Dave sez, If you're the least bit squeamish, I'll understand.
The legendary John Wayne as "The Shootist"
Cathy and I like John Wayne movies. It's one of the few things we have in common. Ha. I like The Marx Brothers,The Three Stooges and Adam West as Batman. I like Gilligan's Island and Get Smart. She likes romances. Jane Austen, Nora Roberts, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, The Lifetime Movie Channel and Hallmark romances. We do agree on Friends - although she jumped onboard the bandwagon a little late on that one - and John Wayne. She likes McClintock!, Donovan's Reef, Hellfighters and The Quiet Man. I like The Shootist and Big Jake. We'll watch marathons of that same movie he made three times - Rio Bravo; with Dean Martin and Rick Nelson; El Dorado with Robert Mitchum and Angie Dickinson; and Rio Lobo. Only John Wayne could make the same movie three different times! We have our favorites, but we could sit and watch and watch anyJohn Wayne movie.
Justin introduced us to Hindi films. Each one three hours long and all with several musical numbers. Each of the Bollywood films we've watched together have a moral, value or principle to them. I've shared the story before that while Justin and I were in Kiev, he found the film Mohabbatein on television and watched the entire film and sang along with the songs. I'd say that's pretty mature and heavy stuff for a ten-year-old; but, I remember some of the movies I liked growing up, not all of them were Disney animated films.
Honorable number two son, Ethan, has shown an interest in WWE and "fight" films. The interest came from playing WWE video games. When he came back to the apartment from the orphanage, the first movie he found to watch was Mel Gibson's The Passion of The Christ. Set aside how you feel about Mel Gibson for a second, a film about The Savior's crucifixion is pretty intense for adults, let alone a twelve-year-old. But he sat through the entire thing.
One thing we have noticed is that Ethan seems a little de-sensitized. He doesn't grasp the separation between real and fictional pain.
We chuckle when Justin sees an actor as the character he plays. I did the same thing growing up. Robert Conradwas James West. William Shatnerwas Captain Kirk. Bob Denverwas Gilligan.
Both boys watch movies or television programs and ask if it is "real". Movies tell stories, and some of them are based on real life. Titanic, Apollo 13, The Ten Commandments; those things actually happened...just not the way Hollywood may have imagined.
We're trying to pass along an empathy to Ethan. Pain and suffering is something to sympathize with, not laugh at and find humorous. When someone gets hurt or killed in a movie, that's not the comic relief.
Over the last couple of months, with everything going on in Ukraine, he's asked to watch War movies. Every one has a different opinion of War movies. Even the War movies themselves have different opinions of War. There are people that believe in the glory and necessity of war. There are those that see a futility in war. We had to fight for our independence as a country. Then we turned right around and fought to make this country ours. The debate that Cathy and I are having is what War films are age appropriate. Ethan and his school friends are playing video games that are pretty graphic.
He's been pretty frustrated while we try to decide.
During summer vacation we all take turns picking a movie to watch after dinner. He keeps asking for a War film.
U-571
The other night we sat down and watched U-571. Justin is not interested in War films; Bella spends most of the movie covering her eyes. But we have an agreement. We all watch the movie, no matter what it is to show courtesy and respect to the person that picked it, whether we like it or not. We've had a couple of instances of "I'm not gonna watch that!" I point out our agreement. We watch whatever movie is picked, whether we like it or not; otherwise there's no point to having the choice. Choice includes compromise. I sit through a lot of Jane Austen and Nora Roberts just to get to the explosions in a Stallone or Schwarzenegger movie.
A few weeks ago, for Independence Day, we watched Mel Gibson's The Patriot.
I'm going to Google and Netflix and trying to put together a list I'm comfortable with of War films. I enjoy watching Patton. I'm not sure Ethan's ready for Black Hawk Down or Saving Private Ryan. Maybe another one to throw on there might be The Pianist; and maybe The Great Escape. I doubt that anyone is ready yet for M*A*S*H, Apocalypse Now or The Deer Hunter. Each one of the kids has trouble sleeping from bad dreams that have nothing to do with War movies. They're worried about monsters under the bed, zombies, vampires and sharknados. Watching Twister did nothing to help Ethan with his dread of tornados. That's all we heard about last summer; questions about whether or not we would have a tornado.
