So, once again, I am trying to explain to the kids how we Spring Ahead. Coming up next weekend, March 7th and 8th, we set the clocks ahead one hour. We lose an hour of sleep. In return we get more daylight. This is what is known as Daylight Saving(s) Time. Everything is new to Bella. New things can be kind of scary. Her first year home is winding down and she has managed to survive a lot of new things. First time on an airplane. New home, new environment. Rules. New food. New school. New friends. Rules. She's taking it all in very well. Patiently. A sort of blank expression on her face. Ethan and Justin are looking at me like I'm trying to add Purple and Banana to equal Twelve. And, by the way, I still love the way Justin pronounces the word "twelve"! He's kind of grown out of it, now, but when he first came home he would enunciate the word as "tweh-lev". Justin, what's ten plus two? Justin, what's thirteen minus one? Justin, how old are you? For me, that joke never got old. It did real quick for him, though. My son tried to summon all the midichlorians he was born with to Force-choke me to stop. Trying to explain the time change to Ethan and his brother just makes the two of them look at me cross-eyed. Ethan screws up his face and says, "Heh?"
Sunday, March 8th, 2015
This is an ideal example of customs that we have, however you want to classify "us" - Americans, Midwesterners, Parents - that our kids have to adapt to. I've shared how Justin's first breakfast at home was biscuits and gravy - my favorite. It was our first weekend home with Justin, Cathy asked what I wanted. I told her. She made it. Our son didn't say that he did not like biscuits and gravy. He said that biscuits and gravy was bad. We didn't have biscuits and gravy again until Ethan came home the following December. Friends told us that instead of not making biscuits and gravy because Justin didn't like it, Cathy should have made biscuits and gravy until Justin became more accustomed to it and learned to enjoy it as much as I did. What we are learning as parents is that all three kids need time to adjust and become accustomed to new things.
It's funny how confusing the time change still is to Justin. He's been home the longest. It's like explaining time travel.
It's like I'm explaining a trip around the sun or how to walk through the Guardian of Forever.
Justin keeps asking, "Wait a minute...will we be getting up later?" No, you'll be getting up for school at the same time. It will just seem later. Six in the morning will seem like seven in the morning. It will be six in the morning. But it will feel like seven. Kinda like the wind chill factor, where nine below actually feels like thirty below because of the driving, howling, biting wind.
"But won't we be getting up later?"
Justin gets confused because I actually try to explain how six o'clock will actually be more like seven o'clock. My Mom used to help me with math using blocks. She would have ten blocks; and then, take away five blocks and put them behind her back. She would ask me how many blocks she had after putting the five blocks behind her back. I would tell her she still had ten, five on the table in front of us and five behind her back. Which is why I have always considered Math my Lex Luthor. Or, Ultron (The Avengers 2: Age of Ultron in theaters May 1! I am so excited!!!) Stupid Math. Stupid building block of EVERYthing - including how we will eventually communicate with aliens!
So, I understand Justin's, Ethan's and Bella's confusion. I try to be as patient with them as I hope my Mom - and most every one else around me - is with me.
It's funny; because at some point, Justin is going to come and sit beside me and ask me what time it really is.
Dave sez, I guess I didn't have to worry after all. Justin is enjoying Friends. With no side effects. He thinks Ross is pretty whiney and Joey is pretty dumb. I guess, when he gets older, he'll appreciate it differently than he does now... Cathy and I are watching it a little slower than he is. We just finished the episode where Phoebe's brother is in love with his teacher, which is a little on the creepy side. Cathy and I agree that we're not fans of Giovanni Ribisi. We've seen him in James Cameron's Avatar and as Nicholas Cage's younger brother in Gone in 60 Seconds. As much as I liked the old The Mod Squad, I couldn't bring myself to see it because he was in it. We haven't seen him in a role that he had any redeeming or likeable qualities as a character. Hopefully, you won't think less of me for not liking him as Phoebe's brother and not liking his whole storyline. The real-life stories like that don't have punch lines, laugh tracks or happy endings. Not everybody grows up like Rachel, or Monica and Ross. Some people grow up like Chandler and Phoebe. Ribisi's storyline as Frank, Jr. is just bizarre. Even more bizarre is that it's played for laughs.
