Ethan (center) with Justin on his back along with Megan, Matthew and Alicia
Dave sez,
Hi! We're Cathy and Dave, thanks for dropping by. This is the ongoing story of how we are building our family through adoption. Right now, we're just waiting to bring our daughter Masha home to join her brothers, Justin and Ethan.
We're very close to the end of Ethan's first year home. His "anniversary" is coming up December 7th. This was his First Thanksgiving.
There's a family tradition that we enjoy with my brother-in-law (Cathy's brother) Keith, our sister-in-law, Lyn and the kids. Before we eat, before we ask the blessing on Thanksgiving, we go around the table and tell each other what we are thankful for. This year it was enjoyable going 'round the table and hearing what all the kids had to say. Megan was first and this year she is thankful that she can tell all her friends that she finally has cousins! Ha! We all got a kick out of that. When Ethan's turn came up...
Ready for the Zombie Apocalypse, but...
Normally, Ethan is pretty loud, and boisterous. He talks big..and loud. He sings loud. He laughs loud. Have I mentioned that my boy Ethan is loud? Well, this usually very loud boy, said very softly and quietly that he was thankful for his Mom and Dad.
I can only imagine that Cathy was as proud as I.
I wish I could say that Ethan was less of a challenge; that he was more easy-going than Justin.
Fear is a pretty powerful thing.
One thing that has stuck with me from our training is that even small children, infants, can be imprinted on a cellular level with abandonment. I think Ethan loves and craves attention. Our boys express themselves differently. Ethan doesn't seem as confident and bold as Justin. he seems to need a little bit of encouragement and coaxing. With his lack of confidence and esteem, he's a bit forgetful.
Ethan's first year has been just like Justin's first year. getting used to a new routine. Bonding. building a bridge of trust that goes both ways. Changing course and steering a new direction.
Replacing fear, that comes out as anger, with love.
"...We can rebuild him. We have the technology...Better! Stronger! Faster!"
I have a confession. Well, actually, I have a couple of confessions. First, I'm not a big fan of Halloween. The faith that my parents handed down to me was that I didn't go Trick-or-Treating as a kid. I don't dislike or hate Halloween, I just never developed an affection for it. As a comic book geek, I think comic book character cos-playing (shorthand for costume playing) is interesting to the point where there is an actual online World Super-Hero Registry. You can click the link and find the super-hero nearest you. We have our very own "urban legend" super-hero, called Geist. Part of me thinks that kinda pretty cool. Up to the point that reality sinks in, and the realization hits me that a super-hero is basically a vigilante; a person that takes the law into his or her own hands. Then there's the danger factor. Unless you have a huge amount of disposable income to spend on Kevlar and body armor, you're basically out on the street risking a smack-down beating or worse. I have a low thresh-hold of pain, so, I would basically end up as a Red Shirt. The basic problem that I have at this time of year is the same problem we all face. The glut of merchandising around Halloween, Christmas and to a lesser extant New Year's Eve. There's fewer merchandising opportunities for Thanksgiving, what with it being about sitting with family around the table eating as much as humanly possible - to the point of spontaneous human combustion.
But this year was Ethan's First Halloween, and our first opportunity to go trick-or-treating with both boys. We were kinda rushed with getting Justin enrolled in school when he first came home two years ago, so we skipped Halloween. Last year, Cathy and I were bringing Ethan home, so we were blessed with friends that stepped in and took him trick-or-treating. Last year, my sister gifted Justin with an Aang costume so he could go as Avatar: The Last Airbender. Over the last year, Justin has developed a boy-crush on the tragic and troubled Anakin Skywalker and his alter-ego Darth Vader. So, he went as Darth Justin and his older brother went as Obi-Wan Ethan from the Star Wars: The Clone Wars series.
I won't spoil their fun by telling them that there is no possible way that Star Wars: The Original Trilogy Darth Vader and Star Wars: The Clone Wars Obi-Wan Kenobi could co-exist in the same space and time. I won't tell my boys that by the time Anakin Skywalker has prosthetic legs, arm and body armor as Darth Vader, Obi-Wan Kenobi had gone into hiding on Tatooine. Even though, both had the power of The Force they chose to ignore each others very existence for close to twenty years. Apparently, The Force only works at close range. So, a picture of Darth Vader standing with his lightsaber at the ready next to Obi-Wan Kenobi with his lightsaber at the ready is completely and totally improbable, not just simply impossible. I'll probably wait until the boys are older, and probably dating or about ready to get married when I hit them with that revelation. Anything else would be too Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory.
