The One About The Time You Put In

Dave sez,

I learned my work ethic from my parents, just like Cathy did from hers.

One of the best reminders came when I changed careers and started in broadcasting. One of the instructors said to be indispensable. He told us in class that if one of the personalities was looking for something, like say a Sharpie, for instance, be the person with the Sharpie. In other words, be the person with the thing that everyone else needs when they need it. I've always taken that instruction to heart.

Last summer, Justin went around the neighborhood asking our neighbors to mow their lawn. A couple of them were very generous.

A friend of his told him about the new law, where kids under sixteen can work a limited schedule at places like McDonald's and Wendy's. On his birthday, I went with him to McDonald's and sat with him while he filled out an application. He had an interview a couple of days later. It was his first official job interview. I'm not sure who was more nervous, him or me. I asked him how it went. My son likes to project this image of being tough and cool. He's not alone. Ethan and Bella like to project an image of cool and calm confidence. That they are in complete control. I was amused to hear Justin use the word nervous describing how he felt in the interview. He was nervous about the questions he would be asked. I told him to be himself and be honest. It's been a over a month and he hasn't gotten a call back. I'm not so much worried about that. He's more focused on school. Cathy and I told him homework and grades come first.

As an aside, Justin was determined. One of his friends had told him about working in the food service industry. So, Justin was determined that he was going to do the same thing. Cathy's and my reaction was to remind him of his priorities. School comes first. He dug his heels in. It was only when we embraced the idea and supported him in his quest that things changed.

From time to time I encourage him in the job he already has. Chores around the house. Gentle reminders that he shouldn't need gentle reminders to do his chores. Thursdays are garbage days, gathering up all the trash bags from the trash cans around the house and putting the can out at the curb for Friday pickup. That's a joint project that he and his brother, Ethan, work on together. Weekends are for cleanup projects around the house. All three kids work on cleaning up after themselves, doing their own laundry and putting their clothes away.

Justin has a regular appointment to mow the neighbor's lawn. I reminded him that if our neighbors are paying him to mow their lawn, they shouldn't ever have to do it themselves.

Be the one with the Sharpie when someone needs a Sharpie.

    

The Road Ahead

Dave sez,

Cathy and I may have missed out on diapers and the "Terrible-Two's", but we are not missing a minute of the "Terrible-Teens". Don't get me wrong, our three kids are awesome. I don't mean to embarrass them in any way. I am so proud of every accomplishment. But we are all entering into that The Twilight Zone, that every child and every parent enters, where every second counts, and there are more teachable moments than there are not. Every choice, every fashion accessory, every lunchbox brings a new different lesson and consequences.

The road ahead is fraught with potholes and construction and gapers blocks. There is a sign-post ahead that reads...

...The Twilight Zone.

Justin is a great kid. He's shown that he's a survivor. No matter what, he has a very strong, basic survival instinct. I believe he'd last through the coming Zombie Apocalypse. I'd want him covering my back. He's very independent and has shown great leadership and mentoring qualities. Every time we talk, though, he tells me that he doesn't want to be a leader. That tells me he's ready to be one. He doesn't want to stand out. He wants to blend in and fit in. He wants to be cool and impress his friends. He wants to do the right thing, but still wants to impress his friends. Who hasn't wanted to do that, especially in high school! He wants to develop the high school super-power of camouflage. And he's telling me this, when I remember that my high school super-power was invisibility. I didn't want to be seen in high school.

Resistance is futile. Prepare to be assimilated.

What parent wants their son or daughter to be part of the pack - or the herd - or the masses? We all want to applaud the unique, singular achievements of our kids.

I am a man! I am not a NUMBER!

I don't want Justin - Ethan, or Bella - to be lost in a crowd.

I remember the crowd. The crowd was pretty safe. There's really no responsibility or accountability in the crowd.

As parents, we all know the downside to any crowd...

That's why we want them to stand out, right?

The other challenge that Cathy and I are facing as new parents of teenagers, is the growth of independence and questioning and challenging - - authority.

We hear a lot of "Why?"

I try to keep my answers pretty simple and basic. Y'know, even if you're not religious, you end up teaching your kids trust and faith. Trust in some things and some people bigger, better and smarter than they are. Even if you want them to believe in things like birthday presents, anniversaries and Christmas morning.

Sure, we could try to build independent, self-reliant adults that don't need anybody else. I don't know that I want my boys and my daughter growing up to be that. I'm not sure "trust in yourself, and no one else" is such a good motto to live by. I try to remind them every day of the uncanny miracle that brought each one of them to us. I don't believe in coincidence. There's no way that Cathy and I should be parents, let alone their parents.