Two months ago, there was a "bend in the road". Bella's First Christmas and First New Year's was quieter and more low key than Ethan's and Justin's were. So was First Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
I had the day off yesterday, and the phone rang. We missed answering it. A couple minutes later, my cell phone rang. It was Bella. From school. At first, I was worried that she had missed the bus. She was excited on the phone. She was asking if she could go to a dance at school last night. Once I figured that out, I handed the phone to Cathy. I grabbed a paper bag to breathe into.
Last night was First Dance.
I think I've done pretty well up until now. Justin has had his "brushes" with girls. He talks to Mom, because Mom "understands girls". That's because she are one. Ethan is all about video games right now.
Bella was very excited about her First School Dance. She doted over her make-up and what she was going to wear. I chewed on my finger nails. The car ride over to school, I told her to have fun...but if anything happened - any thing at all - I told her to be sure to tell an adult. I reminded her that she could call Mom and me at any time, and I would come get her. I even asked her if she knew how to dial 9-1-1.
When I picked her up from school, I asked her if she had fun.
"No!" she told me. I had mixed feelings about hearing that. On the one hand, deep down inside I was cheering, "Yes!" I told her out loud that I was sorry to hear that. I asked her why. She said there was this one boy. Oh, there you go, it usually starts with one boy. He kept looking over at her, but he never came over to talk to her. My princess daughter told me that she thought this boy was too nervous. I told her that boys usually are pretty nervous about making a good impression - or, the right impression. Bella told me that she and her girlfriend spent most of their time at the dance together and all she had to eat there was chips. And she was starving! So, while she and Mom talked about what happened at First Dance, I threw a pizza on the Pizza Pizazz.
I love the personalities I see coming out in my three children. I love their senses of humor. Bella is usually pretty quiet. The boys are usually pretty loud and bombastic. There are moments, though, when Bella's eyes bug out and sparkle and she gets pretty animated and she makes jokes that make Cathy and I both laugh. She's a budding Tina Fey. She's witty and sarcastic and funny. She's funny in a dry, British sort of way.
Someday, Cathy and I are going to "adopt" a young man as her Prince Charming.
I'm probably going to have to invest in a lot of paper bags.
Here's what I know: in any relationship, you pick the battles you know you can win. You don't start a fight you think you might lose. Compromise is never a sign of weakness if done correctly. And by "correctly", I mean, every one gets something close to what they wanted in the first place. Life is what happens after you make plans.
Cathy and I are navigating the mine field of electronics.
You might remember when we were all kids, we had one form of entertaining ourselves: outside. Then, the first electronic device was invented; it was called the television. I remember growing up as The Human Remote. The only "control" I had was in changing the channel to what other people wanted to watch. I think it was when I finally moved out, and Cathy and I got married that I learned to enjoy the shows she liked to watch. It's really kind of fun to heckle home improvement shows, y'know like Mystery Science Theater 3000, where they sit and heckle old, bad movies? Yeah, like that.
Navigating the mine field of electronics means we are learning about our kids' tastes. Bella like young adult romances like Twilight. She's not a big Harry Potter fan, like the boys are. I took all the Harry Potter films with when Cathy and I went to bring Bella home last Spring. Yeah, they pretty much sat, lonely and unwatched. Bella was gifted with a tablet while in the orphanage. She used the internet connection in the apartment to watch YouTube videos of programs in Ukrainian. She does like Big Time Rush and Drake and Josh, just like the boys, though.
She's pretty easy that way.
The boys are a little bit more of a challenge. Ethan likes WWE and combat. Cathy's not much for blood and guts. I realize that even though we own Saving Private Ryan, I've never actually seen it. We have Black Hawk Down, I've watched it once or twice. I'm shocked - shocked, I tells ya! - that we do not have Patton in our DVD collection. That's like the Blazing Saddles of war movies. Ethan keeps asking to watch "fight" or "battle" movies, and we keep deflecting, mainly because it easier for all of us to watch a family movie than clear the room so he and I can watch a war movie.
