"...And the Lord said, Who, then is that faithful and wise steward, whom his lord shall make ruler over his household, to give him his portion of food in due season?
"...For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required; and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more."
~ Luke 12: 42, 48b
"With great power comes great responsibility." ~ Uncle Ben Parker, The Amazing Spider-Man by Lee and Ditko
Hi! We are Cathy and Dave. This is our adoption journey. After nearly seven years of trying to start a family, it's been two years since we were first introduced to our son, Justin, who in turn introduced us to our son Ethan. A big part of our journey has been the miles and miles across nearly seven years waiting for our boys to find us. A smaller part of our story is how it all began.
Today marks the one hundred first anniversary of the birth of Danny Thomas. Wikipedia, and Mr. Thomas' autobiography say that as a young starving entertainer with children, Danny Thomas made a promise: that when he was blessed to find work, he would repay that gift to Saint Jude, the patron saint of lost causes. When he passed away in 1991, he passed the baton of promoting Country Cares for St. Jude Kids to Randy Owen from the group Alabama. The success rate in finding a cure for childhood cancer is remarkable.
Cathy went a number of years with undiagnosed cancer. It was discovered when we started a fertility program to have children. We were both shocked. She was given the diagnosis on a Wednesday and in surgery to remove the cancer a couple days later on Friday. I am blessed that I didn't lose her. I understand what people go through fighting cancer. I understand how terrible it is to face losing a child to cancer.
I don't believe in coincidences. I think things happen for a reason. I believe that the larger, greater journey that we are on gives us an opportunity to grow and learn and become something more than where we start.
Before Justin found Cathy and me, I was a jerk. My boys are helping me grow and they both are teaching me a lot. The best part is that it's a fun experience.
Cathy and I have had such an incredible opportunity to be introduced to wonderful people that have been touched by adoption. It is so great to hear people tell us how grateful they are for adoptive parents. It is so incredibly touching and moving to hear that being a dad and a mom makes a difference. That Cathy's and my hard work, sweat and tears have a super power to them.
We were bowling last Sunday with the families from the orphanage where Justin, Ethan, Cathy and I made so many friends; and what we heard was how much Justin has developed in the last year or more. We had heard that he was a handful. High maintenance. We've seen some of that. We've had a few hard times with him. But, I am convinced that he is awesome. I may be a little biased in my opinion...
Ethan could not be more different from Justin. I love both my boys. Ethan gives me pause. He has an energy and exuberance so much like Justin. He is loud and boisterous. He laughs loud, he sings loud, he eats loud. At times, it's like he's stepped out of a musical, he breaks into spontaneous song. Like Justin. There is not enough of that going on today, really.
But what separates the two boys is that whatever experiences they have gone through, Justin built up a tough outer shell. He's aggressive and defensive and protective. Getting him to trust has been our biggest challenge since he's been home. Ethan, on the other hand, wears a smile and a laugh to cover up the scared little boy he is. Where Justin has become a champion, Ethan has become a victim. Justin could go the whole day without eating and be fine and happy. Ethan can't survive a few minutes. His first question is always either When do we eat?, or When is the next meal? Next, he is always telling us that he is hungry, and letting us know what he wants to eat. In his developing English, it comes out "And me eat!" The challenge that we're facing with him is getting him to understand that over the last twelve months that Justin has been here, he has earned every one of the privileges he enjoys. Ethan looks at what Justin has and we can see where he wants a big slice of that.
Over this last week, Justin and Ethan have had their first sleep over. It started as a bowling and pizza party, with a birthday celebration thrown in, too. It escalated as Justin and one of his friends, Alex, asked if Justin and Ethan could stay over. That gave us New Year's Eve eve with a very quiet house. It's a shame that Cathy and I were still trying to shake off this crud and couldn't enjoy it more...But, after work on New Year's Eve, we drove up to spend time with the boys and our friends Mike and Andrea. Mike texted me to warn me that the boys had Nerf rifles and that I might need to pick one up to defend myself - they were plotting to ambush us as we walked in the door. A good woman is patient in the toy aisle. A great woman helps you pick stuff out. I was looking at the rifle and ammo. Cathy picked out guns to surprise the boys when we got back home. We had a blast! Mike and Andrea noticed how different justin was now, and how much both boys missed us.
Ethan has had his first day back to school after the long break for Christmas and New Year's; AND, he's had his first bus ride. Both boys are riding the bus to school now. Wednesday, when I took Ethan to school, he got in the car and complained that it was cold. He wanted me to wave the wand that picked me at Olivanders or use my Sonic Screwdriver on the heater to make the car instantly warm. I looked at him in the back seat and noticed he didn't have his gloves and hat on. I asked him where they were. "And me no," he replied. We need to find your hat and gloves, Bud, I told him. He giggled at me. I found his hat and gloves after dropping him off at school and set them out for him for Thursday. Friday morning, when I asked where his hat was, he said he left it on the bus. Here is where I knew I had become both MY dad and mom. "Well," I said, "What good is your hat doing you on the bus?" He smiled at me...like an infant with gas.
Friday, I had to pick him up halfway through the day for his first doctor's visit and first round of immunizations for school. He had three shots. He was a trouper, but Cathy had a challenge getting him to look at her and not at his arm when the needle went in. He didn't complain much at all. We weren't sure if he would be able to head back to school for the rest of the day, and we were kicking around the idea of letting him take it easy at home. Unfortunately, we didn't use the cones of silence in front of him. He perked up at the idea of having the rest of the day off. When things didn't turn out that way, it seemed that the vaccinations kicked in hard and he was severely bedraggled. I walked him back to his class as they were all going to the language lab, and I got to see him walk with another boy, his hand a "brain sucker" on the other boys head. I left him with the parting words he always uses with me, "No touchin' me!" He uses that when he wants Cathy and me to stop tickling him. He'll laugh and giggle, screaming "No touchin' me! No touchin' me! No touchin' me-ee-ee-ee-ee!"
We spend a lot of time refereeing between the two boys. Justin complains that he's too loud. He's eating too loud! He's talking while I am playing games! He's all the time asking questions! Make him stop! The hardest thing Justin has said was that things were so much better before Ethan came home. Ethan looks at Justin as more privileged and favored. So, pretty much what we're hearing is, "Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!" from both boys.
As Lloyd Bridges said in Airplane, "I picked the wrong week to give up sniffing airplane glue!" I don't really sniff airplane glue...But, I do grit my teeth and tell myself that I am so happy to have what I have always wanted. And I laugh, because Mom always wished that each one of her children would be blessed with kids like them.
I wouldn't trade either one of them for anything.
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