Family Member of the Year

Dave sez,

Hey! We are Cathy and Dave! We greatly appreciate your prayers, encouragement and support in our Adventure in Parenting with Ethan and Justin; and our Adoption Journey to bring our daughter, Masha, home. Right now we are keeping a very close eye on what's happening in Independence Square and our prayers go out to all Ukrainians for peace.

Here's what I've learned: this life we all share and enjoy, it's kind of a popularity contest. no matter how much we want to do the right thing, deep down we all want to be liked. I know I do. I want Cathy to like me. I want the boys to like me. I want friends. I want fans on Facebook and Twitter. Life is popularity. That's why we have contests and competitions and award shows and reality television. It's not just cheap entertainment. It's gratification and validation. It's self-esteem. I'd rather be motivated by doing the right thing, but it is so gratifying and fulfilling when someone notices!

Okay, that probably sounded better in my head before I typed it out.

Popularity is why we have more competitions and award shows and not fewer. That, and I know I like knowing what's worthwhile. Am I gonna like that movie coming out this week? How 'bout that new album? That new song? You like it, too? Then we have a shared experience! How cool is that?!

Okay, this is a long way around the block to get to TIME's Person of the Year. Pope Frances.

Last Year it was President Obama. The year before that The Protestor. Before that, it was Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg.

There were four others that were "Runner-Up" for the title. It got me thinking...

We've had our successes and challenges this year. Of all of us, I think Ethan has faced his challenges and accomplished so much in his first year in a "strange new world".

Ethan would be my choice for the First Ever Family Member of the Year!

It wasn't an easy adjustment for Justin his first few months home.

Life here, in a brave new world has been so different, complex and challenging for Ethan, even with Justin to lean on. Ethan has had to learn honesty and accountability. He came home and fell into a bad habit of lying and blaming Justin. He picked up the phrase from the Harland Williams comedy Rocket Man, "Not Me!" The boys squabbled. A lot. Ethan found himself slamming into a brick wall and continually beating his head against the same brick wall, trying to break it down. He spent a lot of time confused and perplexed. Every sentence started with "I want", instead of "May I?" He's spent the last year learning how to ask permission instead of making declarations. Sentences end with "Please?", now. I remind him that his mother is Mom and Ma'am and that when he is asked, encouraged and directed, the proper response is, "Yes, ma'am." Cathy does the same thing for me.

Justin faced the same mountain. He still struggles climbing. Some days he slides back down a little.

Our new world is such a big place. There's so much to do and see and experience. Justin is so anxious to do and see and experience everything, all at once, he sometimes frustrates himself.

Give Ethan a quiet corner where he can curl up and hibernate within himself playing video games and he is happy. The challenge has been to show Ethan that he has a place. A place at the table. A role in the family. A position on our team. A purpose in the grand scheme of things. Responsibility.

When he is around people he tries so hard to be liked that he tries too hard. I remember those days as a boy. 

The challenge for Ethan in his first year has been focus and direction. He's been working diligently to be aimless. I spent a lot of time doing that myself at his age. So, the challenge for me as his father, is to be motivated and patient. Motivated to help him build positive momentum; and patient for results. Eventually.

I tell him as often as I can that I see greatness in him. All he has to do is let it out.