A Home For Masha 1st Shoutout!

 

 If you would like to join us on our final journey to bring Masha home, click here.

A Home For Masha

Hi, we're Cathy and Dave. Our adoption journey began a few years ago when we brought our son Justin home from Ukraine. He was the answer to our prayers. While we were there, he put his arm on the shoulder of another boy, and introduced him to us.

"This is Ethan, my brother!"

We got to know Ethan, and came to love him as much as we love Justin.

When we returned to Ukraine to bring Ethan home, he introduced us to a young lady.

His question to us was, "Masha. Sister?"

 

No one said it would be easy growing our family and we never expected it would be. We never set out to adopt a specific number of children. We simply asked to grow our family and have children. God has answered the prayer in steps. At times while planning our second trip to Kiev, Dave and I thought we may be done but we never quite shut that door completely.

The heart knows what the heart wants all in due time.

I look back almost 9 years ago, our first plans were to adopt a girl from China and then from Vietnam. We had even chosen her name...Emma Grace. Unfortunately that didn't work out but I don't think we evergave up on the idea of having a girl.

I thought being blessed with just boys was enough. I wasn't disappointed. The desire to have a girl was pushed to the back of my mind.

Dave and I began talking about a third child. A daughter. Ethan began hinting about a sister. Justin hinted about Ethan and now Ethan was hinting about a sister. We would smile and not really answer.

A couple of days before I was to come home, Masha told the orphanage manager that she didn't want to be adopted by anyone else but us. She had even picked her new name. Isabella Masha

Dave was blessed to spend three more weeks with her while getting Ethan ready to come home. He says she has a sweet giggle. She loves art. Doesn't like spicy foods - not even ketchup. She would take Ethan's English lesson and work on it herself.

And so we begin the process again towards our FINALE. Our third adoption. Dave and I are ready to begin our next chapter of family life. Just being parents raising our children - three teenagers by next year! Adoption isn't easy and it isn't something that we take lightly but it is for the kids that we do all of this. They deserve nothing less than a happy and healthy family. God has blessed us and we are forever grateful.

My heart wants what my heart wants. I am blessed with two wonderful boys that love and challenge me. And soon a daughter that we will get to know and see her blossom just as the boys have. Adoption isn't easy as I said, it is a sacrifice that is worth everything.

We sacrifice for those things that we desire the most. For Dave and me, it is a family. A family that we can pass our values down to. Enjoy and cherish our time together. And finally see them grow families of their own.

I can't ask for more. I am blessed beyond measure. I long for the day when all three of our kids are home safe and secure with us. Challenges will continue but we will be TOGETHER.

  

 

If you would like to join us on our final adoption journey, to bring Masha home, you can here.

...And We Are Back

Hi! We are Cathy and Dave. We've been on an amazing journey to become parents. It took us nearly seven years; but we brought our first son, Justin, home in October of 2011. Last December, we brought Ethan home as Justin's brother. Our goal is to go back one final time, to bring home our daughter, Masha.

Dave sez, I hadn't really planned to take time away from keeping up and updating our 'blog. It's been kind of an unplanned hiatus. If you're a parent, maybe you can easily understand what it's like. The passed seven months, with both boys, have been busy. Our journey shifted from the "wanting" to the "having". Cathy and I had spent so much time together, just the two of us, that once Ethan came home, I felt that, having the two boys meant spending my time with them. Doing things with them. Making memories with them. I looked back on when I was growing up: my own Dad and Mom worked long hours. They worked, then came home and did things around the house. We didn't spend a whole lot of social, family time together. So, when I got to be a teenager, and I had friends, I spent time with my friends doing fun things. When I thought of spending time with my parents, the word "fun" never came to mind. In a lot of ways, Justin and Ethan are very different from me; but, when we spend time together, I want them to look back and remember it as being fun. Fun. Enjoyable.

