The One About The Mister-E

Dave sez,

There is nothin' like a piping mug of hot chocolate to warm the bones on one of the coldest nights in January. There's a Wind Chill Advisory posted. It's supposed to be around thirty-five below, Wind Chill Factor. It's not an Irish Hot Chocolate. Wish it were. I could go for a cold one. Or a stiff one. But the hot chocolate will do. For now.

I'm pretending to look over Ethan's test results. Last Friday he had a hearing test.

As a radio geek, I thought it was pretty cool. The audiologist welcomed us into a room with a chair in the middle. Like most clinic examination rooms there was a desk and a guest chair right inside the door. The desk had what looked like a small digital sound editor. I recognized it as something similar to the phone editor we use to take contest calls and requests in the control room. There was a supply cabinet above the desk. Next to the digital editor were ear bud covers in a rainbow of different colors. Between the desk and the chair in the middle of the room was a screen mounted on a swivel arm, and another arm with a bunch of different headphones. Behind the chair were speakers. some of the smaller speakers were covered in glass. There was a small monitor set to one side of the speaker array. The same set-up was on the opposite wall, to the left of the door. In one corner, behind the chair, was a small table. Above that was a poster hung on the wall, mapping out an ear canal. The walls were made of what looked like sound tiles. Instead of solid panels, there were tiny holes in the paneling. There was a door leading to a control room with a desktop and mixing board.

Jerry Hardin from The X-Files

The Audiologist was a kindly, older man. Neither Ethan or I knew what to expect; but the room and the audiologist put us at ease and made us feel comfortable.

It was funny to watch Ethan's face as the audiologist put the headphones into his ears. He had to make sure they were snug to get an accurate reading. There were a couple of times that Ethan screwed up his face like Popeye.

Strong to the finnich!

The audiologist spent a few minutes on tests from the control room. Then he came over to the desk for a few more tests on the digital editor. After that, he took us to another, smaller room, that just had a couple of chaise lounge chairs and a table with a desktop and printer. This was is not that greatthe last part of the exam. He led us back to the first room and printed out the results.

My mom is almost 84. She is hard of hearing because of her age. The only way she can hear is up close, with a loud, booming voice.

Over the course of my career, my hearing has deteriorated. Headphones are never loud enough. My hearing is not that great.

Ethan is having trouble in his classrooms because of his hearing. The next step is an audiologist will evaluate his classrooms to see what technology can help him there.

He has greater needs than his brother. Justin is a pretty healthy kid. We've been able to pin Ethan down as a year older than Justin, but less developed. Ethan is a couple of grades behind Justin. He reads at a third grade level. As much as I would like to encourage him to rise to the occasion and work harder to catch up, this may very well be Ethan's normal.

He's my son. I keep wondering every day if I am doing what's right for him. I ask for the guidance to provide the encouragement he needs. At his age, all I ever wanted to do was watch television and read comic books. I see that he needs the same prodding and motivation. Video games and social media have made us all like the folks in Wall*E.

Wowzers!

The struggle that Ethan, Justin and Bella all have is that they are waiting. Waiting for the next stage. The next milestone is sixteen, when they can start applying and hopefully get hired on jobs. Justin and Bella are chomping at the bit to work fast food. Ethan...not so much.

We're all trying to see what needs Ethan has, and how best those needs can be met. The most basic need my son has is support and encouragement no matter what. 

I love my boy. He may be a Mister-E... but, I want to be there for him. We are on this journey together, all of us. Every step of the way. 

The One About The Listening And The Hearing

Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, See No Evil

Dave sez,

If social media is the new water cooler, here's a slice of what people are talking about. Politics. Religion. Goals. Health, exercise and weight loss. The Oregon stand-off. Gun-control. Freedom. The Netflix documentary, How to Make a Murderer. The Packers losing every single important game at Lambeau Field. The Vikings playoff chances. Michael Weatherly leaving NCIS after thirteen seasons. Maybe I'm the only one talking about that last one. I am really bummed that he's leaving! He's been a huge part of the show. For thirteen seasons!

