Thirty Days

First month!

Dave sez,

Today is Monday, June 30th, 2014. Bella has been home for a month now...

Bells and I flew out of Barispol Kiev, Friday, May 30th. It was the third time I'd left Kiev. The third time wasn't any easier than the first. As much as Cathy and I worked with Bells on her sentences and English, she wasn't that much different from Ethan and Justin. As far as we knew, she had never been outside of Kiev, or out of Ukraine. The airport was just as new and strange as her home was going to be. At five-thirty in the morning we sat in the airport. For the third time, I was nervous about the precious cargo I was bringing home with me.

Justin and I flew through Amsterdarn. Both Ethan and Bella flew back with me through Frankfurt. Passing through security, I handed Ethan's and my passports to one of the officers. The officer looked at the passports, then Ethan and I. The passports, then Ethan and I again. He motioned us to follow him into a small office where other officers were sitting around a desk. There was an officer sitting behind the desk. He talked with Ethan. I can only imagine that he was asking my son if he really wanted to go home with me. I stood there praying that he would answer, "Yes." As we found a seat and waited for our flight. There was an announcement that our flight to Frankfurt had been cancelled because of the runway conditions there. I must have looked especially nervous after talking to security, because a man sitting behind us turned around and told us that there was some mistake and that there would be another announcement any minute correcting the error. He was right. There was a mistake. There was another announcement. Our flight was still on.

Bells sat quietly with me as we waited for our flight. She kept up with me as we made our way through the airport in Frankfurt from Gate B to Gate Z. When Justin and I caught our connection in Amsterdarn, he and I disagreed over what movies he could and would watch on the long flight to the Twin Cities. Ten-year-old Justin wanted to watch a movie called The Hangover Part II. I was hoping that he would watch Green Lantern, or one of the animated features available on the flight. He and I argued and struggled for most of the flight, up until the final two hours. Ethan found a couple comedies and laughed loudly watching them. A man across the aisle from us kept looking over at me with a big grin on his face. With Bells, I watched a few episodes of The Big Bang Theory and, Saving Mr. Banks. She watched a couple movies, Saving Mr. Banks was one she started. Mostly, though, she slept on the flight.

Justin was a handful getting through Customs at MSP. Ethan and I had a short wait at Customs at O'Hare. When Bells and I made our way through O'Hare Customs it was a madhouse. I didn't sleep or nap on the flight. By the time we got to Chicago, I was beat. With each of the three kids I had a big gold envelope to hand off at Customs. All three times we ended up in a huge crowd together. With Bells, I pulled out the envelope and held it up like John Cusack in Say Anything. A sympathetic Customs agent directed me and Bella to the right gate. The officer at the gate directed us to another officer who escorted us to a waiting area. We waited for about fifteen or twenty minutes while the envelope was processed. From there we were directed to exit Gate 3. Which on a Friday afternoon at the end of May was closed. We made our way through the mob at Gate 1. Then there was another twenty minute wait for one of Chicago's Finest to come back from lunch and wade through a stack of packets including ours so we could make our connection. There was an officer covering the counter while he was gone. Multitasking. He was not happy. He made sure we all knew. Loudly. I'm pretty sure even the suburbs were glad when the officer came back from lunch to man his station. Our 3:35 flight boarded at a quarter after. Once we were through and racing to our gate we joined the crowd at 3:16.

When Bella and I got off our flight at MSP, her adventure was just beginning. She now had a family and two brothers to adjust to...

 

Stay tuned!

The One That Asks The Big Question

Dave sez, Who are you? What makes you you?

We got the final court decree today. Tomorrow we will start the process of getting Bella's new identification. We stood up before the judge and asked for permission to adopt her; permission to change her name, and permission to be named as her parents on her new birth certificate. As a regional court, that means that we have to travel to the Regional Office of Vital Records to begin the process. Once we are done there, then we will come back into Kiev and the City Office of Vital Records. There is a good deal of waiting involved in this part of the process. Once this is done, then, we can apply for her tax identification number (we know it in America as her Social Security number); and then her Ukrainian passport.

So, here we are in an apartment in Kiev; I am looking at all the cards in my wallet and my passport. I am looking at the images and numbers that make up who I am.

What I am learning, is who these three new individuals are. I am still learning who Ethan and Justin are becoming. That's the important part. Once you start a process like this, it really doesn't have an ending. This never reaches completion. It is always ongoing, developing. If you're a parent, too, you see this process just as we do. It is such a joy to see their personalities and character and quirks develop. It is also so much fun to be a part of shaping that. Working on homework assignments, playing games and just spending time together. Answering questions.