So, I haven't had a whole lot of personal free time away from the boys. Justin's schedule for school was pretty early. He had to get up early to catch a 6:35 bus to school. Ethan had Justin's old bus routine, where he caught an 8:10 bus. After putting him on the bus, I dropped Cathy of, and then headed in to work. There's not a whole lot to do outside in the winter. Maybe sledding and tubing. Every day, the boys would ask if they could play basketball; or ride Justin's bike; or play soccer; or go on the trampoline. When Justin first came home, we enjoyed a really mild winter. It was cold, but we didn't get very much snow until March; winter's last gasp. Justin probably figured it would be the same again this past winter. Funny, not so much. There wasn't a whole lot of time spent outside. Beyond shoveling, Ethan got bored with sledding and came back inside to play video games.

We're all glad that the seasons have finally changed so that the boys can go play basketball, ride bikes, go on the trampoline.

But, I'm starting to feel like a drained battery. I'm feeling more and more the need to plug-in to recharge.

Cathy and I have gone from staring at each other, to running to karate three nights a week and family movie time. Bedtimes that start at nine at night and drag on for a half an hour. Basketball, baseball, football and trampoline. going out into the back field, or down the street, for soccer. Ethan wears out quickly, runs out of steam, gets bored and wants to go back inside to watch a movie or play video games. Justin just goes like he is a solar battery. The three of us have to find a common ground so that Ethan gets enough activity; and, there is some way to reign in Justin's dynamo spirit.

There are moments when I envy Cathy, that she can opt out. But this is what I wanted.

Let me be honest. It was a huge change for me to make the commitment to being a dad. Cathy scared me when we first got married, because she wanted to have my children. She was excited about it. I was barely mature enough to be responsible for myself. I was glad that she was adult. She could be responsible enough for both of us. So, I put off having kids by telling her that once we had kids we would being doing things for them, and not the things we wanted to do. The plans that we made, the trips that we took would be for our kids, not the trips we wanted to take for ourselves. Yes, I was very selfish. But I figured if we did the things we wanted to do, then I would be ready to do things with my kids. Funny thing is, we didn't make any grand plans for ourselves. The best plans Cathy and I have ever made included a chance meeting with Aang and Spongebob and Patrick at Nickelodeon Universe. The coolest thing in the world is seeing the expression on Justin's and Ethan's faces at how excited I was to have my picture taken with these characters that they like.

They wanted to go on the log flume ride. So, Cathy and I told them we would meet them at the exit. Well, it turns out they couldn't ride without an adult. so they came back out the entrance to the ride and started looking for us. We were not too far away, waiting for them at the exit. In the crowd, Justin had to look for us. I imagine it was the same thing he did in Kiev, in Independence Square. There's all these people going back and forth to work.There's the McDonald's, and all the street vendors and kiosks. It's crowded and disorienting. That's the square. There's a busy two-level shopping mall right underneath the square. Outside the upper level of the shopping mall is the subway. There's shops and vendors there as well. The escalator ride down to the train platform is two minutes long. When you are always looking up at the world, it can be a very big and frightening place. When they finally found us at the ride exit, Justin hugged Cathy tight. I saw tears at the corner of his eye.  Cathy told me her shoulder was drenched after he hugged her. This was near the end of a day where we were all tired and irritable and cranky with one another.

He told his mother that he wasn't ready to say goodbye to us yet.

October 23rd marks our second anniversary with Justin coming home for good. December 7th marks Ethan's first anniversary.

They are exhausting, high-maintenance boys.

And they're all ours.

  

The One About The Busy Lifestyle

Wednesday, March 6th, 2013, 7:59am

Dave sez,

If you're a parent, then you already know the lesson that Cathy and I are learning. You're always on and you'll get to sleep when your dead.