Our boy, Ethan has been struggling through his first semester, transitioning from the Newcomers Program to regular classes.

He had one A+ this first semester. Gym.

I just turned 50 this passed August. I could get an A+ in gym.

That's right. Tony Stark could get an A+ in gym. In a cave. With a box of spare parts.

I like to think that I am an inspirational motivator. I've got the memes to prove it. And yet, somehow I've managed to become my Dad.

What I have been struggling with on our journey is how to motivate Ethan. He comes home from school, just as I did when I was his age. He doesn't bring any work home from school. When asked, he doesn't have homework. He doesn't study. He doesn't like to read. There was a time when I didn't like to read. I was forced to at first. It was not fun. It was awkward. But I learned to enjoy reading. I get that some dudes are not readers. It's not cool. Boys are more active. If Ethan and Justin are not actively participating in sports, video games are the next best thing. Ethan loves wrestling and WWE. Like any boy he loves combat. That would explain the A+ in gym and the bad grades in every other class.

Cathy and I have had to take away his video game privileges. He has very, extremely limited electronic privileges. It's not fun, but we've gotten to the point where we micro-manage him. Conversation adjusts to passive-aggressive interrogation.

Since he's come home, we have been trying to discover his baseline. What is normal for Ethan?

He is not Justin. We don't want him to be. That wouldn't be right or fair. He needs to be the best Ethan he can be. But what is that? What does it look like?

Signs that he doesn't like school and struggles with classwork and homework can be easily misinterpreted. This is what we struggle with. We struggle with our son's natural inclination for video games and play. For sloth and laziness. For making easy choices and taking the path of least resistance. Decisions that snowball into bad grades.

We saw Justin struggle his first semester in middle school, too. He was stressed. It wasn't easy. His stress was compounded that first regular semester by Cathy and I going to bring Justin's brother Ethan home. All three of our children have gone through a tremendous amount of change in a short period of time. Adjusting hasn't been easy. The every day adjustment is to a new set of guidelines, rules and authority.

We developed a game plan for Justin just as much as he worked to develop a game plan for us. We saw the same thing from Ethan. He developed behaviors, habits and strategies as well. We had to develop a whole new plan for him. We saw Justin behave strong-willed, obstinate and bullheaded. Ethan was manipulative. He was smooth. He used his smile and phrases like, "It wasn't me!" and "I didn't know!" as long and as far as he could. He still uses it.

On top of being an older, special needs child, our boy Ethan may have a serious handicap. It is one thing to struggle with a learning disability. It is another when that is compounded by a hearing disability.

I know I was light-hearted. Maybe Ethan just has a thinking disability. Maybe it's all just motivation. He needs to have a fire lit under him. Ethan just needs the right encouragement.

What is the right encouragement for Ethan? It certainly is most definitely not the same encouragement Cathy and I would give Justin. For Justin, we point to a mountain, and we tell him, you go take that hill. For Ethan, it may just be stand up. Stand up, stand tall. Hold your ground.

I really am going to miss very Special Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo after he leaves NCIS. He made having The Plague look so easy...

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Bell's First Thanksgiving

To our daughter, Isabella Marie, on the occasion of her FIRST Thanksgiving...

 

 

Dear Bells,

Happy FIRST Thanksgiving, Princess! I'm so glad now our family is complete and we are all celebrating your FIRST Thanksgiving home!

You're a pretty special young lady, from a very long and illustrious line of special ladies.

Your Grandma Doris is pretty cool. She helped Grandpa Eric make me into your dad. It was important to them that I know how to make the right choices, no matter how hard or painful it was. They both wanted me to work hard. When I was younger, Grandma took an interest in my handwriting. It was just as bad as both your brothers', Ethan's and Justin's. She told me that if I wanted her to read what I had written, I needed to work on my penmanship and make my writing clearer for her to read. Penmanship's a snap. Making the writing clearer to read has been the real job.

