I'm not sure which stand-up comedian said that kids are like the worst roommate you've ever had - but I believe it! As a newbie dad of two - TWO! - boys, now, I am learning that Justin and Ethan are like the worst drunk roommates - everz!
Justin is the angry drunk. The ten-feet tall and bullet proof drunk. Looking over pictures of him, and seeing him with the other boys his age from the Cradle of Children's' Hope Orphanage, he's small for his age. He might never reach the same height as Ethan or the other boys. I'm sure there are a lot of things that he is sensitive and defensive about, and his height is probably one of them. From the way he and I rough-house, I'm sure he has had to defend a spot with the other boys. His way of saying "Hi. How are you? How was your day?", is more, "You wanna fight? You wanna piece of me?" And then it is on! The fists are flying, there's usually some crying involved, but a hug from Mom and I'm fine afterward! I don't think Justin is unique in having self-esteem issues. he tends to over-compensate by telling himself and us just how good and wonderful he is. I've been warning him for the last year about saying things like, "I'm better than you!" I've been telling him that there may be some things he is good at and better at. But there will always be someone better. The angry drunk doesn't hear that, it goes right over his head. "I'm BETTER than you!" We've had our moments where he's really been angry. It's not really anger, it's fear. This little firecracker will stand in front of me and scream at me, "I'm not afraid of you! You don't scare me!" I get down on my knees so that he and I can look eye to eye, and I tell him that I don't want to ever scare him. I don't ever want him to be afraid of me. He's an awesome kid. He makes mistakes, we all do. I make mistakes as his dad. But I love him no matter what. We can fix mistakes. A little duct tape and WD-40 and we're good as new.
And it's moments like that when I miss my dad. I wish I could tell my dad what an incredible, awesome grandson he has. I do the next best thing. I tell my sister and brother what a cool nephew they have. I tell Justin what a cool aunt and uncle he has. And then he "drunk" Skypes them when no one is around and asks them why they don't have a camera on their computer so he can see them when he Skypes.
The best part about coming home from Kiev, wasn't just seeing Cathy and Justin; it was Cathy telling me that my son had called my cell phone to hear my voice on the outgoing message on my voice mail. I asked if he missed me and he smiled and said no...then, with a nonchalant shrug, "a little bit."
My new son, Ethan, is the happy drunk. He's all, "Let's get this party started!" Every little thing makes him giddy and giggle. He cheers at the good parts of every movie, when the hero is winning and the bad guy is losing, or when one thing stops happening and another thing starts happening. He is exuberant. He is ebullient. He's the "Hold my beer for me", and, "Watch this!" He was so ready to leave the orphanage, because he was excited for the next thing. He had to have the television on and play video games at the same time. He ran around the room, looking at every thing and touching every thing. There was a piano in the room and he banged on the keys until he got bored and moved on to something else. I learned to say "Nyet!", because he touches EVERY key on a computer keyboard. When he comes into the room, he hugs all three dogs, kisses them and rubs his face in their fur. With a laugh. He rolls around on the floor with them. Now, the adult in me sees that he turns into Pigpen: a ball of dog hair. But slowly, I am learning to take a breath and count to ten and just let him get that out of his system. There is a point where his excitement and enthusiasm goes a little too far.He gets so excited that the connection between his brain and his hearing unplugs and he becomes a wild, happy drunk. We're all trying to adjust to his pure, uncut J-O-Y. There is a wonder in his eyes at every thing he sees and experiences.
What the world needs more of is to be able to break out into spontaneous song. Ethan will be doing something; and then, he'll just start singing. Loudly. At. The. Top. Of. His. Voice. Breaking the peace and tranquility of me sitting under a tree by a stream in my imagination. And then, I'm all, "Hulk, SMASH!"
Angry drunk and happy drunk tend to clash like The Odd Couple. We haven't had linguini on the walls yet, but there's been a lot of finger pointing. "Justin EVERY thing, and me NOTHING! Justin YEAH, and me NO!", then, "He's in my stuff! He doesn't ASK! He's all the time asking dumb questions! Questions, questions, questions!"
At one point, between Christmas and New Year's, Justin said to me, "Things were better here before he came here!" Yeah, because angry drunk was a solo act, and now he has to share the stage and the spotlight with happy drunk.
I was the youngest in my family. I could tell that my two older brothers didn't ALWAYS appreciate having me around ALL THE TIME. They had their own friends, their own crowd; and having a baby brother around wasn't ALWAYS cool. I'm a pretty sweet and wonderful person, but I do tend to get annoying after a while. But like any mold or fungus, I tend to grow on people and choke the will out of them so they can't run away.
I'm just waiting for a more peaceful solution than that between Felix and Oscar. They do have a lot of fun together...when they are wrestling and trying to choke the life out of each other.
I say, no broken bones and no spilled blood and every body goes to bed happy!
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