Books that I found brutally painful to wade through - I'm looking at you, John Steinbeck - but have an important value to developing and defining a personality.

I'm finding that's what our three have been all about over the last few months of summer vacation.

Developing an individual personality and identity.

As our three kids discover the opposite sex, I thought it might be educational to read Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. It does have swords. There are epic battles. It's like a written version of a video game...

Maybe they won't fall in love with reading. I'm okay with that. Reading expands thinking and imagination.

Reading is just one of the things I want to help my kids with.

Overall, I am finding that to expect the best from my kids, I have to give them my best effort. It's not easy. I may not see the results right away. But even small victories are worth celebrating.

See what I have to put up with?

 
     

The One About The Time You Put In

Dave sez,

I learned my work ethic from my parents, just like Cathy did from hers.

One of the best reminders came when I changed careers and started in broadcasting. One of the instructors said to be indispensable. He told us in class that if one of the personalities was looking for something, like say a Sharpie, for instance, be the person with the Sharpie. In other words, be the person with the thing that everyone else needs when they need it. I've always taken that instruction to heart.

Last summer, Justin went around the neighborhood asking our neighbors to mow their lawn. A couple of them were very generous.

A friend of his told him about the new law, where kids under sixteen can work a limited schedule at places like McDonald's and Wendy's. On his birthday, I went with him to McDonald's and sat with him while he filled out an application. He had an interview a couple of days later. It was his first official job interview. I'm not sure who was more nervous, him or me. I asked him how it went. My son likes to project this image of being tough and cool. He's not alone. Ethan and Bella like to project an image of cool and calm confidence. That they are in complete control. I was amused to hear Justin use the word nervous describing how he felt in the interview. He was nervous about the questions he would be asked. I told him to be himself and be honest. It's been a over a month and he hasn't gotten a call back. I'm not so much worried about that. He's more focused on school. Cathy and I told him homework and grades come first.

As an aside, Justin was determined. One of his friends had told him about working in the food service industry. So, Justin was determined that he was going to do the same thing. Cathy's and my reaction was to remind him of his priorities. School comes first. He dug his heels in. It was only when we embraced the idea and supported him in his quest that things changed.

From time to time I encourage him in the job he already has. Chores around the house. Gentle reminders that he shouldn't need gentle reminders to do his chores. Thursdays are garbage days, gathering up all the trash bags from the trash cans around the house and putting the can out at the curb for Friday pickup. That's a joint project that he and his brother, Ethan, work on together. Weekends are for cleanup projects around the house. All three kids work on cleaning up after themselves, doing their own laundry and putting their clothes away.

Justin has a regular appointment to mow the neighbor's lawn. I reminded him that if our neighbors are paying him to mow their lawn, they shouldn't ever have to do it themselves.

Be the one with the Sharpie when someone needs a Sharpie.

    

The Road Ahead

Dave sez,

Cathy and I may have missed out on diapers and the "Terrible-Two's", but we are not missing a minute of the "Terrible-Teens". Don't get me wrong, our three kids are awesome. I don't mean to embarrass them in any way. I am so proud of every accomplishment. But we are all entering into that The Twilight Zone, that every child and every parent enters, where every second counts, and there are more teachable moments than there are not. Every choice, every fashion accessory, every lunchbox brings a new different lesson and consequences.

The road ahead is fraught with potholes and construction and gapers blocks. There is a sign-post ahead that reads...

...The Twilight Zone.

Justin is a great kid. He's shown that he's a survivor. No matter what, he has a very strong, basic survival instinct. I believe he'd last through the coming Zombie Apocalypse. I'd want him covering my back. He's very independent and has shown great leadership and mentoring qualities. Every time we talk, though, he tells me that he doesn't want to be a leader. That tells me he's ready to be one. He doesn't want to stand out. He wants to blend in and fit in. He wants to be cool and impress his friends. He wants to do the right thing, but still wants to impress his friends. Who hasn't wanted to do that, especially in high school! He wants to develop the high school super-power of camouflage. And he's telling me this, when I remember that my high school super-power was invisibility. I didn't want to be seen in high school.

Resistance is futile. Prepare to be assimilated.

What parent wants their son or daughter to be part of the pack - or the herd - or the masses? We all want to applaud the unique, singular achievements of our kids.

I am a man! I am not a NUMBER!

I don't want Justin - Ethan, or Bella - to be lost in a crowd.

I remember the crowd. The crowd was pretty safe. There's really no responsibility or accountability in the crowd.

As parents, we all know the downside to any crowd...

That's why we want them to stand out, right?