Learning who we are. Learning who we are to each other.

The only thing I can tell you is that something inspired me to hug Justin tight at the end of our first visit at the orphanage, when we came to bring him home, look him in the eye and tell him, "Never let you go. Never ever let you go." He said it back to me as "Nevuhlectahgo. Nevuhevuhletchahgo." I keep saying it to him; and to Ethan. And now to Bella.

¹ Lord, our Lord,
    how majestic is your name in all the earth!

You have set your glory
    in the heavens.
² Through the praise of children and infants
    you have established a stronghold against your enemies,
    to silence the foe and the avenger.
³ When I consider your heavens,
    the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
    which you have set in place,
⁴ what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
    human beings that you care for them?

⁵ You have made them a little lower than the angels
    and crowned them with glory and honor.
⁶ You made them rulers over the works of your hands;
    you put everything under their feet:
⁷ all flocks and herds,
    and the animals of the wild,
⁸ the birds in the sky,
    and the fish in the sea,
    all that swim the paths of the seas.

⁹ Lord, our Lord,
    how majestic is your name in all the earth!

 

Psalm 8

The One About The Lazy Sunday

Sunday, May the 4th, 2014

click on the image to see where I got it from

Dave sez, Today is a lazy Sunday. The unofficial "Star Wars" day. May the Fourth. As in, May the Fourth be with you. It always sounds like Obi-Wan or Luke have a lisp. Can you imagine Darth Vader lisping, "The Fourth is strong with this one,"? Maybe if it was Rick Moranis as Dark Helmet in Mel Brooks' Spaceballs, maybe...

Randy Travis turns 55 today. In the radio biz that I work in, that's known as turning double-nickels!

The late Audrey Hepburn would have turned 85. She's best known for melancholy roles like Sabrina with Humphrey Bogart and William Holden (brilliantly remade with Harrison Ford and Greg Kinnear, but I digress) Roman Holiday with Gregory Peck and Eddie Albert; My Fair Lady with Rex Harrison; and Breakfast at Tiffany's with The A-Team's Colonel John "Hannibal" Smith, the equally late, George Peppard.

Paul Xavier Gleason star of The Breakfast Club and Die Hard, just two of his many roles would have turned 75 (along with Batman, since they were both born in 1939!) His most famous line from The Breakfast Club ~

 

 

 

- and don't you forget it! The Lego Movie's Will Arnett, *NSYNC's Lance Bass and Pia Zadora are all adding another year today too.

 

Tomorrow, my sister and brother-in-law, Paula and John will be married for FORTY years.

 

They're lookin' pretty AWESOMETACULAR ain't they?

That is an achievement in this day and age. My folks married later in life and they were married 35 years when my dad passed away from prostate cancer in 2000. Mother's Day, 2000. That's coming up. On May 10th, my mom turns 81.

 

 

On Tuesday, Cathy and I will celebrate 24 years together. There's a Kiefer Sutherland, 24 joke in there somewhere, I'm sure.

 

Oh, yeah, anyway, we're just sitting around the apartment enjoying a quiet, lazy Sunday.

 

What's on my mind today, is I want you to imagine that you are five or six years old. The first people in the world you develop a relationship based on trust break that trust. For whatever reason - can't or don't - the people that made the conscious decision to bring you into the world have changed their minds. You are not theirs anymore. You are not any one's anymore. You're really no one. The people that define you, do not anymore.

 

On this lazy Sunday afternoon, I am very thankful that each one of my three children chose me. They chose me and Cathy. They each said to us and to a judge, I want them to be my parents. I want him to be my dad.

 

Cathy and I have talked from time to time about The Butterfly Effect. Basically, it is the idea that if a person could travel back in time and make a change - any change at all; like say, killing a butterfly, or in George Bailey's case in It's A Wonderful Life, erasing, or eliminating your own existence - profound changes take place. If Cathy and I had done any thing differently over the last twenty-four years, it is possible that we would not be blessed with Bella, Ethan or Justin.

 

On a lazy Sunday afternoon, I think how each one of the children were introduced to us. Justin introducing us to Ethan; and, in turn, Ethan introducing us to Bella.

 

I look back over the last twenty-four years. There are some things I would have wanted to go differently. But not so differently that we wouldn't be where we are right now.

 

      

 

That's for sure.

 

Forever Five

The Fourth will be with you, always.

The One About The Three Plates For Breakfast

So, this was breakfast Thursday morning...

