I've hesitated to share this until now because of the rule on religion and politics. There is nothing that divides us more than our views and opinions on religion and politics. We're all on our own journey of faith and philosophy. But, so many people have told me and Cathy that our story is an inspiration. So, I'd like to take a second of your time to share this:
About six weeks or so ago we were coming home from church, and I decided to tell the boys what made me angry.
We were talking about the Pastor's message that morning. The Pastor was telling the story of Job. It was right after the Sandy Hook Elementary school shooting in Newtown. We were all looking for answers, and meaning. The Pastor wanted to provide comfort and tackle that hard question, "Why?" If God loves us - Why? Why would a loving God let bad things happen to good people?
He started the message in the first chapter of Job, where God is in his office watching his plan for us all unfold, and one of his district managers, Satan comes in for a one-on-one. Think Michael Scott from The Office walking in to see Morgan Freeman. God pulls out Job's file and starts telling Satan all the things about Job he's proud of. Satan says, Let me stop you right there; and he starts telling God all the faults and shortcomings about Job. God is so confident that Job is loyal, that he says, Okay, let's strip it all down, and unplug it. Satan takes it all away. The kids, the family business, his health - everything. Job's wife thinks she married the wrong guy. His friends are sure he's done something terrible to make God mad at him. The one employee that survives probably doesn't even give two weeks' notice.
The Pastor said that God's "secret wisdom" was to make Job stronger than he was before, and show Satan just how loyal Job was. God was giving Job an opportunity to draw closer.
The Pastor shared a very personal story, about something that had happened to him that made him angry at God. I started squirming in my seat, getting choked up by what he was sharing.
It was his personal story that started me thinking about my own personal story and what I decided to share with the boys in the car on the way home. What made me angry.
I told Justin and Ethan that Mama had been sick. I was angry that Mama had been sick.
What I didn't say to them was, Why would a loving God take away our opportunity to have kids? I wondered what I had done. Why God was mad at me. I was sure that Cathy had never done anything wrong ever.
After seven years of trying to adopt without success, I started to wonder what my purpose was. What God wanted from me, why this was happening to me.
Remember, we're talking about Cathy's cancer diagnosis...
In early December 2010, I talked with this same Pastor who was speaking and asked him to help me.
I will never forget what he told me. He said, "Dave, God wants what you want, as long as it's good for you. as long as it's in your best interest."
So, I went all in, and posted on Facebook, my New Year's Resolution, "I want to be a dad in 2011".
And, Justin found us.
After I told the boys how angry I had been, Justin said, "If Mommy hadn't gotten sick, you wouldn't have had me or Ethan!"
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"...Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do."
James 1: 2 - 8
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