Jump Right In

Dave sez,

Hi! We're Cathy and Dave! This is our adoption journey.

When Cathy and I were connected with Justin, I knew it was answered prayer. I knew it. I had committed. Cathy already was. I finally came on board, and I committed to that desire and I said, "I want to be a dad." More importantly, I asked for a child. I wasn't really sure what I was asking for really, since we had been through a number of different programs over the years. Most of the programs we had been in were for infants and newborns. That's where we wanted to start: at the beginning. One program at the longest had a waiting time of four years for a newborn. We were just one couple among at least eighty or more couples. We explored the county's foster-to-adopt program; we explored international adoption from China and Vietnam. In every program, Cathy and I kept coming to one child. So, when we heard that there was this boy, Georgiy, who was looking for his forever family...

I thought, Cool! That was it! We're done! Mission accomplished! Splash down! Ticker tape parade! Movin' on.

You have to remember, I wanted - and want - to be a dad. I committed. I said I wanted to become a dad.

Now, we can get all semantical - which is where I've been for a while now - I didn't specify my request. Maybe I should have.

I said I wanted to be a dad. I didn't specify how many kids I wanted to be a dad to.

The question I've come to - the question I've had to answer is: How open am I?

I'd reached a point where I'd given up hope and I was ready to give up on the idea of being a dad. I was looking for different ways to define myself, different accomplishments...different mountains to climb.

And then, Georgiy found me. Yeah, he found both Cathy and me. He found us both.

But he found me. He introduced Cathy and me to his brother, Shani. Who introduced us to Mahsa.

There's a story in the bible about talents, pounds and minas.

Now, since we believe that there is a God in heaven directing our journey...a Master Potter...then, How open am I? I don't think we've been saddled or dealt a bad hand. Of course I'm excited and challenged.

Boys are easy. Girls...not so much. I know the boys challenge Cathy. I get them. I was a boy. I know where they get the stuff they come up with.

I think being Masha's dad is going to be more of a challenge than being Ethan and Justin's. The boys and I will always have soccer and basketball.

The only way to know if we're ready for it, is to jump right in. I'm ready.

    

The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants

Hi! We're Cathy and Dave. Thank you for taking the time to get to know us better and follow along on our adoption journey and our adventure as new parents. We have two boys. Ethan is twelve going on thirteen - his birthday is coming up September 8th. Justin just turned twelve August 10th.

Justin was our first. Our miracle. The answer to our prayers. He introduced us to Ethan. Ethan introduced us to Masha. We're in the process of bringing Masha home.

This is what Cathy has to say about that:

  

 The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants

As we walk through the journey that began more than 2 years ago with Justin, many have asked why we are adopting again and how can we afford it.  No one said it would be easy growing our family and we never expected it would be.  We never set up to adopt a specific number of children.  We simply asked to grow our family and have children.  God has answered the prayer in steps.  And those answers came through our children...

Justin was our miracle and through him we met miracle number two, Ethan.  At times while planning our second trip to Kiev, Dave and I thought we may be done but we never quite shut that door completely.  The heart knows what the heart wants all in due time...

I look back almost 9 years ago, our first plans were to adopt a girl from China and then from Vietnam.  We had even chosen her name...Emma Grace.  Unfortunately that didn't work out but I don't think we ever deleted our thoughts of having a girl.  We just weren't sure how it would come about or if it really would.  All in due time.

When we adopted Justin, my thoughts were it is okay to have boys as I am not one to primp on clothing, jewelry, makeup and buy frilly things.  Those were my thoughts because I thought maybe we were being blessed with just boys.  I wasn't disappointed but being realistic.  So my desire for a girl was pushed to the back of my thoughts but never really gone.

 So it was no real surprise when we traveled over to Kiev to finish the adoption of Ethan that I watched the girls and kept a close eye on them, thinking about what child would suit our family.  My heart was pulling that way without me really even realizing it.  I watched them interact and I started to yearn.  And all of this started taking place within a couple of days of visiting the orphanage.  I would sit back and wait for the girls to come to me.  I started to be pulled by one in particular and finally within days of spending time with her, my heart yearned for her to be my daughter.  As you all know by now, her name is Masha.  A sweet, beautiful, shy girl who has the most beautiful smile.  Loves hugs and just spending time with us.  We were not able to spend a lot of time with her but we took advantange of all we could.  And she would light up (so would I) once we were able to see her...mostly when she came back to the orphanage from school.