Dave sez, I consider myself to be a God-fearing Christian. I believe that Jesus came and died for my sins. And it has taken me a long time to not worry or care what anyone else thinks of that. I still feel a little self-conscious, though. What this journey that Cathy and I are on has taught me is there are things that I have no control over. There are things that I am part of that are much bigger and grander than I am. There are times when I need to just sit back and enjoy the roller coaster ride. Adoption is a roller coaster ride.

When we got back to the orphanage from our visit to the SDA and notary with Valentin, we had planned to celebrate this milestone with Masha. Cathy and I walked over to the market not too far away and got a small cake, a loaf of bread, some sausage, cheese spread and apple juice. The cake was sliced, and we cut each slice in half to share with the other children and the care givers. In return, we had potato soup, along with a delicious plate of fish, mashed potatoes and chopped beets.

Now, the reason I share with you that I consider myself a God-fearing Christian, is that I believe in answered prayer. A few years ago, when I posted my resolution to "Be a Dad in 2011" on Facebook, I had said that in prayer. I have thanked God every day for each one of our children. I have seen that things I have asked for have happened and been given. Like I said, it's taken me awhile to be okay with that being my thing. Because it really is just my thing, and by extension it is Cathy's and my thing. If it's your thing, that's great. But if it's not your thing, that's okay, too.

As we were finishing our celebration lunch, Igor came in and sat down with us. He said that he was going to make arrangements for us to sign Masha out of the orphanage.

Mama watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone with her daughter

I can only imagine what Cathy's reaction was, but I nearly fell out of my chair and passed out. This was answered prayer. We weren't exactly sure if we could share this. I'm still not completely convinced that we're not violating some rule by sharing this. But I want to encourage you. I want you to know just how incredible this journey has been. That all of the ups and downs have been more than worth it; and the peaks of joy have more than made up for the challenging valleys that we have encountered. If our journey has been about anything it has been about hope. At least for me. There were times when I thought I would never have any children; times when I thought I would only have one child. Here we are now, blessed with three! Cathy and I have gone from a very dark and sad state of hopelessness to delirious joy.

Do you want to build a snowman?/Or ride our bikes around the hall?

God has answered my prayer. Not just my prayer, but Cathy's; and every prayer said for us.

Bella's view of the room from her bed

The big, wide world is a bit overwhelming and scary. There are a lot more choices than there used to be. What we are doing is using the Google Translate app and communicating that way.

The sketch comes pretty close, don't you think?

Thursday, May 1st and Friday, May 2nd are holidays here in Kiev. "The Day of International Solidarity of Workers". This is a holdover from Russia. We got an automatic alert from the U.S. Embassy here in Kiev through the STEP program we signed up for advising us to be aware of marches and parades Thursday morning at 10am. So, we had a late breakfast of scrambled eggs, bread and juice.

We took a walk over to St. Andrew's and the SDA building. We went inside St. Andrew's. Cathy and I said a prayer of thanks. We've been saying prayers of thanks when we eat and before going to sleep, too.

We walked down the hill behind St. Andrew's and the SDA and had lunch at Domino's. We asked Bella what kind of pizza she wanted. The choice was a bit daunting, but we learned that she's not a big fan of pineapple...at least not pineapple on pizza. But she was a real trooper and ate it anyway. Cathy got a salad and we shared our pizza with her. Bells isn't really a big soda drinker either. Which is fine by me. Instead of walking back up the hill, we took the train to Maidan station and we let her pick out a couple barrettes in a shop in the subway. Mama let her stand in line and pay for them herself. I bit my lip and paced.

I find myself trying not to stare and watch her reactions to the Big, Wide World. It's one thing to have to face it all, and then another thing on top of it to feel self conscious about it all.

I certainly realize just how blessed I am. I see what I am very thankful for.

We will be getting the Court Decree approving our petition to adopt Bella on Monday, May 12th. Then, she'll be getting a new birth certificate and passport. After that she'll have a physical with a doctor here for her visa from the Embassy and we will be on our way to our Happily Ever After.

In just a few weeks from now, we will be the Forever Five.

Our Day In Court

Dave sez, I am a creature of habit. I am a slave to a routine.

Max, the late Milo and Maize

I get up every morning at five. This is for two reasons. We have three dogs. Their body clock is set to "Early!" So, I get up and put them out at five in the morning. Then I have some quiet time before everybody else gets up. The only time this routine changes is on the weekends when our basset Maize lets me sleep in until seven on Saturday and Sunday.