I can't say I blame you or your brothers for not liking to read. You're not the only ones. Grandma used to sit me by her sewing machine on sunny days to read.

Strange Companion, by Dayton O. Hyde was the first book Grandma had me read. I read other stuff, too. Grandma encouraged me to read. She even bought me my first comic books!

 

 

 

When I was a boy, comic books were sometimes sold in threes wrapped in plastic. Mostly they were sold off of a newsstand, with the magazines and books. Today, there are stores that only sell comic books, along with trade paperbacks, trading cards and games.

 

So, you're Grandma got me started reading and collecting comic books!

 

 

You probably already know this, but your Aunt Paula is pretty cool. I guess you could say she showed me that I could do anything, even fly. When I was much, much smaller - and lighter, too - she used to put me up on her feet and I would pretend I was flying. Yeah, she actually was like the wind beneath my wings!

 

 

Let me tell you, it was a pretty cool feeling!

 

She's a pretty cool mom, too. And a pretty proud grandma!

 

Now, your Mom? Well, she's a regular VIP. She's tough and she's a survivor. She got that from her mother, your Grandma Priscilla. It's a shame you never got to meet her. She was no-nonsense just like both your great-grandmothers, who just both happened to be named Ruth. I'm sorry that you are Ruth-less. My Grandma Ruth always told me that the first hundred years are the hardest. She lived to be 101. I guess she knew what she was talking about.

 

 

I am so excited that our adventure has shifted from bringing you and your brothers home, to the adventure we can all experience together!

 

 

Sweetheart, tomorrow is the biggest adventure ever! Whatever happens, you can always hold Mom's hand and mine and we'll all get through it - together.

 

Happy FIRST Thanksgiving, Princess!

Love always,

Popi

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

Dear Justin, On The Occasion of Your Third Anniversary Home

 

Dear Justin,

I remember Freshman orientation for high school. We were all packed into the bleachers in the gym. There must have been a hundred of us. We got introduced to the Principal, the Counselors, and the Teachers. Blah, blah, blah. I didn't like school very much. I wanted to be anywhere but Orientation. I'm sure that somewhere, there was a comic book calling my name. I needed to race home, and check the red phone. Somebody there said, "Make the most of your four years here, because before you know it, it'll be over." I snickered. Yeah, right. High school is gonna drag on like Orientation.  The next day, I was wearing a cap and gown at graduation. As I accepted my diploma, I remembered those words.

The only real lesson I learned from high school is to make the most of every minute. You might think that's Carpe Diem. "Seize the day". I think it's not only seize the day - or jump at the opportunity - but "be in the moment." Savor every second. Now, I'm not a very patient person, but I look at this as settle in and get comfortable. That might have come in handy had I learned that lesson while I was still in high school. I wasn't sure what your Mom and I were getting into when we agreed to spend a week together. But I knew I wanted to meet you. I knew I wanted to know what would happen next.

 

I've never been a fan of roller coasters. Probably because of my experience on The Demon at Six Flags. The summer The Demon opened, my buddy Derrick and I went on it. We were standing in line alongside the ride as they pulled a woman off and set her in a wheelchair and rolled her away. She looked pale and dizzy. My buddy Derrick said the color drained out of my face and I stopped talking completely until after we got off the ride. He said I turned white as a sheet.

 



Buddy-boy, you have been the greatest roller coaster ride in the history of roller coaster rides. I don't mind getting whipped around in all the twists and turns, the ups and downs. Okay, so I tend to scream like a little girl a lot - but, you, my "little buddy", are keeping me on my toes. You, your brother Ethan, and your sister Bella. As bumpy and rocky as the valleys are the hills are pretty thrilling and exciting. Probably a better way to describe them is...breathtaking.