While Dave and I began talking about a third child. A daughter in fact.  Ethan began hinting about a sister.  It is so ironic that Justin hinted about Ethan and now Ethan is hinting about a sister, specifically Masha.  We would smile and not really answer him at this point because the trip was to be about him but we began to really consider the possibilities.  It was finally confirmed that this was meant to be when Masha made her intentions known.

 A couple of days before I was to come home, Masha talked to the head staff and stated that she wanted to be adopted by us.  The worker discussed it with us.  And we made it known that we would be willing to start the process.  On my last day to the orphange, Masha shared with us her new name.  Isabella Masha Anderson.  I gave her a big hug and told her I loved her.  In my eyes, I had a daughter at that moment.
Dave was blessed to spend 3 more weeks with her and get to know her a bit more.  He says that she has a sweet giggle.  She loves art.  Doesn't like spicy foods (not even Ketchup).  She thrived on pleasing him.   Not that she needed to do that but she would take Ethan's English lesson and repeat it as well.
And so we begin the process again towards our FINALE. Our third adoption.  Dave and I are ready to begin our next chapter of family life.  Just being parents raising our children (3 teenagers by next year - YIKES).  Adoption isn't easy and it isn't something that we take lightly but it is for the kids that we do all of this.  They deserve nothing less than a happy and healthy family.  God has blessed us and we are forever grateful.

My heart wants what my heart wants.  I am blessed with 2 wonderful boys that love and challenge me.  They are different from night and day.  One that reminds me of me (minus the sports because I was born with 2 left feet) and one that reminds me so much of Dave it's not funny (easy going and just plain GOOFY).  And soon a daughter that we will get to know and see her blossom just as the boys are, so that her real personality comes out and she can thrive.  Adoption isn't easy as I said, it is a sacrifice that is worth everything.  Money doesn't matter.  As we know it comes and goes but the most precious things are worth every dime.  We sacrifice for those things that we desire the most.  For Dave and me, it is a family.  A family that we can pass our values down to.  Enjoy and cherish our time together.  And finally see them grow families of their own.  I may not have been given a baby of my own but I look forward to the time when my children bless me with grandbabies.  LOTS I hope.

I can't ask for more.  I am blessed beyond measure.  And long for the day when all 3 of our kids are home safe and secure with us.  Challenges will continue but we will be TOGETHER.

###

Dave sez, there is no obligation, but if you would like to be part of our journey, click here. 

The Twelvfth of Ten.

Hi! We're Cathy and Dave. Thanks for stopping by and getting to know us better and following our never-ending adoption journey. We are Justin and Ethan's mom and dad. We are also planning to be Masha's mom and dad, too. We're not sure how soon that's going to be, but we hope that she will be able to celebrate her next birthday, in April, here at home with all the rest of us!

Tomorrow is Justin's 12th birthday. It is our third birthday together, with him, as a family. We were first connected with Justin in January of 2011. We only had a week together, but we bonded instantly. We were blessed with an opportunity to have him visit again in August of 2011. We were able to pick him up from the airport on his birthday. His golden birthday. He turned ten on August 10th, 2011. We spent a lot of time getting ready for his visit. We asked him his favorite color. He told us yellow. We painted the walls of his room yellow. And, when I say "we" I mean Cathy. I'm not very handy or mechanical, so I left painting the carpet yellow to her. We bought him a bike to surprise him when he came home with us.

The one thing that we were nervous about, was, would he be as excited to see us as we were to see him. Did he miss us? Were the phone calls enough to keep his spirits up and let him know that we loved him and that this visit was just a little slice of what the rest of our lives would be like. I know I was nervous, but Cathy was incredibly anxious and nervous. This was a big, BIG, B-I-G day!

And we all know how that turned out. He ran right to his Mama.

As much as I try to be equal with my boys, and love them just the same, I love Ethan and Justin differently.

I went to camp with the boys a few weeks back. I wanted to spend time with the two of them. It was First Summer Camp, and I wanted to be part of that. if any thing came up, I wanted to be there for that. It was a faith camp.That was important for Cathy and I - every thing that both Justin and Ethan have been through, that they come to understand that no matter where they are, no matter what they do, no matter happens, they are never alone. That can make all the difference.