This morning, I got up at my usual time. I didn't have a whole lot of personal, quiet time. I hadn't shaved in a couple of days, so I did that. Shaved, showered, had a bite and then brushed my teeth. You remember the story during the Sochi Olympics about the tap water there. We have a gallon of water in the bathroom specifically for brushing our teeth. I don't yodel in the shower here like I would at home. I am a yodelin' fool. At about six-twenty-five, I woke Cathy up.

This was an early day because our court appearance was at nine o'clock.

M*A*S*H 4077th Compound

Normally, our routine would be shifted about an hour later than this morning to visit Masha at the orphanage. But with court, we had to be out there at eight o'clock. Eight is when the doors to the underground mall are usually unlocked for commuters to make their way through from Maidan station. At seven o'clock as we were making our way down to the Square, the mall was darkened and still closed. So we decided to walk across Independence Square - above the mall - and through the barricade.

Independence Square, Kiev, Ukraine



Now, remember, looking at the picture above, from the base of that monument heading back across the street to the corner where the burned out Exchange building is, that is a compound of tents and shelters. If you're like me and you grew up watching M*A*S*H, it was like walking through the 4077th Compound. As we entered there was an area where a log splitter was set up. We saw a shelter that had a television. I'm wondering if that was cable- or satellite-ready or just for DVD's.

 

 

Near that street that divides the Square into two halves is another entrance to the subway. It is surreal to think that after all these months commuters are still making their way through the narrow corridor through the compound as if it were now just a part of the landscape.

 

 

By 7:10 we were standing on the curb outside Holosiivska station. Within minutes a 507 pulled up to the curb and we were on board. by 7:30 we were at the orphanage.

 

We got to the courthouse a little before nine o'clock. We were a large group in the judges chamber at 9:10. The judges chambers are a narrow, and long. Here desk was set opposite the door into her chambers. The wall behind her was a long window. She had two staff. Their desks faced each other on the right side of the office. We all sat on chairs on the left side wall. Our facilitator translated for us as the case and petition was read.

 

Once again the judge recognized us. She remembered that we had adopted not once, but twice before. Cathy had brought a photo book and showed off how our boys have been doing. She asked how they are. I said, Fantastic. And tried not to sound like The Ninth Doctor.

 

Then she asked about Masha. We told her that we had met her when we were here for Ethan. We connected then and couldn't imagine her not being a part of our family. She got more specific. Why Masha? Why Kiev a third time? I told the judge that I have two boys that I love and enjoy very much. I know that Cathy needs that kind of relationship - with a daughter. Why Kiev? Why a third time? Our boys are from here. Our children are from Kiev.

 

There was a bit of standing up and sitting down; we both formally had to ask permission to adopt Masha, permission to change her name and permission to be named as her parents on her new birth certificate.

 

It's a GIRL!

After court, our facilitator was able to get a few things done at the SDA and with the notary ahead of our court decree, which we expect to have in ten days, around Monday, May 12th. Maybe a day or two later, either Tuesday or Wednesday, will be her Gotcha Day, when we sign her out of the orphanage and make our final arrangements to come home forever.

 

Then we'll be the Forever Five!          

The One With The Lesson From Groundhog Day

Bill Murray as Phil Connors in Groundhog Day



Dave sez, You've seen Groundhog Day, right? Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell, Chris Elliot and the incredible Stephen Tobolowsky as the one, the only, the man, the myth, the legendary Ned Ryserson. If you have not seen the movie, go watch it right now and then come back and continue reading.

I'll wait right here...

Now? Okay. I'm going to just assume you've seen or just watched Groundhog Day. Bill Murray as Pittsburgh meteorologist Phil Connors sent to cover the annual Punxsutawney Phil groundhog event. As we know, Phil is a bit of a jerk. No one likes Phil. Phil doesn't like anyone. Phil doesn't want to cover the annual Groundhog Day event. But he goes and gets stuck in a time loop. He runs the whole gamut of reactions. There is one part that comes to mind. At one point, Phil ends up sitting on a park bench outside the bank. There's an armored car with a old guard making a delivery to the bank. Phil starts rattling off what happens and what people say before they say it. In a really dry, monotonous voice. (I was looking for a video of the scene on YouTube, but all they have is a behind the scenes making of video.)

We have gotten into a routine here, where we get up and we go out to the orphanage. Cathy and I want to spend time with Masha while we wait for our court date. There really isn't much else to do, what with the climate of the country and what's going on. We want and need to be careful. We walk down the hill to the Square, we go down into Maidan station, we get on the subway, we get off the train at Holosiivska, we go up to the street, we wait for the bus. It's on the corner at Holosiivska station where I hear Phil's voice. "Number 12 bus. Number 801. Number 416. Number 444. Two Number 53's pull up behind the one on break. And here's the 507."

