FIRST, Real Birthday

Dave sez,

Hi! We're Cathy and Dave. Thanks for taking the time to get to know us and be part of our adventure with Justin and journey to bring Ethan (nee Shani) home. Did you know that, of the total number of boys and girls that need forever, Ukraine has the largest population - near 150,000. So many starfish...

I found this story, from The Daily Mail, yesterday ~

Parents today are giving in to their children's demand for presents whenever they ask for them. The 'Generation Give-In' style of parenting has been embraced by moms and dads who feel guilty for working long hours and don't want their children to be bullied at school for not having the latest 'must-have' item. A new study found that this leads to parents spending an average $750 a year on presents for their kids. Rather than waiting until their son or daughter has 'earned' the privilege of being treated to something new, six in ten parents admit they buy their children the latest trends and collectables as soon as they ask for them. 17% said they didn't want to disappoint their children when they are under peer pressure at school to have the best of everything.

I was raised to look at my birthday less like Christmas and more like Thanksgiving. Dad grew up during the Depression. He grew up with very little. There were times when food was taken away from him and given to working adults. Materialism wasn't a big deal for him. Like most of us, he learned that things and stuff came from either blessings or hard work. And, like most of us he spent his whole life on the hard work.

What I'm trying to pass on to Justin is a bond that he and I will always have. He's my boy. I'm his popi, his dadji, as he calls me now. I will always be there for him. That's stronger than things or stuff.

My dad didn't know what to do with kids. That's not meant as judgement or condemnation or self-pity. It's just the way he was. He worked. When he wasn't working it was usually dinner time. After dinner time he was sleeping. My sister Paula taught me how to fly. I learned my love of baseball from my older brothers Matt and Tim.

The last few years of his life, he introduced himself as my dad. He started conversations by asking people what radio station they listened to. Then he told them where I worked and what I did. He encouraged people to listen.

My son, Justin, wants to DO things with us. Trampoline. Baseball. Basketball. Soccer. Whatever we do, wherever we go, he wants it to be together. A shared experience.

He can not jump high on the trampoline unless I bounce him higher. I love our Trampoline Confessions. He told me that he is trying to listen more. "I'm listening more - I dunno why - but I'm trying!"

I told him that I never had a trampoline growing up. I didn't play much basketball or baseball or soccer or throw a football. I tell him that a lot of the things we're doing I haven't done before he came along.

"I bring you fun?"

Yes. Yes you do.

Yesterday I counted my blessings. It was Justin's FIRST, real birthday. Last year he had only just heard about my birthday. We went out to Buffalo Wild Wings. I ordered a beer without thinking about it. He pushed his Sprite away and put his head down on the table and wouldn't talk any more. Cathy told me to take him away from the table and the beer, up front and talk to him. I did. I was nervous and scared, because it was the first time I had to do anything like that. I kept it simple. I asked him what was wrong. Nothing. I asked if it was the beer. He nodded. "Alcohol makes people do bad things." Can I get an "amen"? I told him I wouldn't have the beer. I wouldn't have any thing that would come between us. We ate. We went home and called the interpreter. While we were all taking turns on the phone translating all of this, my son came over to me and said, "Popi - look: One beer, fine - two beer fine - three beer - NO!", and he waved his arms like he was calling safe at home. Now, when we go out, he gives me permission! And I say, "Yes, sir!"

I'm hoping that by Thanksgiving I have one more blessing to add to my list.

His name is Ethan. He's my next son. He was Justin's cousin. They'll be brothers. That's a bond that can not be broken.