Toward the end of camp, the Youth Pastor asked all the kids to line up. He had a number of questions to ask the kids. "Yes" was a step forward. "No" was a step backward. One question caught my attention. "Has anyone ever told you that you helped them see God." Ethan didn't really understand the question. Not only is he working to understand English, but he's trying to grasp concepts as well. He wasn't sure what to do. Step forward or back. Justin took a step backward.

Afterward, I pulled him aside. That wasn't easy, with Ethan, their cousin Matthew, and their friends all around. But I wanted to catch him right while it was still fresh and he still remembered. I told him that he wasn't just my New Year's resolution, but he was the answer to Cathy's and my prayers. Justin helped me see that God loves me and hears me.

Justin introduced Cathy and me to Ethan; and Ethan introduced us to Masha.

I wonder how much Masha misses us. If she misses Cathy and me as much as we miss her. Justin said that he missed us every day until he came home. He told us that hearing our voices on the phone cheered him up and reminded him that we hadn't forgotten about him. I hope Masha doesn't think that. Cathy has pictures of her every where. I have her picture on my desk and a picture in my wallet.

Still, as much as a phone call is going to cheer us all up, I can't wait to bring Masha home.

  

A Home For Masha 1st Shoutout!

 

 If you would like to join us on our final journey to bring Masha home, click here.

A Home For Masha

Hi, we're Cathy and Dave. Our adoption journey began a few years ago when we brought our son Justin home from Ukraine. He was the answer to our prayers. While we were there, he put his arm on the shoulder of another boy, and introduced him to us.

"This is Ethan, my brother!"

We got to know Ethan, and came to love him as much as we love Justin.

When we returned to Ukraine to bring Ethan home, he introduced us to a young lady.

His question to us was, "Masha. Sister?"

 

No one said it would be easy growing our family and we never expected it would be. We never set out to adopt a specific number of children. We simply asked to grow our family and have children. God has answered the prayer in steps. At times while planning our second trip to Kiev, Dave and I thought we may be done but we never quite shut that door completely.

The heart knows what the heart wants all in due time.

I look back almost 9 years ago, our first plans were to adopt a girl from China and then from Vietnam. We had even chosen her name...Emma Grace. Unfortunately that didn't work out but I don't think we evergave up on the idea of having a girl.

I thought being blessed with just boys was enough. I wasn't disappointed. The desire to have a girl was pushed to the back of my mind.

Dave and I began talking about a third child. A daughter. Ethan began hinting about a sister. Justin hinted about Ethan and now Ethan was hinting about a sister. We would smile and not really answer.

A couple of days before I was to come home, Masha told the orphanage manager that she didn't want to be adopted by anyone else but us. She had even picked her new name. Isabella Masha

Dave was blessed to spend three more weeks with her while getting Ethan ready to come home. He says she has a sweet giggle. She loves art. Doesn't like spicy foods - not even ketchup. She would take Ethan's English lesson and work on it herself.

And so we begin the process again towards our FINALE. Our third adoption. Dave and I are ready to begin our next chapter of family life. Just being parents raising our children - three teenagers by next year! Adoption isn't easy and it isn't something that we take lightly but it is for the kids that we do all of this. They deserve nothing less than a happy and healthy family. God has blessed us and we are forever grateful.

My heart wants what my heart wants. I am blessed with two wonderful boys that love and challenge me. And soon a daughter that we will get to know and see her blossom just as the boys have. Adoption isn't easy as I said, it is a sacrifice that is worth everything.

We sacrifice for those things that we desire the most. For Dave and me, it is a family. A family that we can pass our values down to. Enjoy and cherish our time together. And finally see them grow families of their own.

I can't ask for more. I am blessed beyond measure. I long for the day when all three of our kids are home safe and secure with us. Challenges will continue but we will be TOGETHER.

  

 

If you would like to join us on our final adoption journey, to bring Masha home, you can here.

...And We Are Back

Hi! We are Cathy and Dave. We've been on an amazing journey to become parents. It took us nearly seven years; but we brought our first son, Justin, home in October of 2011. Last December, we brought Ethan home as Justin's brother. Our goal is to go back one final time, to bring home our daughter, Masha.