I look at Ethan and War movies like his first beer. I'd rather he have his first beer at home. I've told him the same thing I've told his brother; that when he gets old enough, we'll all go out as a family for his first drink. I want all three of them to develop good habits in a family environment, rather than feeling they have to do what they want apart from the rest of us. Cathy and I watch action films together. There's not that much difference between Patton and, say, Terminator or Predator.
Hopefully, giving him an opportunity to watch War films in a safe and non-threatening family environment will help with his fascination. Watching U-571, he asked who the good guys and the bad guys were. We talked about Hitler and his "master race". There's a kind of gunfighter theme, whether it's a John Wayne movie, Tombstone, Unforgiven, Gladiator, 300 or Patton. It all boils down to standing up against the bad guy and his gang or army. Whether it's a land baron and a range war; a rich man trying to get his brother out of jail; or a madman trying to take over the world and remake it in his own image. It's a battle between good and evil. The same conflict in any Harry Potter movie.
Hopefully, he'll learn some history and how important it is to stand up for what's right.
I'm thinking that along with watching Patton, we should watch The Alamo. I'm trying to remember what films are set against the Civil War...
Dave sez, So, here we all are. Ten years later, enjoying our happily ever after.
Eleven years ago, Cathy and I moved to Rochester from Columbus, and she decided that I'd put her off long enough. After thirteen years, she wanted to settle down and have a family. Just being a couple wasn't enough any more. Looking into a fertility program, Cathy was diagnosed with cancer. That was ten years ago this month. While she was in recovery from surgery, she wanted to look at adoption programs. It took a while, but Justin found us. He found us through a friend, who saw a status on Facebook that was a New Year's resolution: "I want to be a dad in 2011." I had a week of vacation that first week of January 2011. It was his last week of a three week hosting program. I picked him up on Monday. By Wednesday, he told Cathy and me that he loved us. It was in the drive through at McDonald's. Talk about your Happy Meal! Nine months later, on October 23rd, 2011, he came home for good.
The hardest part of that trip was being away from home.
Dave with Milo and Max
Cathy loves dogs. We've had bassets over the years. We had two in Columbus. An eight-year-old that we rescued, named Mopsie. She was a part of our family until her health went downhill. Cathy and I said goodbye to her together. We found a family that had basset puppies. We got one and named her Millie. We took her to the vet to be spayed. She didn't make it through the surgery. We found a breeder in Bowden, Georgia. That's where we found Milo. He was five months old. He was all by himself. I think it was 2002 that we brought him home. As he got older his temperament changed. He startled easily and became more defensive. We had to be careful when Justin visited. We hoped they would get along.
Along with Milo, we found Max from a family in Kasson. We rescued another basset we named Kirby. Kirby was diagnosed with terminal cancer. After Kirby passed, we added Maize to the family. She was a puppy.
The Friday before Justin and I came home, Cathy had to take Milo to the vet. He had a mass around his heart. There was nothing anyone could do. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Milo. He and I were close. It was hard not being there for him and for Cathy. It was hard not seeing him when we came home. But, Cathy and I were starting a new family.
Bells, Justin & Ethan
We brought Justin home in October 2011. Ethan came home in December of 2012. Wednesday, July 30th marked two months since Bella came home.
Two months!
In mid-May, while Bella and I were still in Kiev, I got a message from my sister that our mom had gone into the emergency room. It started out that she was having trouble standing and walking. It was a blood clot in one of her legs. In the emergency room, it was discovered that she had fluid around her heart and in her lungs. Before they could save her leg, they had to save her life. They managed to do both, and she spent a few weeks in rehab working to get her strength back in her leg. It's not easy being so far away from home when something like that happens. The good news is that the kids will have a chance to have their grandmother around a little longer.
Right now we're at the ten year mark. It's been ten years since Cathy was diagnosed with cancer. Ten years since we started our adoption journey.
Now that all of our kids are home, our journey has changed.
The adventure is not bringing them home any more. The adventure is what we do together as a family. How we adjust. How the kids adjust to having a father and a mother. How they adjust to having rules and boundaries. How they adjust to being part of a family. How they adjust to having chores and responsibilities. How they adjust to being accountable for things they do and say. How they adjust to being brothers and sister. How we adjust to being parents and having two sons and a daughter.
We have reached the end of one journey, and the beginning of another.
Happily Ever After isn't a destination. It's a journey, too. One careful step at a time.
This is the picture that started it all. Justin, January 2011
