Our Day In Court

Dave sez, I am a creature of habit. I am a slave to a routine.

Max, the late Milo and Maize

I get up every morning at five. This is for two reasons. We have three dogs. Their body clock is set to "Early!" So, I get up and put them out at five in the morning. Then I have some quiet time before everybody else gets up. The only time this routine changes is on the weekends when our basset Maize lets me sleep in until seven on Saturday and Sunday.

This morning, I got up at my usual time. I didn't have a whole lot of personal, quiet time. I hadn't shaved in a couple of days, so I did that. Shaved, showered, had a bite and then brushed my teeth. You remember the story during the Sochi Olympics about the tap water there. We have a gallon of water in the bathroom specifically for brushing our teeth. I don't yodel in the shower here like I would at home. I am a yodelin' fool. At about six-twenty-five, I woke Cathy up.

This was an early day because our court appearance was at nine o'clock.

M*A*S*H 4077th Compound

Normally, our routine would be shifted about an hour later than this morning to visit Masha at the orphanage. But with court, we had to be out there at eight o'clock. Eight is when the doors to the underground mall are usually unlocked for commuters to make their way through from Maidan station. At seven o'clock as we were making our way down to the Square, the mall was darkened and still closed. So we decided to walk across Independence Square - above the mall - and through the barricade.

Independence Square, Kiev, Ukraine



Now, remember, looking at the picture above, from the base of that monument heading back across the street to the corner where the burned out Exchange building is, that is a compound of tents and shelters. If you're like me and you grew up watching M*A*S*H, it was like walking through the 4077th Compound. As we entered there was an area where a log splitter was set up. We saw a shelter that had a television. I'm wondering if that was cable- or satellite-ready or just for DVD's.

 

 

Near that street that divides the Square into two halves is another entrance to the subway. It is surreal to think that after all these months commuters are still making their way through the narrow corridor through the compound as if it were now just a part of the landscape.

 

 

By 7:10 we were standing on the curb outside Holosiivska station. Within minutes a 507 pulled up to the curb and we were on board. by 7:30 we were at the orphanage.

 

We got to the courthouse a little before nine o'clock. We were a large group in the judges chamber at 9:10. The judges chambers are a narrow, and long. Here desk was set opposite the door into her chambers. The wall behind her was a long window. She had two staff. Their desks faced each other on the right side of the office. We all sat on chairs on the left side wall. Our facilitator translated for us as the case and petition was read.

 

Once again the judge recognized us. She remembered that we had adopted not once, but twice before. Cathy had brought a photo book and showed off how our boys have been doing. She asked how they are. I said, Fantastic. And tried not to sound like The Ninth Doctor.

 

Then she asked about Masha. We told her that we had met her when we were here for Ethan. We connected then and couldn't imagine her not being a part of our family. She got more specific. Why Masha? Why Kiev a third time? I told the judge that I have two boys that I love and enjoy very much. I know that Cathy needs that kind of relationship - with a daughter. Why Kiev? Why a third time? Our boys are from here. Our children are from Kiev.

 

There was a bit of standing up and sitting down; we both formally had to ask permission to adopt Masha, permission to change her name and permission to be named as her parents on her new birth certificate.

 

It's a GIRL!

After court, our facilitator was able to get a few things done at the SDA and with the notary ahead of our court decree, which we expect to have in ten days, around Monday, May 12th. Maybe a day or two later, either Tuesday or Wednesday, will be her Gotcha Day, when we sign her out of the orphanage and make our final arrangements to come home forever.

 

Then we'll be the Forever Five!          

The One With The Lesson From Groundhog Day

Bill Murray as Phil Connors in Groundhog Day



Dave sez, You've seen Groundhog Day, right? Bill Murray, Andie MacDowell, Chris Elliot and the incredible Stephen Tobolowsky as the one, the only, the man, the myth, the legendary Ned Ryserson. If you have not seen the movie, go watch it right now and then come back and continue reading.

I'll wait right here...

Now? Okay. I'm going to just assume you've seen or just watched Groundhog Day. Bill Murray as Pittsburgh meteorologist Phil Connors sent to cover the annual Punxsutawney Phil groundhog event. As we know, Phil is a bit of a jerk. No one likes Phil. Phil doesn't like anyone. Phil doesn't want to cover the annual Groundhog Day event. But he goes and gets stuck in a time loop. He runs the whole gamut of reactions. There is one part that comes to mind. At one point, Phil ends up sitting on a park bench outside the bank. There's an armored car with a old guard making a delivery to the bank. Phil starts rattling off what happens and what people say before they say it. In a really dry, monotonous voice. (I was looking for a video of the scene on YouTube, but all they have is a behind the scenes making of video.)

We have gotten into a routine here, where we get up and we go out to the orphanage. Cathy and I want to spend time with Masha while we wait for our court date. There really isn't much else to do, what with the climate of the country and what's going on. We want and need to be careful. We walk down the hill to the Square, we go down into Maidan station, we get on the subway, we get off the train at Holosiivska, we go up to the street, we wait for the bus. It's on the corner at Holosiivska station where I hear Phil's voice. "Number 12 bus. Number 801. Number 416. Number 444. Two Number 53's pull up behind the one on break. And here's the 507."