Dave sez, I hadn't really planned to take time away from keeping up and updating our 'blog. It's been kind of an unplanned hiatus. If you're a parent, maybe you can easily understand what it's like. The passed seven months, with both boys, have been busy. Our journey shifted from the "wanting" to the "having". Cathy and I had spent so much time together, just the two of us, that once Ethan came home, I felt that, having the two boys meant spending my time with them. Doing things with them. Making memories with them. I looked back on when I was growing up: my own Dad and Mom worked long hours. They worked, then came home and did things around the house. We didn't spend a whole lot of social, family time together. So, when I got to be a teenager, and I had friends, I spent time with my friends doing fun things. When I thought of spending time with my parents, the word "fun" never came to mind. In a lot of ways, Justin and Ethan are very different from me; but, when we spend time together, I want them to look back and remember it as being fun. Fun. Enjoyable.

So, I haven't had a whole lot of personal free time away from the boys. Justin's schedule for school was pretty early. He had to get up early to catch a 6:35 bus to school. Ethan had Justin's old bus routine, where he caught an 8:10 bus. After putting him on the bus, I dropped Cathy of, and then headed in to work. There's not a whole lot to do outside in the winter. Maybe sledding and tubing. Every day, the boys would ask if they could play basketball; or ride Justin's bike; or play soccer; or go on the trampoline. When Justin first came home, we enjoyed a really mild winter. It was cold, but we didn't get very much snow until March; winter's last gasp. Justin probably figured it would be the same again this past winter. Funny, not so much. There wasn't a whole lot of time spent outside. Beyond shoveling, Ethan got bored with sledding and came back inside to play video games.

We're all glad that the seasons have finally changed so that the boys can go play basketball, ride bikes, go on the trampoline.

But, I'm starting to feel like a drained battery. I'm feeling more and more the need to plug-in to recharge.

Cathy and I have gone from staring at each other, to running to karate three nights a week and family movie time. Bedtimes that start at nine at night and drag on for a half an hour. Basketball, baseball, football and trampoline. going out into the back field, or down the street, for soccer. Ethan wears out quickly, runs out of steam, gets bored and wants to go back inside to watch a movie or play video games. Justin just goes like he is a solar battery. The three of us have to find a common ground so that Ethan gets enough activity; and, there is some way to reign in Justin's dynamo spirit.

There are moments when I envy Cathy, that she can opt out. But this is what I wanted.

Let me be honest. It was a huge change for me to make the commitment to being a dad. Cathy scared me when we first got married, because she wanted to have my children. She was excited about it. I was barely mature enough to be responsible for myself. I was glad that she was adult. She could be responsible enough for both of us. So, I put off having kids by telling her that once we had kids we would being doing things for them, and not the things we wanted to do. The plans that we made, the trips that we took would be for our kids, not the trips we wanted to take for ourselves. Yes, I was very selfish. But I figured if we did the things we wanted to do, then I would be ready to do things with my kids. Funny thing is, we didn't make any grand plans for ourselves. The best plans Cathy and I have ever made included a chance meeting with Aang and Spongebob and Patrick at Nickelodeon Universe. The coolest thing in the world is seeing the expression on Justin's and Ethan's faces at how excited I was to have my picture taken with these characters that they like.

They wanted to go on the log flume ride. So, Cathy and I told them we would meet them at the exit. Well, it turns out they couldn't ride without an adult. so they came back out the entrance to the ride and started looking for us. We were not too far away, waiting for them at the exit. In the crowd, Justin had to look for us. I imagine it was the same thing he did in Kiev, in Independence Square. There's all these people going back and forth to work.There's the McDonald's, and all the street vendors and kiosks. It's crowded and disorienting. That's the square. There's a busy two-level shopping mall right underneath the square. Outside the upper level of the shopping mall is the subway. There's shops and vendors there as well. The escalator ride down to the train platform is two minutes long. When you are always looking up at the world, it can be a very big and frightening place. When they finally found us at the ride exit, Justin hugged Cathy tight. I saw tears at the corner of his eye.  Cathy told me her shoulder was drenched after he hugged her. This was near the end of a day where we were all tired and irritable and cranky with one another.