The other challenge that Cathy and I are facing as new parents of teenagers, is the growth of independence and questioning and challenging - - authority.

We hear a lot of "Why?"

I try to keep my answers pretty simple and basic. Y'know, even if you're not religious, you end up teaching your kids trust and faith. Trust in some things and some people bigger, better and smarter than they are. Even if you want them to believe in things like birthday presents, anniversaries and Christmas morning.

Sure, we could try to build independent, self-reliant adults that don't need anybody else. I don't know that I want my boys and my daughter growing up to be that. I'm not sure "trust in yourself, and no one else" is such a good motto to live by. I try to remind them every day of the uncanny miracle that brought each one of them to us. I don't believe in coincidence. There's no way that Cathy and I should be parents, let alone their parents.

    

I'd change that quote a little for Cathy and me as parents. Life moves pretty fast. It's important to keep our eyes open so we don't miss it. Kids change so quickly, from one minute to the next. Especially when every second counts.

Even though there are a lot of headaches, and heartaches, the reward is worth the challenge.



One Big Happy

What We Leave Behind...

Dave sez,

Next Tuesday is Ethan's birthday. When we went to his new middle school to pick up his schedule and have his photo taken, we met both his counselor and principal. His principal promised him that when he saw him in the hall next week, on the first day of school, on his birthday, he would stop and sing happy birthday to him.

Ethan is leaving behind the Newcomers program. Cathy and I think he's a late bloomer, which is alright with us. He's been in the Newcomers program at a couple schools. His teachers think the world of him. The Newcomers program is concentrated and specialized. It's one, or two classrooms, and lab. It's learning English. It's getting ready before diving headfirst into mainstream classrooms. Ethan is not his brother, Justin; or, his sister, Bella. But we have warned him that Justin's first semester was a bit of a culture shock; going from one or two classrooms with just a couple teachers, to hustling from one classroom to another on the other side of school. Imagine growing up on a farm out in the country and then moving to a big city like Minneapolis-St. Paul, Chicago or New York and you kinda have the idea. Looking at Ethan's schedule, it's laid out brilliantly. Most of morning classes are not to far from his locker. Then he heads downstairs for a class right before lunch in the cafeteria, and his next class after that is just down the hall. Bada-bing, bada-boom. Cake!

I read somewhere a while back that fewer and fewer people sew. It is becoming a lost art or craft. More people buy their clothes than sew them. With the whole world in front of her, Bella has taken up an interest in sewing. She wants to become a fashion designer. Right now, I'd guess she is more of a fashionista. Her grandmother, my mom, has sewn for at least the half century that I have been alive. The dining room table was taken over by a cutting board. I have a closet full of homemade Hawaiian shirts. throughout high school, Mom made pajamas and robes and patched holes in my wardrobe. It's kinda cool to see her and Bella bonding over needle and thread. Grandma bought Bella her first sewing machine. Then went out and bought her a second sewing project: pattern, material and thread.

I picked up the guitar and played for a few years through high school. I was in a band with a couple buddies. When we wanted to record a demo, Mom and Dad not only encouraged it, but supported it. When I started my career in broadcasting, Dad would introduce start conversations by asking people what radio station they listened to and then introducing himself as my dad. I was a morning show stunt man, called The Gerbil. My dad was in his late '60's introducing himself around town as "The Gerbil's dad". He didn't spend a whole lot of time telling me how much he loved me or how proud he was of me. He showed it. He told everybody else.

My guitar has sat in the closet a lot longer than I've wanted it to. Probably because a few years ago a few more strings than I've wanted have gotten broken.

When Justin first came to visit, he picked up my acoustic and just banged on it.

What Justin leaves behind is middle school. He and his sister Bella are 9th graders this year. Over the years of Newcomers and Middle School, Justin has never learned cursive handwriting. In this digital, keyboard age, cursive handwriting isn't taught anymore. With social media, iPhones, Skype and e-mail, there really isn't a need to learn how to sit down and write a letter or thank-you note. Justin has to practice signing his name before he can sign his name. It's funny to watch. Except when I see his hand hesitate and shake, and I realize just how hard it is and how paralyzing it is. We have to talk him through the process of how to sign his name in cursive. Instead of just leaving an "X" mark.

First Day of School 2014

Ethan, Bella and Justin have a lot to look forward to, starting the new school year. Our journey is bringing us to an Undiscovered Country of New Freshmen and a New Middle Schooler. Each day is going to bring us something new, different, exciting and hopefully wonderful. Isn't that something we all want with our kids? Something wonderful? A new day bringing a thrilling new pulse-pounding adventure?

Warp Factor Ten. "Let's see what's out there."

Make it so.