Dear Justin, On The Occasion of Your Third Anniversary Home

 

Dear Justin,

I remember Freshman orientation for high school. We were all packed into the bleachers in the gym. There must have been a hundred of us. We got introduced to the Principal, the Counselors, and the Teachers. Blah, blah, blah. I didn't like school very much. I wanted to be anywhere but Orientation. I'm sure that somewhere, there was a comic book calling my name. I needed to race home, and check the red phone. Somebody there said, "Make the most of your four years here, because before you know it, it'll be over." I snickered. Yeah, right. High school is gonna drag on like Orientation.  The next day, I was wearing a cap and gown at graduation. As I accepted my diploma, I remembered those words.

The only real lesson I learned from high school is to make the most of every minute. You might think that's Carpe Diem. "Seize the day". I think it's not only seize the day - or jump at the opportunity - but "be in the moment." Savor every second. Now, I'm not a very patient person, but I look at this as settle in and get comfortable. That might have come in handy had I learned that lesson while I was still in high school. I wasn't sure what your Mom and I were getting into when we agreed to spend a week together. But I knew I wanted to meet you. I knew I wanted to know what would happen next.

 

I've never been a fan of roller coasters. Probably because of my experience on The Demon at Six Flags. The summer The Demon opened, my buddy Derrick and I went on it. We were standing in line alongside the ride as they pulled a woman off and set her in a wheelchair and rolled her away. She looked pale and dizzy. My buddy Derrick said the color drained out of my face and I stopped talking completely until after we got off the ride. He said I turned white as a sheet.

 



Buddy-boy, you have been the greatest roller coaster ride in the history of roller coaster rides. I don't mind getting whipped around in all the twists and turns, the ups and downs. Okay, so I tend to scream like a little girl a lot - but, you, my "little buddy", are keeping me on my toes. You, your brother Ethan, and your sister Bella. As bumpy and rocky as the valleys are the hills are pretty thrilling and exciting. Probably a better way to describe them is...breathtaking.

You are incredibly challenging. I know that you feel the same sense of accomplishment that Mom and I do at rising and meeting the challenge. You have come so far - and not just geographically - and accomplished so much in such a short amount of time. Mom and I are so proud of you. It is so great meeting your teachers and listening to them say the same things about you. They are just as glad to have you around, just as glad that you are part of their world as we are.

There are a lot of people that think you're pretty cool.

I don't want you to get a swelled head - you do pretty good on your own, without Mom's and my help - or any of your teachers' help, either. I just don't want a minute to go by without you, or Ethan or Bells knowing how much we love you.

The boy who came to stay

Happy anniversary!

Popi   

   

  

 

Notes From Our "Happily Ever After"

 

 



Dave sez,

 

...And they all lived happily ever after.

 

THE END

THE BEGINNING!

 



So, here's what I'm wondering, what do YOU consider a special occasion? In no particular order, here's what I consider special occasions: my birthday; Father's Day; definitely Cathy's and my anniversary, her birthday and Mother's Day; family and friends' birthdays and anniversaries - at least the ones that Facebook is kind enough to remind me of; and, Christmas and Easter. Probably right up there with Cathy's special days are the special days with the kids~

Monday, January 3rd, the day that we first met Justin.

August 10th, Justin's birthday.

Friday, September 23rd, the day we first met Ethan.

 

His birthday is September 8th.

 

 

Sunday, October 23rd, the day Justin came home for good.

December 29th, 2011, the day we picked Ethan up from the airport for his three week visit. He was with us through Martin Luther King Day.

 

 

October 29th, was when we headed back to bring Ethan home.

 

November 16th was his Court Date.

 

December 7th, he finally came home for good.

 

 

But not before he introduced us to our daughter, Bells.

 

November 18th, was when we knew that Bells had picked us to be her parents and didn't want to be anyone else's daughter.

Her birthday is April 12th.

April 30th was her Court Date.

Friday, May 30th was when she finally came home for good.

We've been enjoying our "Happily Ever After". It's been pretty challenging for the boys to adjust to having a sister. Justin is pretty rugged. And modest. And shy. He and Ethan have been pretty confused that Bella would not want to try to keep up with them. She's not really into sports; so, basketball, soccer, baseball and football this summer have been out of the question. The trampoline has been the big deal. Justin will not take no for an answer when it comes to the trampoline. It helps that Bella enjoys "Popi-corn" just as much as both boys. (If you're not familiar with "Popi-corn", that is where all three kids sit Indian-style - with their legs crossed, holding their toes - and Popi - that would be me - jumps on the trampoline until they let go of their toes, uncross their legs and flop around like fish on the trampoline.

I'm not rocket-brain surgeon, but from what I have seen and experienced with the kids, I'm convinced that they have learned things, certain habits, that help them deal with and cope with the unique experiences they have gone through. Justin has learned to be aggressive and assertive. A take-charge, Alpha. He's the protector and defender. He's curious and wants to know everything. Knowing is a certain sense of control and security. Ethan tries so hard to be likeable. He's always smiling always laughing, always trying to be funny. Cathy or I will ask Justin or Bella a question and we'll hear Ethan answer it. He starts a lot of sentences with, "I think" and then tells us what he thinks Justin or Bells likes or thinks. The challenge we're finding for Ethan is to carve out a singular, individual identity. Justin likes soccer and gymnastics. Ethan likes wrestling.

Bells is still adjusting to being home and part of a family. Like the boys, she's finding that she has a Mom and Dad. There are rules and expectations. There are consequences. Bad habits are easy when you are one of a dozen or more, like in a classroom. But, when you are part of a family, and it's more one-on-one, bad habits tend to stick out more. Cathy and I are pretty familiar with each one of our kids' personalities and we're learning more and more how to handle bad habits and behaviors. I remember most of the things that were going through my head when I was their age. Most kids have an elaborate Rube Goldberg plan that they are always working on; a series of steps from where they are to where they want to be and what they want to have or achieve. It's like those Tom & Jerry or Road Runner cartoons, where Tom or Wile E. Coyote come up with this elaborate scheme. The ultimate goal is to develop the perfect mouse trap; or capture the Road Runner for dinner. What I've found is that it keeps me on my toes, so that it turns into more of a Mad magazine Spy vs. Spy game. Unfortunately, I've never been very good at chess, so it's a challenge to block each one of their moves. It's better to point them in the right direction and show patience and understanding. Most of those elaborate devices evaporate when it becomes clear that there's an easier, more direct path from Point A to Point B. I've been asking Ethan what he wants. When he tells me, I tell him what he has to do, or the effort he has to give to achieve it. "What do you want, and what are you willing to give for it?" We all want something. Nothing comes without effort.

 

Justin had been going to karate, but needed a little time to adjust to regular seventh grade classes. It was a challenge for him going from a single classroom to running from classroom to classroom for seven different classes. Now that he's gotten a better handle on that he is taking gymnastics. Bells, Ethan and I have been going and watching him.

He's been awesome to watch. We're hoping to get Ethan and Bells into something like that. They both have to improve just a little on their English skills to be ready for sports and activities. Listening to the instructors and coaches and being able to communicate is an important skill. That starts at home. It's a work in progress.

So, that's what's been going on in our little "Happily Ever After".

 

THE BEGINNING