Even though I'm not a huge fan of Halloween, it was nice to spend time with other parents in the neighborhood, and seeing a sense of community. In one cul-de-sac, we found neighbors had lit a fire pit. Another neighbor across from them had brought the candy bowl outside and set it on a table next to a grill that was fired and grilling hotdogs. Candy for the kids and hotdogs with chips for the parents. That was a nice touch.
The other confession I have is that I have probably been wearing rose-colored glasses for the past couple years. Expecting that because we waited so long to be connected with our kids, that we would have a "happily ever after". That everything would be The Brady Bunch, or worse yet, idyllically perfect. That all the anger and pain and hurt of rejection and abandonment that both Justin and Ethan have gone through would just evaporate with a hug. That's not true. There have been fewer posts on Ethan, because we are all struggling and wrestling with the challenges that he faces. Underneath his sweet, smiling face is a boy that has never been given one-on-one attention, focus or direction. It has been a challenge for Cathy and me, and for his teacher in the Newcomers Program at school to manage him and get him to settle down. We've had a tremendous amount of help from his teacher, the same teacher that Justin had, because Ethan is not the only student she has that is adjusting to new things and new surroundings. Cathy and I knew that Ethan and Justin were different. More and more we are finding out just how different they are. Ethan needs twice as much attention, focus and love than Justin needs. Justin needs a lot of love to counteract the anger and hurt that is pent up inside due to the betrayal he feels. Ethan needs to be focused and directed.
We have our good days. And then we have days where the wheels completely come off. Sometimes, one of us, or, all of us have a bad day. We have our equal share of good days and bad days. Some days the peaks are very high. Some days the valleys are very low. Some days it feels like carrying a rock on our shoulders up hill through a blizzard.
I try to remember what Tom Hanks said about baseball in A League of Their Own. What he said about baseball doesn't just apply to baseball. It's a principle that can be applied to just about anything. The line was something like, baseball's not easy. "If it wasn't hard every one would do it."
Hi! We're Cathy and Dave. This is the continuing story of our adventures
with our two boys, Justin and Ethan, and our journey to bring our daughter
Masha home. Thank you so much for joining us and following our journey. Thank
you so much for your support and continuing encouragement. Thank you, even more, for allowing to share with you our ups and downs our successes and failures. We have been blessed so much with more peaks than valleys. More high points to celebrate and cheer! Like now!
We have reached a milestone! It is now two years that our boy Justin has
been home! "Hurrah"!
We enjoy holidays and birthdays together. One important milestone is when
Cathy and I were first connected with Justin. We are so grateful, that after
waiting so long for our prayers to be answered - when we had nearly lost hope -
Justin found us. He had a little help. As we were agonizing, and I was
struggling with whether or not to post a status that I wanted to
be a dad in 2011, some very good friends of ours got to spend time with him and
see the situation he was in. He was visiting on a three week hosting program.
He had a family that wanted him. But God had other plans. I will never forget
first hearing about Justin. More importantly, our friends knew that we would be
right together. So much so, that they vouched for us and recommended that we
spend time together to get to know each other. I just happened to have a week
of vacation. Everything started to fall into place. Our first week together was
incredible. Cathy and I were scared and we weren't sure just exactly what we
were getting ourselves into - but, then, what parent does? We weren't sure after waiting and praying and hoping that we could spend time with him and then be able to let him go. But it turned out, that after all the time waiting, we only had to go another nine months and we would finally be a family! I would realize my desire to be a dad. My son would come home.