We enjoy spending our time like most parents do, running from one thing to the next. Justin has karate Tuesday and Friday nights, Thursday afternoons and Saturday mornings. He just had a tournament in Bloomington that he did very well at. This week he started indoor soccer at school. He's been bugging about dropping karate for soccer. For the last year, Justin has been asking, begging, pleading and nagging about soccer. It doesn't help that we live near a soccer field, or that he has a collection of at least a dozen soccer balls. We got him a Eurocup 2012 ball before we came home together. Since then, Cathy has been tracking down signature soccer balls from players like Christian Renaldo on Team Madrid. We've been trying to find a way to balance karate and soccer. Hopefully, indoor soccer a couple days a week at school will hold him until we can get him in a league.

Maybe you saw some of the pictures from our photo shoot. Week before last we went over to Essex Park, near the house with Tessa Leen and had some pictures taken. It was amazing to see the boys show off their personalities. There were a few things that Tessa asked us to do, but for the most part she just asked the boys to stand still long enough to capture them on camera. Being around Justin as long as we have been, we're pretty much kinda used to his signature poses, moves and smiles. We're getting used to seeing what Ethan comes up with. he has the signature "Thinker" and John Belushi one eyebrow raised move. He likes to do the goofy tongue wag move. That move kinda drives both Cathy and me crazy. All of a sudden, he break out that goofy face. Cathy will tell him to stop. I'll tell him to keep his tongue in his head.

What we're noticing is that Ethan has a few survival instincts that he needs to let go of. He really is like Jan Brady. He is constantly comparing with Justin. What we're trying to help him understand is that Justin has been home for a little over twelve months, and Ethan has been home only a few weeks. Tomorrow, March 7th, will mark three months since Ethan cam home to us for good. Ethan believes in entitlement. He doesn't ask, he announces what he is going to do next. It starts with the big bathroom announcement. "Me go bathroom!" I tell him every time that he doesn't need to release doves, roll out a red carpet and throw down rose petals. When my dad would excuse himself, Mom would always kid him that if he was gone "too long" she would send out a search party.

The next announcement is, "Me go play Wii!" Um, no, what you're looking for is "May I go play Wii?" Sentences that are questions begin with the words "May I".

Probably the funniest thing Ethan will do is when he is asking to play the PSP or DS, he will struggle with the words and outline the shape of the game with his fingers.

We've caught him speaking clearer English around other people when he didn't think we were watching. That did not go over well. Neither does his tattling on Justin.


Now, I believe that whistle-blowers should not be punished for revealing the truth. But there is a difference between uncovering something wrong and finger-pointing and assigning blame. We all do it.

When Mom and Dad tell you to do something, the acceptable response is, "Yes ma'am" or "Yes sir", not an entire monologue. Taking your plate to the sink is not an opportunity for debate. Garbage like gum wrappers go in the garbage can. Before putting your clothes in the laundry, empty your pockets. Unless it's money. No one wants to hear, "Justin, Justin, Justin!" Thanks for your help, but Mom and Dad see all and know all. We even know what you are thinking.

Justin's showed us a great deal of maturity and responsibility in the time that we've known him. Ethan has shown us that he believes he can skate and slide by just by flashing a sweet, toothy grin. He's become more of a challenge than Justin was. We could see that Justin was angry, and slowly that anger slipped away. We're trying to keep Ethan from developing into an arch-villain. We're trying to encourage cooperation and build teamwork, rather than competition. We're seeing that Ethan is very competitive with Justin.

The most important lesson we're revisiting with Ethan, that we still work with Justin every day on, is unconditional love. Love isn't earned, like privileges. Bad behavior doesn't take it away; good behavior doesn't make you a favorite or special or better. Love is an equalizer.

Really, when it's all said and done, time is love.

Might For Right! Justin's Karate Tournament

Dave sez,

Here is a recap of Justin's performance this past Sunday at the National Karate Team Championships & Intramural competitions.

He was partnered with another boy, named Anthony, from his class for the Shee Young Bo form. Anthony was sick all last week, so the boys worked separately, and then on Sunday, the put the final touches on their Bo form, before stepping in front of the judges.