    

I'd change that quote a little for Cathy and me as parents. Life moves pretty fast. It's important to keep our eyes open so we don't miss it. Kids change so quickly, from one minute to the next. Especially when every second counts.

Even though there are a lot of headaches, and heartaches, the reward is worth the challenge.



One Big Happy

What We Leave Behind...

Dave sez,

Next Tuesday is Ethan's birthday. When we went to his new middle school to pick up his schedule and have his photo taken, we met both his counselor and principal. His principal promised him that when he saw him in the hall next week, on the first day of school, on his birthday, he would stop and sing happy birthday to him.

Ethan is leaving behind the Newcomers program. Cathy and I think he's a late bloomer, which is alright with us. He's been in the Newcomers program at a couple schools. His teachers think the world of him. The Newcomers program is concentrated and specialized. It's one, or two classrooms, and lab. It's learning English. It's getting ready before diving headfirst into mainstream classrooms. Ethan is not his brother, Justin; or, his sister, Bella. But we have warned him that Justin's first semester was a bit of a culture shock; going from one or two classrooms with just a couple teachers, to hustling from one classroom to another on the other side of school. Imagine growing up on a farm out in the country and then moving to a big city like Minneapolis-St. Paul, Chicago or New York and you kinda have the idea. Looking at Ethan's schedule, it's laid out brilliantly. Most of morning classes are not to far from his locker. Then he heads downstairs for a class right before lunch in the cafeteria, and his next class after that is just down the hall. Bada-bing, bada-boom. Cake!

I read somewhere a while back that fewer and fewer people sew. It is becoming a lost art or craft. More people buy their clothes than sew them. With the whole world in front of her, Bella has taken up an interest in sewing. She wants to become a fashion designer. Right now, I'd guess she is more of a fashionista. Her grandmother, my mom, has sewn for at least the half century that I have been alive. The dining room table was taken over by a cutting board. I have a closet full of homemade Hawaiian shirts. throughout high school, Mom made pajamas and robes and patched holes in my wardrobe. It's kinda cool to see her and Bella bonding over needle and thread. Grandma bought Bella her first sewing machine. Then went out and bought her a second sewing project: pattern, material and thread.

I picked up the guitar and played for a few years through high school. I was in a band with a couple buddies. When we wanted to record a demo, Mom and Dad not only encouraged it, but supported it. When I started my career in broadcasting, Dad would introduce start conversations by asking people what radio station they listened to and then introducing himself as my dad. I was a morning show stunt man, called The Gerbil. My dad was in his late '60's introducing himself around town as "The Gerbil's dad". He didn't spend a whole lot of time telling me how much he loved me or how proud he was of me. He showed it. He told everybody else.

My guitar has sat in the closet a lot longer than I've wanted it to. Probably because a few years ago a few more strings than I've wanted have gotten broken.

When Justin first came to visit, he picked up my acoustic and just banged on it.

What Justin leaves behind is middle school. He and his sister Bella are 9th graders this year. Over the years of Newcomers and Middle School, Justin has never learned cursive handwriting. In this digital, keyboard age, cursive handwriting isn't taught anymore. With social media, iPhones, Skype and e-mail, there really isn't a need to learn how to sit down and write a letter or thank-you note. Justin has to practice signing his name before he can sign his name. It's funny to watch. Except when I see his hand hesitate and shake, and I realize just how hard it is and how paralyzing it is. We have to talk him through the process of how to sign his name in cursive. Instead of just leaving an "X" mark.

First Day of School 2014

Ethan, Bella and Justin have a lot to look forward to, starting the new school year. Our journey is bringing us to an Undiscovered Country of New Freshmen and a New Middle Schooler. Each day is going to bring us something new, different, exciting and hopefully wonderful. Isn't that something we all want with our kids? Something wonderful? A new day bringing a thrilling new pulse-pounding adventure?

Warp Factor Ten. "Let's see what's out there."

Make it so.  

The First Fifty

Dave sez,

I'm not having any trouble turning 50. "The big Five-O" ("Book 'em Danno!") I think that's maybe because a lot of people tell me that I don't act look my age.

I was in my late twenties when Cathy told me I would be great in radio. Well, she might have actually said I had a face for radio... I spent a few months as an intern at Shadow Traffic, in the Hancock Building in Chicago. Shadow Traffic provided road reports for all of the radio stations in Chicago. On a clear day, you can see not only the major highways - the Dan Ryan, the Eisenhower, the Stevenson, Lake Shore Drive and the Skyway - you can see Indiana, Michigan, Wisconsin and Iowa. After my internship at Shadow Traffic, I worked part-time as a paid intern at US*99. I worked there a couple of years and then got a job overnights at Q-98.5 in Rockford. I was the local board operator for the nationally syndicated After Mid-Nite with Blair Garner. When the show was automated, I moved to mornings as the morning show producer. When I started working mornings, a new afternoon personality was hired. As we got to know each other, I found out how old he was and he learned how old I was.