We got to know him more while we were over in Kiev bringing him home. Justin is hooked on Avatar: The Last Airbender! As much as I like Batman and comic books, that's how much he loves Aang and Avatar: The Last Airbender. He loves SpongeBob and Power Rangers. He's a big fan of Anime. His favorite movie is the updated Karate Kid. Not surprising, he's a fan of the Rocky movies. Not surprising either, he loves wrestling, karate, soccer and just about any sport. He's a natural. He's picked up basketball, baseball and football, pretty easily. Skateboarding and rollerblading...not so much. We were working on a math assignment that we both learned something from. The assignment was to show that he had a grasp of integers. He had a choice between writing a rap song, or drawing a cartoon strip showing that he had a grasp of how integers worked. So we looked at the assignment and he asked if I would help him draw a comic. That's what he asked me to help him do. He wanted my help to draw a comic. So, we talked about it and I asked him what he thought of the idea of creating a hero called Integer Man to (wait for it) "solve the problem". I mean, come on, this is my wheelhouse! So, we're working on the assignment together, and we struggled over "sequential art". Justin did not know how to lay out his panels for the assignment. He was going to scatter them all over the page. I explained to him that people read left to right, top to bottom. His first panel had to be in the top left and the story would have to move across the page to the final panel in the bottom right of the page. We struggled over this because he's not that much of a reader beyond having to read the Harry Potter and Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. He's a fan of the Star Wars prequel trilogy, and Anakin Skywalker...so that may get him reading more, even if it is science fiction. I think I'm pretty okay with that...even though I'm not a big fan of the prequel trilogy...
We've agreed to disagree on the Star Wars prequel trilogy...and Jar Jar Binks.
Justin is working very hard to adjust to regular Seventh Grade. It's not an easy adjustment. Things were simpler and easier in the Newcomers Program. He makes friends pretty easily. He's very likable and he has charm and charisma. As brave and tough as he acts, I spent nearly the first full year that he was home with us sleeping in his room so that he would get a good night's sleep. Take my word for it, that when Justin's brother Ethan came home, I was so glad to be able to sleep in my own bed again! One of the things Cathy and I are finding is that he. Always. Has. To. Be. Right. Inside voices get thrown out the window when that comes into question. Cathy has worked in accounting for over two decades. Math is my worst subject. I've never won a money argument with her. It's almost funny watching the two of them turn purple over Justin's Math homework! He's struggling mightily to get a handle on it. When he gets frustrated he gets impatient and he turns into a little firecracker.
But, he's got a great sense of humor. He loves to laugh and play and have fun. He's helping Cathy and me lighten up and loosen up and not take things so seriously...Okay, we're working on that. It's a work in progress...
Justin has been an incredible blessing. Every day has been an adventure to treasure and enjoy. Cathy and I are grateful for him; and because of him, we have Ethan. And, because he introduced us to Ethan, honorable second son introduced us to our little girl, Masha.
We're just counting down to her first day home with her two brothers. Just like when we counted down to Justin's first day home, two years ago. It's been an incredible two years with our boy! It's a pretty special day.
When Cathy and I were connected with Justin, I knew it was answered prayer. I knew it. I had committed. Cathy already was. I finally came on board, and I committed to that desire and I said, "I want to be a dad." More importantly, I asked for a child. I wasn't really sure what I was asking for really, since we had been through a number of different programs over the years. Most of the programs we had been in were for infants and newborns. That's where we wanted to start: at the beginning. One program at the longest had a waiting time of four years for a newborn. We were just one couple among at least eighty or more couples. We explored the county's foster-to-adopt program; we explored international adoption from China and Vietnam. In every program, Cathy and I kept coming to one child. So, when we heard that there was this boy, Georgiy, who was looking for his forever family...
I thought, Cool! That was it! We're done! Mission accomplished! Splash down! Ticker tape parade! Movin' on.
You have to remember, I wanted - and want - to be a dad. I committed. I said I wanted to become a dad.
Now, we can get all semantical - which is where I've been for a while now - I didn't specify my request. Maybe I should have.
I said I wanted to be a dad. I didn't specify how many kids I wanted to be a dad to.
The question I've come to - the question I've had to answer is: How open am I?
I'd reached a point where I'd given up hope and I was ready to give up on the idea of being a dad. I was looking for different ways to define myself, different accomplishments...different mountains to climb.
And then, Georgiy found me. Yeah, he found both Cathy and me. He found us both.
