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| Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, See No Evil |
If social media is the new water cooler, here's a slice of what people are talking about. Politics. Religion. Goals. Health, exercise and weight loss. The Oregon stand-off. Gun-control. Freedom. The Netflix documentary, How to Make a Murderer. The Packers losing every single important game at Lambeau Field. The Vikings playoff chances. Michael Weatherly leaving NCIS after thirteen seasons. Maybe I'm the only one talking about that last one. I am really bummed that he's leaving! He's been a huge part of the show. For thirteen seasons!
Our boy, Ethan has been struggling through his first semester, transitioning from the Newcomers Program to regular classes.
He had one A+ this first semester. Gym.
I just turned 50 this passed August. I could get an A+ in gym.
That's right. Tony Stark could get an A+ in gym. In a cave. With a box of spare parts.
I like to think that I am an inspirational motivator. I've got the memes to prove it. And yet, somehow I've managed to become my Dad.
What I have been struggling with on our journey is how to motivate Ethan. He comes home from school, just as I did when I was his age. He doesn't bring any work home from school. When asked, he doesn't have homework. He doesn't study. He doesn't like to read. There was a time when I didn't like to read. I was forced to at first. It was not fun. It was awkward. But I learned to enjoy reading. I get that some dudes are not readers. It's not cool. Boys are more active. If Ethan and Justin are not actively participating in sports, video games are the next best thing. Ethan loves wrestling and WWE. Like any boy he loves combat. That would explain the A+ in gym and the bad grades in every other class.
Cathy and I have had to take away his video game privileges. He has very, extremely limited electronic privileges. It's not fun, but we've gotten to the point where we micro-manage him. Conversation adjusts to passive-aggressive interrogation.
Since he's come home, we have been trying to discover his baseline. What is normal for Ethan?
He is not Justin. We don't want him to be. That wouldn't be right or fair. He needs to be the best Ethan he can be. But what is that? What does it look like?
Signs that he doesn't like school and struggles with classwork and homework can be easily misinterpreted. This is what we struggle with. We struggle with our son's natural inclination for video games and play. For sloth and laziness. For making easy choices and taking the path of least resistance. Decisions that snowball into bad grades.
We saw Justin struggle his first semester in middle school, too. He was stressed. It wasn't easy. His stress was compounded that first regular semester by Cathy and I going to bring Justin's brother Ethan home. All three of our children have gone through a tremendous amount of change in a short period of time. Adjusting hasn't been easy. The every day adjustment is to a new set of guidelines, rules and authority.
We developed a game plan for Justin just as much as he worked to develop a game plan for us. We saw the same thing from Ethan. He developed behaviors, habits and strategies as well. We had to develop a whole new plan for him. We saw Justin behave strong-willed, obstinate and bullheaded. Ethan was manipulative. He was smooth. He used his smile and phrases like, "It wasn't me!" and "I didn't know!" as long and as far as he could. He still uses it.
On top of being an older, special needs child, our boy Ethan may have a serious handicap. It is one thing to struggle with a learning disability. It is another when that is compounded by a hearing disability.
I know I was light-hearted. Maybe Ethan just has a thinking disability. Maybe it's all just motivation. He needs to have a fire lit under him. Ethan just needs the right encouragement.
What is the right encouragement for Ethan? It certainly is most definitely not the same encouragement Cathy and I would give Justin. For Justin, we point to a mountain, and we tell him, you go take that hill. For Ethan, it may just be stand up. Stand up, stand tall. Hold your ground.
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