Here is the video of their performance:

Here is the score they got:

 

Justin sparred after the Bo exhibition. Here is the video of his first match:                         

                        

He won his first match, but not his second match. One of his instructors, Mr. Rasinski said that he should have won. But, Justin and the class he was in were waiting a half hour before their matches, and that waiting seemed to get inside Justin's head and by the second match he was a little nervous, he told me.

Here's the video from the second match:                                   

                          

The official, seen in black, called another official over to watch Justin. The official, Mr. Boone, who knows Mr. Rasinski, complimented Justin on his "slick moves". Maybe he saw how nervous Justin was. Before handing out the awards, he complimented Justin again. We had a chance to talk after the matches were over and he kept complimenting Justin.

If he was doing it for my benefit, I am grateful. I am so proud of my boy!

Here's the video of the awards:                        

                         

Third place for Shee Young Bo form and sparring. That's not bad. We are so proud of our boy!

The One About The First Star Wars...And Other Neat Stuff...

Dave sez,

Hi! We're Cathy and Dave. As seen on ABC 6 News KAAL-TV with anchor Laura Lee. We moved to Rochester ten years ago; and, after being married for fourteen years, Cathy thought it was time I stopped procrastinating and started thinking about our family legacy. We started a fertility program, and she was diagnosed with cancer. We were lucky not to lose her, but our options changed. We spent nearly seven years trying to adopt before Justin found us...

We're trying to get the boys to understand that it is not ALWAYS playtime. What parent doesn't have THAT challenge?! It's not easy, because these guys are enjoying their freedom. Give an inch...

So, Cathy had a thought. After church this passed Sunday, she gave Justin instructions on what he and Ethan were supposed to do. Then WE went to the store. While we were gone they were supposed to get the job done. When we got home, and I came in to open the garage door, they were sitting watching television.

"Popi!" Justin jumped up out of his chair. He told me what he had done and what Ethan had done. "I put my hand IN the toilet and I cleaned it." What parent wouldn't be proud to hear THAT walking in the door?

When Cathy pulled the car in the garage, I told her it was white glove inspection time...except on the toilet bowl.

We're going to make this more of a routine. We have plans for this Saturday and Sunday. Justin has a karate tournament, where he will be showing off his form with his staff, and sparring. We got a nice breather, and the job got done.

While we were out, we found a pretty inexpensive copy of The Last Starfighter. A sci-fi movie from the mid-'80's starring Robert Preston. Cathy and I kept expecting him to break into verse when there was "trouble with a capital 'T' - and that rhymes with 'P' - and that stands for 'POOL'!"

I'd been trying for almost a year now to get Justin interested in either Star Trek or Star Wars. The Clone Wars animated series on Cartoon Network is totally different from the Star Wars films. Especially the GOOD Star Wars films. You know what I mean.

Justin really got into The Last Starfighter. Now, we'll be looking for Flight of the Navigator, but that's another story.

We thought we would give Star Wars a try, since it was the "boom" movie, inspiring so many other movies after it.

Every time we watch a movie, Justin has a million questions. Every one of them can be answered by, "Stop asking questions and WATCH the movie!" Why is he doing that? What's gonna happen next? How come -? "Stop asking questions and WATCH the movie!" Is he gonna -? But if - ?

At the end of The Last Starfighter, like every movie, Justin asks, Is there gonna be another one? I think there's gonna be another one! There should be another one - because that was a really good movie.

Sorry, Mr. Ebert, you can draw a complete diagram on why one movie is four stars and another is only two, but my boys KNOW a good movie when they see one.

Justin made it through the original Star Wars with extra, unnecessary CGI heavy footage with eyes as big as saucers. I even grabbed my vintage Land Speeder and showed it to him. He thought it was pretty cool. He even tried rolling it across the dining room floor.

I made him repeat after me, "Han shot first."

As he was going to bed, we made plans for The Empire Strikes Back.

When he got home from school, Mom let him call me at work on my cell to ask a question.

Can I go ahead and watch the next one? Oh-kay...but can't you wait until I get home and we watch it together? I want to watch the next one now! Can I, Popi, please? *Sigh* Some days it is harder than others to be a parent. Okay. I walked him through where he could find it on his own. Thank you, Popi! I love you! See you tonight!