But he found me. He introduced Cathy and me to his brother, Shani. Who introduced us to Mahsa.
There's a story in the bible about talents, pounds and minas.
Now, since we believe that there is a God in heaven directing our journey...a Master Potter...then, How open am I? I don't think we've been saddled or dealt a bad hand. Of course I'm excited and challenged.
Boys are easy. Girls...not so much. I know the boys challenge Cathy. I get them. I was a boy. I know where they get the stuff they come up with.
I think being Masha's dad is going to be more of a challenge than being Ethan and Justin's. The boys and I will always have soccer and basketball.
The only way to know if we're ready for it, is to jump right in. I'm ready.
Hi! We're Cathy and Dave. Thank you for taking the time to get to know us better and follow along on our adoption journey and our adventure as new parents. We have two boys. Ethan is twelve going on thirteen - his birthday is coming up September 8th. Justin just turned twelve August 10th.
Justin was our first. Our miracle. The answer to our prayers. He introduced us to Ethan. Ethan introduced us to Masha. We're in the process of bringing Masha home.
This is what Cathy has to say about that:
The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants
As we walk through the journey that began more than 2 years ago with
Justin, many have asked why we are adopting again and how can we afford
it. No one said it would be easy growing our family and we never
expected it would be. We never set up to adopt a specific number of
children. We simply asked to grow our family and have children. God
has answered the prayer in steps. And those answers came through our
children...
Justin was our miracle and through him we met miracle number two,
Ethan. At times while planning our second trip to Kiev, Dave and I
thought we may be done but we never quite shut that door completely.
The heart knows what the heart wants all in due time...
I look back almost 9 years ago, our first plans were to adopt a girl
from China and then from Vietnam. We had even chosen her name...Emma
Grace. Unfortunately that didn't work out but I don't think we ever
deleted our thoughts of having a girl. We just weren't sure how it
would come about or if it really would. All in due time.
When we adopted Justin, my thoughts were it is okay to have boys as I
am not one to primp on clothing, jewelry, makeup and buy frilly
things. Those were my thoughts because I thought maybe we were being
blessed with just boys. I wasn't disappointed but being realistic. So
my desire for a girl was pushed to the back of my thoughts but never
really gone.
So it was no real surprise when we traveled over to Kiev to finish
the adoption of Ethan that I watched the girls and kept a close eye on
them, thinking about what child would suit our family. My heart was
pulling that way without me really even realizing it. I watched them
interact and I started to yearn. And all of this started taking place
within a couple of days of visiting the orphanage. I would sit back and
wait for the girls to come to me. I started to be pulled by one in
particular and finally within days of spending time with her, my heart
yearned for her to be my daughter. As you all know by now, her name is
Masha. A sweet, beautiful, shy girl who has the most beautiful smile.
Loves hugs and just spending time with us. We were not able to spend a
lot of time with her but we took advantange of all we could. And she
would light up (so would I) once we were able to see her...mostly when
she came back to the orphanage from school.
While Dave and I began talking about a third child. A daughter in
fact. Ethan began hinting about a sister. It is so ironic that Justin
hinted about Ethan and now Ethan is hinting about a sister, specifically
Masha. We would smile and not really answer him at this point because
the trip was to be about him but we began to really consider the
possibilities. It was finally confirmed that this was meant to be when
Masha made her intentions known.
A couple of days before I was to come home, Masha talked to the head
staff and stated that she wanted to be adopted by us. The worker
discussed it with us. And we made it known that we would be willing to
start the process. On my last day to the orphange, Masha shared with us
her new name. Isabella Masha Anderson. I gave her a big hug and told
her I loved her. In my eyes, I had a daughter at that moment.
Dave was blessed to spend 3 more weeks with her and get to know her a
bit more. He says that she has a sweet giggle. She loves art.
Doesn't like spicy foods (not even Ketchup). She thrived on pleasing
him. Not that she needed to do that but she would take Ethan's English
lesson and repeat it as well.
And so we begin the process again towards our FINALE. Our third
adoption. Dave and I are ready to begin our next chapter of family
life. Just being parents raising our children (3 teenagers by next year
- YIKES). Adoption isn't easy and it isn't something that we take
lightly but it is for the kids that we do all of this. They deserve
nothing less than a happy and healthy family. God has blessed us and we
are forever grateful.