You are incredibly challenging. I know that you feel the same sense of accomplishment that Mom and I do at rising and meeting the challenge. You have come so far - and not just geographically - and accomplished so much in such a short amount of time. Mom and I are so proud of you. It is so great meeting your teachers and listening to them say the same things about you. They are just as glad to have you around, just as glad that you are part of their world as we are.

There are a lot of people that think you're pretty cool.

I don't want you to get a swelled head - you do pretty good on your own, without Mom's and my help - or any of your teachers' help, either. I just don't want a minute to go by without you, or Ethan or Bells knowing how much we love you.

The boy who came to stay

Happy anniversary!

Popi   

   

  

 

Our Happily Ever After

Dave sez, So, here we all are. Ten years later, enjoying our happily ever after.

Eleven years ago, Cathy and I moved to Rochester from Columbus, and she decided that I'd put her off long enough. After thirteen years, she wanted to settle down and have a family. Just being a couple wasn't enough any more. Looking into a fertility program, Cathy was diagnosed with cancer. That was ten years ago this month. While she was in recovery from surgery, she wanted to look at adoption programs. It took a while, but Justin found us. He found us through a friend, who saw a status on Facebook that was a New Year's resolution: "I want to be a dad in 2011." I had a week of vacation that first week of January 2011. It was his last week of a three week hosting program. I picked him up on Monday. By Wednesday, he told Cathy and me that he loved us. It was in the drive through at McDonald's. Talk about your Happy Meal! Nine months later, on October 23rd, 2011, he came home for good.

The hardest part of that trip was being away from home.

Dave with Milo and Max

Cathy loves dogs. We've had bassets over the years. We had two in Columbus. An eight-year-old that we rescued, named Mopsie. She was a part of our family until her health went downhill. Cathy and I said goodbye to her together. We found a family that had basset puppies. We got one and named her Millie. We took her to the vet to be spayed. She didn't make it through the surgery. We found a breeder in Bowden, Georgia. That's where we found Milo. He was five months old. He was all by himself. I think it was 2002 that we brought him home. As he got older his temperament changed. He startled easily and became more defensive. We had to be careful when Justin visited. We hoped they would get along.

Along with Milo, we found Max from a family in Kasson. We rescued another basset we named Kirby. Kirby was diagnosed with terminal cancer. After Kirby passed, we added Maize to the family. She was a puppy.

The Friday before Justin and I came home, Cathy had to take Milo to the vet. He had a mass around his heart. There was nothing anyone could do. I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to Milo. He and I were close. It was hard not being there for him and for Cathy. It was hard not seeing him when we came home. But, Cathy and I were starting a new family.

Bells, Justin & Ethan

We brought Justin home in October 2011. Ethan came home in December of 2012. Wednesday, July 30th marked two months since Bella came home.

Two months!

In mid-May, while Bella and I were still in Kiev, I got a message from my sister that our mom had gone into the emergency room. It started out that she was having trouble standing and walking. It was a blood clot in one of her legs. In the emergency room, it was discovered that she had fluid around her heart and in her lungs. Before they could save her leg, they had to save her life. They managed to do both, and she spent a few weeks in rehab working to get her strength back in her leg. It's not easy being so far away from home when something like that happens. The good news is that the kids will have a chance to have their grandmother around a little longer.

Right now we're at the ten year mark. It's been ten years since Cathy was diagnosed with cancer. Ten years since we started our adoption journey.

Now that all of our kids are home, our journey has changed.

The adventure is not bringing them home any more. The adventure is what we do together as a family. How we adjust. How the kids adjust to having a father and a mother. How they adjust to having rules and boundaries. How they adjust to being part of a family. How they adjust to having chores and responsibilities. How they adjust to being accountable for things they do and say. How they adjust to being brothers and sister. How we adjust to being parents and having two sons and a daughter.

We have reached the end of one journey, and the beginning of another.

Happily Ever After isn't a destination. It's a journey, too. One careful step at a time.

This is the picture that started it all. Justin, January 2011