Cathy's and my anniversary came up. He asked if we had to ask our parents' permission to get married. I told him Yeah, I went to dinner with Cathy's mom and dad and asked permission to marry her. He stopped me and asked if I had to get my parents' permission to get married. Our afternoon guy was eighteen, and he thought I was the same age, and wondered how I could be married for five years. We both had a big laugh when I told him that I was thirty and that Cathy and I got married when I was twenty-five. He told me that I did not look that old.

To this day, people still tell me that I do not act look my age. Of course, my wife has been telling me for the last quarter century to grow up. Now that we have kids, it's kind of a different story. She tells me to lighten up.

I'll never forget when Justin first came home. He had first started school. I guess all the kids started talking about their parents and how old their parents are. He came home and asked how old Cathy and I were. I think he was a little surprised that we're older parents - or at least, older than his friends' parents were in the newcomers program. Cathy and I talked to him one night about it, and we asked if he was having any problems with our ages. It may have been a challenge at first, but now he makes a joke about how old we are.

Ethan and Bella were a little surprised at first, too.

I have no explanation for this collar...

Bells saw this old picture of me, and laughed so hard she snorted. "That's you?!" I said, Yeah, that's me. She couldn't believe it at first.

There are moments when I wish that Cathy and I had started our family a little earlier - when we were younger. Just like there are times when I wish we hadn't missed our kids early years. Those are fleeting moments. What we have is pretty special and cool. As much as I would like to change things, I wouldn't want to change to much to miss what we have. Yeah, I wish we could have been there when each one of our kids was born, and been there from the beginning. We're still together now, and that's pretty cool, too. Cathy and I may not have been able to change their diapers or be there at the beginning. But there are still some pretty cool, special times ahead.

There are still a lot of good years ahead.

   

The One About All The Mowing

Dave sez,

"Dad, can I mow?"

What do you say to that?
I never thought I would be a Dad. Then, I thought I would be "lucky" enough to have just one child-a son; a little bullet-proof, indestructible dynamo named Justin. One child led us to another; and another to another, and now Cathy and I have a daughter. A girly-girl princess.

Part of me wants to let her off. It's okay, Bells, honey, we got this, me 'n' Ethan. The Boys got this. Go help Mom with her flower bed; or with the laundry or the dishes...

 

But waitaminute... This is the kind of daughter I want~

So, instead of saying what a part of me was thinking, I really said to my little princess,

Sure! Let me show you how Ethan, Justin, Mom and I mow!

My daughter, like her two brothers before her, started mowing like a drunken sailor. Ethan saw that he had a little competition, and started bragging about how good he is at mowing.

One thing I am learning, is this: Give direction; point in the right direction and let go. The hardest part is the letting go. Standing there, smiling while each one of the kids bobs and weaves across the lawn like a drunken sailor on shore leave~

...Or Scotty, sauced on Romulan Ale. That's the hard part, isn't it? Delegating a challenging task, and then watching someone else take that task and complete it in their own way. And, no matter what, telling him or her that they did a GREAT job... But, there might be one, or maybe two things to work on improving next time.

Justin mowing in 2012



Ethan mowing
 

Bella mowing

 

It's kind of important that they have fun building a good work ethic. It's got to be a positive experience. What's that old saying, Find something you love to do and you'll never have to work a day in your life? Not a bad thing to pass on.

To Our Daughter Bella, On The Occasion of Her First Anniversary

Dave sez~

Dear Bella,

Today marks your FIRST YEAR home!

I never thought I would ever get to be a dad. I decided I would be okay with that, and that I would develop other interests and hobbies to try and fill the hole I never really knew I had. Guys like cars. Guys like sports. Guys like movies with car chases and guns and lots of explosions. Some guys, like me, like science fiction, 'cos there's swords and space ships and battles and sometimes there are explosions. Sometimes there are monsters and dragons. The monsters and dragons get all slayed with swords in battles. Space ships have battles and they explode in big fireballs.

Your mother wanted children. I love your mom, so I wanted what she wanted. That's how life works. Then I realized that I wanted what she wanted for the same reasons. More because I wanted it and less because I wanted her to have what she wanted.