When I got home to take him to karate, he told me that he LOVED Return of the Jedi...and The Phantom Menace!

WHAT?! You didn't wait for me to watch the third one, and then you went ahead another movie and watched the fourth one without me?!

GO TO YOUR ROOM, MISTER! YOU ARE GROUNDED FOR LIFE!!!

What I really said was, That's great, buddy, I'm glad you enjoyed them...with out me. And that is how I ended every sentence about the movies!

Justin did have some questions about The Phantom Menace. He was asking who Qui-Gon was, and who Obi-Wan was, and where all the characters he knew were. Where is the Darth Vader? And that was when I found out he had started it, but hadn't finished it. We finished watching it together. As much as I still hated Jar Jar Binks is how loud he and Ethan laughed at the character.

Ethan has been spending most of his time playing video games while we watch the movies. He's enjoying them, but in a, they are on in the background kind of way. I had to make sure that when I showed him my Land Speeder, I made sure it was only for a couple of seconds. He's at the developmental stage where things either go in his mouth or get broken.

I doubt that he will be excited about the collection of Star Wars action figures I still have. Maybe when he's older. Right now, we just savor the moment.

The One With The Big Confession

Dave sez,

I've hesitated to share this until now because of the rule on religion and politics. There is nothing that divides us more than our views and opinions on religion and politics. We're all on our own journey of faith and philosophy. But, so many people have told me and Cathy that our story is an inspiration. So, I'd like to take a second of your time to share this:

About six weeks or so ago we were coming home from church, and I decided to tell the boys what made me angry.

We were talking about the Pastor's message that morning. The Pastor was telling the story of Job. It was right after the Sandy Hook Elementary school shooting in Newtown. We were all looking for answers, and meaning. The Pastor wanted to provide comfort and tackle that hard question, "Why?" If God loves us - Why? Why would a loving God let bad things happen to good people?

He started the message in the first chapter of Job, where God is in his office watching his plan for us all unfold, and one of his district managers, Satan comes in for a one-on-one. Think Michael Scott from The Office walking in to see Morgan Freeman. God pulls out Job's file and starts telling Satan all the things about Job he's proud of. Satan says, Let me stop you right there; and he starts telling God all the faults and shortcomings about Job. God is so confident that Job is loyal, that he says, Okay, let's strip it all down, and unplug it. Satan takes it all away. The kids, the family business, his health - everything. Job's wife thinks she married the wrong guy. His friends are sure he's done something terrible to make God mad at him. The one employee that survives probably doesn't even give two weeks' notice.

The Pastor said that God's "secret wisdom" was to make Job stronger than he was before, and show Satan just how loyal Job was. God was giving Job an opportunity to draw closer.

The Pastor shared a very personal story, about something that had happened to him that made him angry at God. I started squirming in my seat, getting choked up by what he was sharing.

It was his personal story that started me thinking about my own personal story and what I decided to share with the boys in the car on the way home. What made me angry.

I told Justin and Ethan that Mama had been sick. I was angry that Mama had been sick.

What I didn't say to them was, Why would a loving God take away our opportunity to have kids? I wondered what I had done. Why God was mad at me. I was sure that Cathy had never done anything wrong ever.

After seven years of trying to adopt without success, I started to wonder what my purpose was. What God wanted from me, why this was happening to me.

Remember, we're talking about Cathy's cancer diagnosis...

In early December 2010, I talked with this same Pastor who was speaking and asked him to help me.

I will never forget what he told me. He said, "Dave, God wants what you want, as long as it's good for you. as long as it's in your best interest."

So, I went all in, and posted on Facebook, my New Year's Resolution, "I want to be a dad in 2011".

And, Justin found us.

After I told the boys how angry I had been, Justin said, "If Mommy hadn't gotten sick, you wouldn't have had me or Ethan!"

###

"...Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do."

James 1: 2 - 8