The State of Our Ethan

Dave sez,


Hi! We're Cathy and Dave. Thanks for dropping by. Thanks for supporting, encouraging, promoting and being a part of our ongoing Adventures in Parenthood and Adoption Journey.

Life is full of milestones. Next May 6th, will mark our twenty-fourth wedding anniversary. Next August will be ten years since Cathy was diagnosed with cancer and had life-saving surgery. Next year will also mark fourteen years that my dad has been gone. Cathy's mother passed away at 51 in '97. Her dad passed away a few years later, a year or so after my dad. This passed Sunday, December 1st, Cathy hit ten years in Research Accounting at The Clinic. (When you talk to her, you'll have to ask her what she got to mark the special occasion. I don't want to spoil it, but I'm sure she'd like to brag and gloat about it because it is pretty cool. There is a sparkle in her eye when she talks about the honor in marking the milestone. But, I'm sure she doesn't want to be too loud and boisterous about it. So, maybe catch her with a private message.)

 

Today, December 7th, 2013, marks a very special milestone. One year ago today, our son, Ethan, came home to stay for good.

A few years ago, we thought we would be lucky enough to have one child. The struggle was hard and challenging. We wanted a newborn. An infant to start our family. I wasn't sure, but I attached a lot of negativity to the phrase "special needs". In my mind it was equal to "handicapped", and I just wasn't sure that I could rise to the occasion. We look at our options and we tried several programs to see what fit us. By December of 2010, I was ready to give up. We'd been trying to adopt since the end of summer 2004 and we had no results to show for our effort. I was reaching a point where I was ready to accept that all I ever wanted was Cathy. I was ready to pour myself completely into work and church and community. I was frustrated, disappointed and angry. I guess, even with Cathy, I was lonely. I didn't have a son to play catch, or watch sports or Saturday morning cartoons with. I was starting to feel lost, wondering what purpose I had. Was this it? Was this what my life, what our life was all about?

That December, I posted a "New Year's Resolution" that I wanted to be a Dad in 2011. I committed. I went all in. We were very surprised to be connected to Justin, when he found us.

We thought he would be enough.

Then we heard about his cousin, Ethan. Cathy and I heard that Justin and Ethan had been together from the beginning. 

 

Instead of just having one child - one son - now became the plan to have two.

Cathy and I went from being a couple to being a family of four.

Ethan needed a family. Every child needs a family. Justin needs a family. Both boys needed and need a Mom and a Dad. Ethan lives like no one is looking. He's loud when he shouldn't be. He's unfocused, aimless and directionless. I see in my son some of the same traits and qualities I had to overcome growing up. Being awkward and inappropriate. I see in him that my work is cut out for me. I don't fault any one for the way he came to me. I think I'm pretty lucky and blessed that, where I started out thinking I would be lucky enough to have one child, either a son or a daughter, I didn't stop with just one. My son, Justin introduced me to my son Ethan; and, my son Ethan introduced me to my daughter Masha. And when I say "me", I mean me as in Cathy and me.

The challenge that we're finding is the same that every parent faces. We're like a juggler or a plate spinner. We have Justin in motion, and we have to keep everything going with him and keep him moving forward and keep him making progress. Keep the positive, forward momentum going. Now, we've added Ethan. We have to start him on his way, make his path straight, and focused and directed; while keeping and not forgetting about Justin; while not forgetting about Ethan. Soon, we'll be adding not just another plate to the dinner table, but one to the "juggling act", named Masha! It's a pretty delicate balance, but the result is worth it.

What I enjoy about Ethan is that I am finding my geek wingman. One of the things that he has shared with me is that he likes comic books and cartoons. He told me that his favorite character is Green Lantern John Stewart. I'm a Batman fan. I like Spider-Man, too. I have to admit, though, being a white guy, I'm a fan of Green Lantern Hal Jordan. ( I bet you didn't know that there is a legend that Hal Jordan was modeled on Paul Newman. It may just be an urban legend, but take a second and let that sink in.) As much as I like re-discovering Star Wars and seeing Avatar: The Last Airbender and SpongeBob through Justin's eyes; it is awesome what I am learning from my son Ethan.

Green Lantern John Stewart

As much as Cathy and I am teaching them, we are learning so much from them. Ethan is just into cartoons and comic books. He's into WWE! Or, Dubba-Dubba-Eeeeeeee! His favorite wrestler is "JOHN CENA"!!!

"JOHN CENA"!!!

Ethan's eyes and the way he sees the world is totally unique and individual. It is amazing and awesome to see things from a different perspective from Cathy and Justin through Ethan.

When Cathy and I got married we were told to celebrate our differences and not to make what is different and unique and individual about us a hang-up or a stumbling block. It's cool to share interests with my boys - and soon with all my kids. But it is so cool to share and celebrate each other for what we are.

One year ago today, my son Ethan came home to stay. Our world will never be the same.

"You talkin' t'me?"

I'm glad.

Welcome home, Ethan. Welcome home son.