My heart wants what my heart wants. I am blessed with 2 wonderful
boys that love and challenge me. They are different from night and
day. One that reminds me of me (minus the sports because I was born
with 2 left feet) and one that reminds me so much of Dave it's not
funny (easy going and just plain GOOFY). And soon a daughter that we
will get to know and see her blossom just as the boys are, so that her
real personality comes out and she can thrive. Adoption isn't easy as I
said, it is a sacrifice that is worth everything. Money doesn't
matter. As we know it comes and goes but the most precious things are
worth every dime. We sacrifice for those things that we desire the
most. For Dave and me, it is a family. A family that we can pass our
values down to. Enjoy and cherish our time together. And finally see
them grow families of their own. I may not have been given a baby of my
own but I look forward to the time when my children bless me with
grandbabies. LOTS I hope.
I can't ask for more. I am blessed beyond measure. And long for the
day when all 3 of our kids are home safe and secure with us.
Challenges will continue but we will be TOGETHER.
###
Dave sez, there is no obligation, but if you would like to be part of our journey, click here.
Hi! We're Cathy and Dave. Thanks for stopping by and getting to know us better and following our never-ending adoption journey. We are Justin and Ethan's mom and dad. We are also planning to be Masha's mom and dad, too. We're not sure how soon that's going to be, but we hope that she will be able to celebrate her next birthday, in April, here at home with all the rest of us!
Tomorrow is Justin's 12th birthday. It is our third birthday together, with him, as a family. We were first connected with Justin in January of 2011. We only had a week together, but we bonded instantly. We were blessed with an opportunity to have him visit again in August of 2011. We were able to pick him up from the airport on his birthday. His golden birthday. He turned ten on August 10th, 2011. We spent a lot of time getting ready for his visit. We asked him his favorite color. He told us yellow. We painted the walls of his room yellow. And, when I say "we" I mean Cathy. I'm not very handy or mechanical, so I left painting the carpet yellow to her. We bought him a bike to surprise him when he came home with us.
The one thing that we were nervous about, was, would he be as excited to see us as we were to see him. Did he miss us? Were the phone calls enough to keep his spirits up and let him know that we loved him and that this visit was just a little slice of what the rest of our lives would be like. I know I was nervous, but Cathy was incredibly anxious and nervous. This was a big, BIG, B-I-G day!
And we all know how that turned out. He ran right to his Mama.
As much as I try to be equal with my boys, and love them just the same, I love Ethan and Justin differently.
I went to camp with the boys a few weeks back. I wanted to spend time with the two of them. It was First Summer Camp, and I wanted to be part of that. if any thing came up, I wanted to be there for that. It was a faith camp.That was important for Cathy and I - every thing that both Justin and Ethan have been through, that they come to understand that no matter where they are, no matter what they do, no matter happens, they are never alone. That can make all the difference.
Toward the end of camp, the Youth Pastor asked all the kids to line up. He had a number of questions to ask the kids. "Yes" was a step forward. "No" was a step backward. One question caught my attention. "Has anyone ever told you that you helped them see God." Ethan didn't really understand the question. Not only is he working to understand English, but he's trying to grasp concepts as well. He wasn't sure what to do. Step forward or back. Justin took a step backward.
Afterward, I pulled him aside. That wasn't easy, with Ethan, their cousin Matthew, and their friends all around. But I wanted to catch him right while it was still fresh and he still remembered. I told him that he wasn't just my New Year's resolution, but he was the answer to Cathy's and my prayers. Justin helped me see that God loves me and hears me.
Justin introduced Cathy and me to Ethan; and Ethan introduced us to Masha.
I wonder how much Masha misses us. If she misses Cathy and me as much as we miss her. Justin said that he missed us every day until he came home. He told us that hearing our voices on the phone cheered him up and reminded him that we hadn't forgotten about him. I hope Masha doesn't think that. Cathy has pictures of her every where. I have her picture on my desk and a picture in my wallet.
Still, as much as a phone call is going to cheer us all up, I can't wait to bring Masha home.