Cathy and I have been watching Friends on Netflix. Maybe you are, too. That's kind of been a big deal that the show is streaming on Netflix now. Not that I'm trying to promote the show or the streaming or the Netflix; but Justin has discovered Friends and is watching it with us. He's even getting better at the clapping. He's clapping at the right time and on beat, but we have to work on the only clapping the once and then moving on.
I'm not sure how I feel about Justin watching Friends. I know that Ethan doesn't understand when I tell him that WWE is not entirely - *ahem* - completely (SPOILER ALERT) real. If Mom were to hit me with a folding chair or a table, or land a pile driver on me, she's probably need a pretty good reason. Oh, and I'd end up in the hospital, eating my food through a straw. I'm not exactly sure I want Justin to learn about relationships through Friends. Especially, since we've reached The One Where Ross and Rachel Take a Break. Not to mention Chandler's on again, off again relationship with Janice, and pretty much all of Joey.
Cathy and I like to watch the show, not so much for Ross and Rachel, or Joey or Phoebe, but for Chandler and Monica. We have a running conversation going, where we point out all the times before London ("London, bay-bee!"), where Chandler and Monica are sitting, if they are sitting next to one another; how they are sitting together; and, how often they confide in each other. Chandler and Monica seemed to be this great big secret that was keep for four seasons, before they started keeping the secret of being together.
Still, that's not something I think I want him to experience without supervision.
I'm nervous about it, because right now, the show we all can agree on is Castle.
It's amazing the things we become comfortable with isn't it? There's some mayhem and violence on the show, but it's not intense violence and mayhem. Castle reminds me of getting through high school watching Remington Steele. It's kind of fun bonding with the kids over what they like to watch. I remember when Big Time Rush was called The Monkees. Harry Potter was Encyclopedia Brown and he didn't have a film franchise. Harry, Hermione and Ron used to be The Mod Squad, and they looked pretty old for teenagers.
I'm just hoping that Justin makes it through Ross and Rachel's break-up okay...
So, Cathy and I had been talking about, What next?
Once Bella was home, what next?
We'd spent the last few years making an almost annual journey to Novisilky, and Kiev, Ukraine. What next?
Here's what I told her: The journey doesn't just end when all of our children are home. There's a bend in the road.
The first bend came while Bella and I were still in the Kiev. We spent the month of May staying very close to the apartment because of what was going on there in the city. We got updates from the embassy to be very cautious going out in public and being anywhere near large crowds.
I got an urgent message from my sister about my mom. It was right after Mom's birthday. She and a girlfriend had gone out to dinner for their May birthdays. Mom doesn't drive anymore and her girlfriend picked her up, they went out to dinner. They were going to do some shopping, but first, Mom stopped back by her apartment. She sat down in her apartment and couldn't get back up again. One ambulance ride to the ER later and we found out she had a blood clot in her leg and fluid around her heart. The doctors were working hard to save both her life and her leg. Mom spent a few weeks in the hospital and then in assisted living.
The folks taking care of her suggested permanent assisted living. Cathy and I talked about it. She had a better idea.
We would "adopt" my Mom.
When Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer, Cathy and I talked and she agreed with me it would be a good idea if they lived with us. They lived with us a few years before Dad passed away. Mom lived with us off and on and nearby off and on. I promised Dad that we would keep an eye on each other and that we would try to be alright. If he was tired and wanted to rest, that was okay.
We moved Mom in with us. It was another adjustment period. Each one of the kids is still adjusting. Justin is still adjusting to Cathy and I. We're adjusting to him. He's adjusting to Ethan, who's still adjusting to Cathy and I. Both Justin and Ethan are adjusting to having a sister. Each one of the kids is adjusting to each other and adjusting to having parents, rules and authority. Add to the adjustment a grandmother. Someone who gives love, hugs and candy freely, unconditionally, without strings.
Mom had a little bit of adjusting to do, too. When Mom and Dad first came to live with us, they had to downsize a home they built over thirty-some odd years. Mom had to downsize her apartment even more to come live with us.