You've probably heard that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. That's the lesson in futility from Groundhog Day. Doing the same thing over and over doesn't change the results. I am finding that there is another, more important lesson in there, too. Phil spends an awful lot of time doing different things throwing off all the rules. He gets to the point where he says, What the heck? Might as well. So, that tells me that doing the wrong things and expecting that things are going to work out and go your way doesn't work either. You only have to figure out the one right thing you have to keep doing, and then everything falls into place and clicks together.

Maybe it's sappy and corny that Phil went from being an unlikeable jerk, to being a happy guy.

 

Cathy and I have a lot of time while we're waiting through our process here. It's a good thing. Doesn't mean I'll be playing a musical instrument any time soon...

 

We hope to hear something soon about our court date. We have not heard anything yet, but we are still praying for a Tuesday court date. We are hopeful.     

Patience and Faith

Dave sez, If our journey here to Kiev - three times - has been about any thing, it has been about developing patience and building faith. Oh, and adopting three children, two sons and now, finally, a daughter.

"...Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see...And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." (Hebrews 11: 1, 6)

We are here in Kiev a third time. What is the difference between this third trip and the two previous trips? Not much. We see the effects months and months of protesting has had on the city. There is a side of this city that is permanently scarred from anger. But it seems like only half. The other half still functions. The two seem to co-exist side-by-side right now. It is hard to see if the wound is healing, or ever will.

 

From Independence Square, where there is still an Occupy-style encampment, across to the burned out Exchange building, we see that the angry scar has gone up the street to Parliament, and the cathedral next to it. We saw that yesterday.

 

  



Cathy and I have to compliment our facilitator Valentin. He is working very hard to make progress with our process and schedule our court date. Cathy and I would ask all of our "prayer warriors" to lift him, the SDA and the DFC up in prayer that the consent is signed as soon as possible - Monday - and that our court date is scheduled for TUESDAY. Cathy and I really need to have our court date scheduled for TUESDAY. Valentin had told us on Tuesday that consent forms had not been signed for close to three weeks. He has been working tirelessly and valiantly to move things along. He reminded them that we had been here twice before and we adopted two sons. He also reminded them that we were a Christian, God-fearing family.

Yesterday, we had just gotten to the orphanage for our visit with Masha. The phone rang. It was Valentin. He said he needed a brief description for the SDA and DFC about our church. What type of church it was that we go to and what type of church it was that Masha would be attending when she comes home. He asked if I could write something up and e-mail it to him.

"Where are you?" He asked.

I do a pretty decent impression of Nervous Ross...

I said, "Uh...uh...we're here at the orphanage, with Masha."

Perfect, he told me. I could use the computer there to write something up and send it to him. He called Igor to explain, I called Igor to explain. Igor called me back and asked where we were.

"Uh...uh...we're here at the orphanage, with Masha."

He cleared up my confusion by asking, where I actually was. He told me that he would explain everything to Neela in the office and that everything would be fine.

Valentin called me back and together we pieced a few sentences about our Faith a church. Then I handed the phone over to Neela and he dictated/translated to her. She typed it up and we signed it.

Next, we had to get this document to the SDA office before 1pm. That is when most government offices close for lunch for one hour. It was 11:30. So, we had to move.

We just made the 507 at the bus stop; which got us to Holosiivska station and back to Maidan by 12:25. That gave us a little over thirty-five minutes to make it up the hill from Independence Square and past Parliament to the SDA office. Walking up the hill we noticed that a lot of the restaurants we had frequented on the last two trips were closed and gone out of business. The Double Coffee had a "напрокат" banner in the window. There was a Russian restaurant where we had enjoyed a great dish of both Russian Salad and Chicken Kiev, that was closed now, too. The scar had climbed up the hill from the Square to the cathedral next to Parliament where there were more tents. 

We made it to the SDA by a quarter to one. We called Valentin so that he would let someone know that we were there with the document. He had been called into a court session, so we called Igor to call Valentin to call someone to let them know we were there with the document. Valentin called us back and let us know that he would be calling a woman with the SDA named Helen, who would come out and take the document from us. She did. She said, "Thank you," in English to us.

We got a call this morning from Valentin that it was possible that the consent to adopt would be signed off on Monday, and that our court date could be scheduled for either TUESDAY or Wednesday. He would keep us informed.

If our journey has been about any thing, it has been about developing patience and building faith.

"...I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry." (Ps. 40: 1)