That was when we met your brother Justin. He came to us as a surprise. We were very surprised. Mom and I had gotten to where we didn't think we would ever be parents. I never thought I'd be a dad. Your brother came to us and I thought that I was blessed enough to have one child. A son. Now you've come home to us, and I realize just how generous our blessings are.

I never thought I would get to be a dad. Then I thought I was blessed enough. I am so glad that you've come home to Mom and me. You, and both your brothers keep me on my toes. There is never a moment when I am not setting an example. But, that is only half of it. The other half is that every moment that we all have together as a family is special. When it comes right down to it, the one thing we all have is our memories. Every moment builds on the one before it and stacks up under the next one.

We had a bit of a hiccup getting everything put together to bring you home last year. There was a small, simple typo. It took a little bit longer than we expected to bring you home. There was also the turmoil in Kiev and tension between Ukraine and Russia while we were there. But, we were able to be together. I will never forget what our facilitator Valentin said when we were done.

"She was worth waiting for, wasn't she?"

The waiting was very difficult, and I was very homesick. But when it is all said and done, it is worth the effort.

Every moment is special and every moment is precious. I'm so glad that we have them to share as a family, and memories to build. This passed year has been so exciting. I'm looking forward to many, many more with you, your brothers and Mom.

Happy anniversary, Bells.

Love,

Dad

The One About The Broken Arm

Edited by Cathy and Justin,

Dave sez,

I feel like a bad Dad.

No, not Billy Bob Thornton, in the 2003 Dimension Films, Buena Vista Pictures film Bad Santa - can you believe that film's getting a sequel!

I feel like a bad Dad.

"I'm a bad father."

Justin's a pretty tough kid. He plays soccer hard. He plays basketball hard. He was into karate for the sparring. He trampolines hard. Like any kid, he's ten feet tall and bulletproof. Indestructible. Any surprise that his favorite character is-

Along with Aang, Avatar: The Last Airbender and the characters from DragonballZ.

 

So, he was riding his bike home a few days ago, weaving and zig-zagging around, and he took a spill. He braced himself with his right hand when he went down. scraped up his shoulder and his knee. At first, his arm looked like a sprain. He could wiggle his fingers, but his forearm was a little swollen. Since he's a pretty tough kid, we gave him some aspirin and we kept an eye on the swelling and pain.

A tough kid, still complaining about his arm hurting, I took him to the Emergency Room for x-rays.

The x-rays showed a hairline fracture just above his right wrist. My heart sank. Sure enough, Justin had a broken arm.

The medical team did assure me that we did the right thing not to rush in right away; and it was a good thing we came in when we did. I still tend to angst over pert near everything... 

I'm not sure who took it harder. Our medical team walked Justin through the step of how he was going to get a cast on his broken wing. "We're going to give you a local anesthesia. Then we're going to numb the area of your arm."

"Is this gonna hurt?" Justin asked.

"We're going to give you a local anesthesia. Then we're going to numb the area of your arm. And then we'll put on a cast."

"Is this gonna hurt?"

No, buddy. Not a bit. They're going to give you an anesthetic, so you'll be all relaxed and you won't feel a thing. Then, they're going to numb the area of your arm so you won't even feel anything then. Then, they're going to put a cast on your arm so it mends and heals. What color do you want? Black? Blue? Hot Pink?

"Hot pink to impress the girls."

I was sitting next to his bed during the whole process. They gave him laughing gas. His has an unusually shaped face so it took some doing to get the mask right. I thought for sure they would get a helmet, so they could cover his whole head! Ha!

He finally relaxed and was floating on cloud nine. They numbed the area of his arm, and went to work.

While they were manipulating my son's forearm and snugging it inside the cast, I started to feel a little sweaty, cold and clammy, dizzy, light-headed and a little disoriented. That was probably the best time for me to look away, concentrate on my breathing and maybe put my head between my legs.

I asked for some water, and then some apple juice, too. Here's a picture: me in a bed, right next to my boy with the broken arm! Ha!

The good news is, we both pulled through with flying colors. Well, at least I did. Justin still has a broken arm in a hot pink cast. He can't play basketball, flag football, soccer, ride his bike or bounce on the trampoline for a while. It's not easy being grounded like this. Plus, he has to deal with me. I'd be more than happy to swaddle him in bubble wrap...just at least until he turns twenty-one.

We can't always do that, though, can we?

Our little "Boy of Steel" is finding some very simple tasks are a little more challenging now. Life is just a little more frustrating now.

We're all learning a little bit of patience.

  

Justin: My arm's broken!

Dad: Well, at least they didn't have to amputate... Psych!