There's been a bend in the road for Bella. She's transitioning from the Newcomers program to regular classes. In case you're not familiar with what a Newcomers program is; our three kids have been going across town to where the Newcomers program is. Each school has different grades for newcomers. Justin and Ethan started out at Riverside Elementary, on the other side of town. Riverside has Kindergarten through Fifth Grade Newcomers.
Justin has gone a little bit farther. He spent a year and summer school over at Willow Creek Middle School. He was there for Sixth Grade Newcomers. He's at his normal school now, in regular, mainstream classes with an ESL class. To give you an idea of the kind of bend in the road Bells is adjusting to; all three kids have been in an ESL Newcomers program. It's usually a single classroom with a teaching staff. The teachers work with the kids in the classroom. I don't mean this in a negative or a derogatory way, but it's almost a cocoon. Or a protective bubble. Which is what they need when they first come here and start school. It would be foolish to just throw them into the deep end of the pool, so to speak, with mainstream classes. The adjustment for Justin going from a single classroom, where he was with his classmates and his teacher; was, to go from that, to hoofing it around school from classroom to classroom. He had tardies, he was stressed, he got behind in his homework. He got behind, because he was working off a bad habit of doing his homework in the classroom, while the teacher was teaching another subject. The good news for Justin is that we hunkered down and got him back on track, while we were bringing Ethan home and we were all adjusting to one another.
It is great to hear that Bella is slowly transitioning to regular classes. The scary news for me is that next year, she will be joining Justin as a Freshman in high school.
A bend in the road.
Ethan is still a work in progress. He's what I would call a slow cooker. He simmers...or marinates. He's very much like me, so he may just be a late bloomer. What he needs is a Mom and Dad with a deep and unending supply of patience. Fortunately, Cathy and I have had some experience in the patience department. She and I are both very impatient people, so we know how to handle Ethan. (ba-dum-bump! Thank you ladies and germs, I'll be here all week! And don't forget to tip your waitress, she's been good to you!)
Now, I've just recently had another bend in the road. One that's given me time to work with Cathy on collecting all of the blogs we've written while we were bringing Justin home in 2011. I wanted to put some things into perspective, since Justin and my mom have never read any of the blogs. I wanted to make it a keepsake for them and share the hope, inspiration and growth that Cathy and I went through.
I took a class last October, taught by my friend, The Med City Movie Guy, Chris Miksanek. The class was all about De-Mystifying Print On Demand. It's a fantastic class, and I highly recommend it. If you have the desire to write, whether it's a zombie apocalypse novel, a travelogue, a family history or even a cookbook, Print On Demand is the simplest, easiest way to go. Since October, Cathy and I have been collecting the blogs into Word and adding pictures. Then we started editing and proof-reading. We asked some very good friends to help us with editing and proof-reading. We took our manuscript online for a print on demand book and edited it more to a final print version.
What we want to do is a book for each one of our kids that we can also share with anyone that wants to read all of the blogs in one sitting, or, like Justin and Mom, have not read them before.
Even though all of our kids are home now, every day brings a new adventure. Something different. One of the many things I have learned on this journey, is, that there is always some new and different around the corner. Like Grandma's story in the movie Parenthood.
"You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it."
One of the things I want to pass on to my kids is the same thing my dad always told me, when you come to a fork in the road, pick it up!
To our daughter, Isabella Marie, on the occasion of her FIRST Thanksgiving...
Dear Bells,
Happy FIRST Thanksgiving, Princess! I'm so glad now our family is complete and we are all celebrating your FIRST Thanksgiving home!
You're a pretty special young lady, from a very long and illustrious line of special ladies.
Your Grandma Doris is pretty cool. She helped Grandpa Eric make me into your dad. It was important to them that I know how to make the right choices, no matter how hard or painful it was. They both wanted me to work hard. When I was younger, Grandma took an interest in my handwriting. It was just as bad as both your brothers', Ethan's and Justin's. She told me that if I wanted her to read what I had written, I needed to work on my penmanship and make my writing clearer for her to read. Penmanship's a snap. Making the writing clearer to read has been the real job.