He told his mother that he wasn't ready to say goodbye to us yet.

October 23rd marks our second anniversary with Justin coming home for good. December 7th marks Ethan's first anniversary.

They are exhausting, high-maintenance boys.

And they're all ours.

  

The One About The Busy Lifestyle

Wednesday, March 6th, 2013, 7:59am

Dave sez,

If you're a parent, then you already know the lesson that Cathy and I are learning. You're always on and you'll get to sleep when your dead.

We enjoy spending our time like most parents do, running from one thing to the next. Justin has karate Tuesday and Friday nights, Thursday afternoons and Saturday mornings. He just had a tournament in Bloomington that he did very well at. This week he started indoor soccer at school. He's been bugging about dropping karate for soccer. For the last year, Justin has been asking, begging, pleading and nagging about soccer. It doesn't help that we live near a soccer field, or that he has a collection of at least a dozen soccer balls. We got him a Eurocup 2012 ball before we came home together. Since then, Cathy has been tracking down signature soccer balls from players like Christian Renaldo on Team Madrid. We've been trying to find a way to balance karate and soccer. Hopefully, indoor soccer a couple days a week at school will hold him until we can get him in a league.

Maybe you saw some of the pictures from our photo shoot. Week before last we went over to Essex Park, near the house with Tessa Leen and had some pictures taken. It was amazing to see the boys show off their personalities. There were a few things that Tessa asked us to do, but for the most part she just asked the boys to stand still long enough to capture them on camera. Being around Justin as long as we have been, we're pretty much kinda used to his signature poses, moves and smiles. We're getting used to seeing what Ethan comes up with. he has the signature "Thinker" and John Belushi one eyebrow raised move. He likes to do the goofy tongue wag move. That move kinda drives both Cathy and me crazy. All of a sudden, he break out that goofy face. Cathy will tell him to stop. I'll tell him to keep his tongue in his head.

What we're noticing is that Ethan has a few survival instincts that he needs to let go of. He really is like Jan Brady. He is constantly comparing with Justin. What we're trying to help him understand is that Justin has been home for a little over twelve months, and Ethan has been home only a few weeks. Tomorrow, March 7th, will mark three months since Ethan cam home to us for good. Ethan believes in entitlement. He doesn't ask, he announces what he is going to do next. It starts with the big bathroom announcement. "Me go bathroom!" I tell him every time that he doesn't need to release doves, roll out a red carpet and throw down rose petals. When my dad would excuse himself, Mom would always kid him that if he was gone "too long" she would send out a search party.

The next announcement is, "Me go play Wii!" Um, no, what you're looking for is "May I go play Wii?" Sentences that are questions begin with the words "May I".

Probably the funniest thing Ethan will do is when he is asking to play the PSP or DS, he will struggle with the words and outline the shape of the game with his fingers.

We've caught him speaking clearer English around other people when he didn't think we were watching. That did not go over well. Neither does his tattling on Justin.


Now, I believe that whistle-blowers should not be punished for revealing the truth. But there is a difference between uncovering something wrong and finger-pointing and assigning blame. We all do it.

When Mom and Dad tell you to do something, the acceptable response is, "Yes ma'am" or "Yes sir", not an entire monologue. Taking your plate to the sink is not an opportunity for debate. Garbage like gum wrappers go in the garbage can. Before putting your clothes in the laundry, empty your pockets. Unless it's money. No one wants to hear, "Justin, Justin, Justin!" Thanks for your help, but Mom and Dad see all and know all. We even know what you are thinking.

Justin's showed us a great deal of maturity and responsibility in the time that we've known him. Ethan has shown us that he believes he can skate and slide by just by flashing a sweet, toothy grin. He's become more of a challenge than Justin was. We could see that Justin was angry, and slowly that anger slipped away. We're trying to keep Ethan from developing into an arch-villain. We're trying to encourage cooperation and build teamwork, rather than competition. We're seeing that Ethan is very competitive with Justin.

The most important lesson we're revisiting with Ethan, that we still work with Justin every day on, is unconditional love. Love isn't earned, like privileges. Bad behavior doesn't take it away; good behavior doesn't make you a favorite or special or better. Love is an equalizer.

Really, when it's all said and done, time is love.