Notes From Our "Happily Ever After"

 

 



Dave sez,

 

...And they all lived happily ever after.

 

THE END

THE BEGINNING!

 



So, here's what I'm wondering, what do YOU consider a special occasion? In no particular order, here's what I consider special occasions: my birthday; Father's Day; definitely Cathy's and my anniversary, her birthday and Mother's Day; family and friends' birthdays and anniversaries - at least the ones that Facebook is kind enough to remind me of; and, Christmas and Easter. Probably right up there with Cathy's special days are the special days with the kids~

Monday, January 3rd, the day that we first met Justin.

August 10th, Justin's birthday.

Friday, September 23rd, the day we first met Ethan.

 

His birthday is September 8th.

 

 

Sunday, October 23rd, the day Justin came home for good.

December 29th, 2011, the day we picked Ethan up from the airport for his three week visit. He was with us through Martin Luther King Day.

 

 

October 29th, was when we headed back to bring Ethan home.

 

November 16th was his Court Date.

 

December 7th, he finally came home for good.

 

 

But not before he introduced us to our daughter, Bells.

 

November 18th, was when we knew that Bells had picked us to be her parents and didn't want to be anyone else's daughter.

Her birthday is April 12th.

April 30th was her Court Date.

Friday, May 30th was when she finally came home for good.

We've been enjoying our "Happily Ever After". It's been pretty challenging for the boys to adjust to having a sister. Justin is pretty rugged. And modest. And shy. He and Ethan have been pretty confused that Bella would not want to try to keep up with them. She's not really into sports; so, basketball, soccer, baseball and football this summer have been out of the question. The trampoline has been the big deal. Justin will not take no for an answer when it comes to the trampoline. It helps that Bella enjoys "Popi-corn" just as much as both boys. (If you're not familiar with "Popi-corn", that is where all three kids sit Indian-style - with their legs crossed, holding their toes - and Popi - that would be me - jumps on the trampoline until they let go of their toes, uncross their legs and flop around like fish on the trampoline.

I'm not rocket-brain surgeon, but from what I have seen and experienced with the kids, I'm convinced that they have learned things, certain habits, that help them deal with and cope with the unique experiences they have gone through. Justin has learned to be aggressive and assertive. A take-charge, Alpha. He's the protector and defender. He's curious and wants to know everything. Knowing is a certain sense of control and security. Ethan tries so hard to be likeable. He's always smiling always laughing, always trying to be funny. Cathy or I will ask Justin or Bella a question and we'll hear Ethan answer it. He starts a lot of sentences with, "I think" and then tells us what he thinks Justin or Bells likes or thinks. The challenge we're finding for Ethan is to carve out a singular, individual identity. Justin likes soccer and gymnastics. Ethan likes wrestling.

Bells is still adjusting to being home and part of a family. Like the boys, she's finding that she has a Mom and Dad. There are rules and expectations. There are consequences. Bad habits are easy when you are one of a dozen or more, like in a classroom. But, when you are part of a family, and it's more one-on-one, bad habits tend to stick out more. Cathy and I are pretty familiar with each one of our kids' personalities and we're learning more and more how to handle bad habits and behaviors. I remember most of the things that were going through my head when I was their age. Most kids have an elaborate Rube Goldberg plan that they are always working on; a series of steps from where they are to where they want to be and what they want to have or achieve. It's like those Tom & Jerry or Road Runner cartoons, where Tom or Wile E. Coyote come up with this elaborate scheme. The ultimate goal is to develop the perfect mouse trap; or capture the Road Runner for dinner. What I've found is that it keeps me on my toes, so that it turns into more of a Mad magazine Spy vs. Spy game. Unfortunately, I've never been very good at chess, so it's a challenge to block each one of their moves. It's better to point them in the right direction and show patience and understanding. Most of those elaborate devices evaporate when it becomes clear that there's an easier, more direct path from Point A to Point B. I've been asking Ethan what he wants. When he tells me, I tell him what he has to do, or the effort he has to give to achieve it. "What do you want, and what are you willing to give for it?" We all want something. Nothing comes without effort.

 

Justin had been going to karate, but needed a little time to adjust to regular seventh grade classes. It was a challenge for him going from a single classroom to running from classroom to classroom for seven different classes. Now that he's gotten a better handle on that he is taking gymnastics. Bells, Ethan and I have been going and watching him.

He's been awesome to watch. We're hoping to get Ethan and Bells into something like that. They both have to improve just a little on their English skills to be ready for sports and activities. Listening to the instructors and coaches and being able to communicate is an important skill. That starts at home. It's a work in progress.

So, that's what's been going on in our little "Happily Ever After".

 

THE BEGINNING