I can't say I blame you or your brothers for not liking to read. You're not the only ones. Grandma used to sit me by her sewing machine on sunny days to read.
Strange Companion, by Dayton O. Hyde was the first book Grandma had me read. I read other stuff, too. Grandma encouraged me to read. She even bought me my first comic books!
When I was a boy, comic books were sometimes sold in threes wrapped in plastic. Mostly they were sold off of a newsstand, with the magazines and books. Today, there are stores that only sell comic books, along with trade paperbacks, trading cards and games.
So, you're Grandma got me started reading and collecting comic books!
You probably already know this, but your Aunt Paula is pretty cool. I guess you could say she showed me that I could do anything, even fly. When I was much, much smaller - and lighter, too - she used to put me up on her feet and I would pretend I was flying. Yeah, she actually was like the wind beneath my wings!
Let me tell you, it was a pretty cool feeling!
She's a pretty cool mom, too. And a pretty proud grandma!
Now, your Mom? Well, she's a regular VIP. She's tough and she's a survivor. She got that from her mother, your Grandma Priscilla. It's a shame you never got to meet her. She was no-nonsense just like both your great-grandmothers, who just both happened to be named Ruth. I'm sorry that you are Ruth-less. My Grandma Ruth always told me that the first hundred years are the hardest. She lived to be 101. I guess she knew what she was talking about.
I am so excited that our adventure has shifted from bringing you and your brothers home, to the adventure we can all experience together!
Sweetheart, tomorrow is the biggest adventure ever! Whatever happens, you can always hold Mom's hand and mine and we'll all get through it - together.
I remember Freshman orientation for high school. We were all packed into the bleachers in the gym. There must have been a hundred of us. We got introduced to the Principal, the Counselors, and the Teachers. Blah, blah, blah. I didn't like school very much. I wanted to be anywhere but Orientation. I'm sure that somewhere, there was a comic book calling my name. I needed to race home, and check the red phone. Somebody there said, "Make the most of your four years here, because before you know it, it'll be over." I snickered. Yeah, right. High school is gonna drag on like Orientation. The next day, I was wearing a cap and gown at graduation. As I accepted my diploma, I remembered those words.
The only real lesson I learned from high school is to make the most of every minute. You might think that's Carpe Diem. "Seize the day". I think it's not only seize the day - or jump at the opportunity - but "be in the moment." Savor every second. Now, I'm not a very patient person, but I look at this as settle in and get comfortable. That might have come in handy had I learned that lesson while I was still in high school. I wasn't sure what your Mom and I were getting into when we agreed to spend a week together. But I knew I wanted to meet you. I knew I wanted to know what would happen next.
I've never been a fan of roller coasters. Probably because of my experience on The Demon at Six Flags. The summer The Demon opened, my buddy Derrick and I went on it. We were standing in line alongside the ride as they pulled a woman off and set her in a wheelchair and rolled her away. She looked pale and dizzy. My buddy Derrick said the color drained out of my face and I stopped talking completely until after we got off the ride. He said I turned white as a sheet.
Buddy-boy, you have been the greatest roller coaster ride in the history of roller coaster rides. I don't mind getting whipped around in all the twists and turns, the ups and downs. Okay, so I tend to scream like a little girl a lot - but, you, my "little buddy", are keeping me on my toes. You, your brother Ethan, and your sister Bella. As bumpy and rocky as the valleys are the hills are pretty thrilling and exciting. Probably a better way to describe them is...breathtaking.
You are incredibly challenging. I know that you feel the same sense of accomplishment that Mom and I do at rising and meeting the challenge. You have come so far - and not just geographically - and accomplished so much in such a short amount of time. Mom and I are so proud of you. It is so great meeting your teachers and listening to them say the same things about you. They are just as glad to have you around, just as glad that you are part of their world as we are.
There are a lot of people that think you're pretty cool.
I don't want you to get a swelled head - you do pretty good on your own, without Mom's and my help - or any of your teachers' help, either. I just don't want a minute to go by without you, or Ethan or Bells knowing how much we love you.