You've probably heard that doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is the definition of insanity. That's the lesson in futility from Groundhog Day. Doing the same thing over and over doesn't change the results. I am finding that there is another, more important lesson in there, too. Phil spends an awful lot of time doing different things throwing off all the rules. He gets to the point where he says, What the heck? Might as well. So, that tells me that doing the wrong things and expecting that things are going to work out and go your way doesn't work either. You only have to figure out the one right thing you have to keep doing, and then everything falls into place and clicks together.

Maybe it's sappy and corny that Phil went from being an unlikeable jerk, to being a happy guy.

 

Cathy and I have a lot of time while we're waiting through our process here. It's a good thing. Doesn't mean I'll be playing a musical instrument any time soon...

 

We hope to hear something soon about our court date. We have not heard anything yet, but we are still praying for a Tuesday court date. We are hopeful.     

Patience and Faith

Dave sez, If our journey here to Kiev - three times - has been about any thing, it has been about developing patience and building faith. Oh, and adopting three children, two sons and now, finally, a daughter.

"...Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see...And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him." (Hebrews 11: 1, 6)

We are here in Kiev a third time. What is the difference between this third trip and the two previous trips? Not much. We see the effects months and months of protesting has had on the city. There is a side of this city that is permanently scarred from anger. But it seems like only half. The other half still functions. The two seem to co-exist side-by-side right now. It is hard to see if the wound is healing, or ever will.

 

From Independence Square, where there is still an Occupy-style encampment, across to the burned out Exchange building, we see that the angry scar has gone up the street to Parliament, and the cathedral next to it. We saw that yesterday.

 

  



Cathy and I have to compliment our facilitator Valentin. He is working very hard to make progress with our process and schedule our court date. Cathy and I would ask all of our "prayer warriors" to lift him, the SDA and the DFC up in prayer that the consent is signed as soon as possible - Monday - and that our court date is scheduled for TUESDAY. Cathy and I really need to have our court date scheduled for TUESDAY. Valentin had told us on Tuesday that consent forms had not been signed for close to three weeks. He has been working tirelessly and valiantly to move things along. He reminded them that we had been here twice before and we adopted two sons. He also reminded them that we were a Christian, God-fearing family.

Yesterday, we had just gotten to the orphanage for our visit with Masha. The phone rang. It was Valentin. He said he needed a brief description for the SDA and DFC about our church. What type of church it was that we go to and what type of church it was that Masha would be attending when she comes home. He asked if I could write something up and e-mail it to him.

"Where are you?" He asked.

I do a pretty decent impression of Nervous Ross...

I said, "Uh...uh...we're here at the orphanage, with Masha."

Perfect, he told me. I could use the computer there to write something up and send it to him. He called Igor to explain, I called Igor to explain. Igor called me back and asked where we were.

"Uh...uh...we're here at the orphanage, with Masha."

He cleared up my confusion by asking, where I actually was. He told me that he would explain everything to Neela in the office and that everything would be fine.

Valentin called me back and together we pieced a few sentences about our Faith a church. Then I handed the phone over to Neela and he dictated/translated to her. She typed it up and we signed it.

Next, we had to get this document to the SDA office before 1pm. That is when most government offices close for lunch for one hour. It was 11:30. So, we had to move.

We just made the 507 at the bus stop; which got us to Holosiivska station and back to Maidan by 12:25. That gave us a little over thirty-five minutes to make it up the hill from Independence Square and past Parliament to the SDA office. Walking up the hill we noticed that a lot of the restaurants we had frequented on the last two trips were closed and gone out of business. The Double Coffee had a "напрокат" banner in the window. There was a Russian restaurant where we had enjoyed a great dish of both Russian Salad and Chicken Kiev, that was closed now, too. The scar had climbed up the hill from the Square to the cathedral next to Parliament where there were more tents. 

We made it to the SDA by a quarter to one. We called Valentin so that he would let someone know that we were there with the document. He had been called into a court session, so we called Igor to call Valentin to call someone to let them know we were there with the document. Valentin called us back and let us know that he would be calling a woman with the SDA named Helen, who would come out and take the document from us. She did. She said, "Thank you," in English to us.

We got a call this morning from Valentin that it was possible that the consent to adopt would be signed off on Monday, and that our court date could be scheduled for either TUESDAY or Wednesday. He would keep us informed.

If our journey has been about any thing, it has been about developing patience and building faith.

"...I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry." (Ps. 40: 1)

Betty Cooper's Parents

Dave sez, You've probably heard, read or have seen The Debate. It goes like this, "You're stranded on a desert island, who do you choose, Mary Ann or Ginger?" It boils down to this, do you choose the girl next door, or the glamour girl? High Maintenance or Low Maintenance? The Debate can also be expressed as "Do you choose Betty or Veronica"?

As we are spending time with our daughter Masha, Cathy and I are learning about her. I am also learning a lot about myself. I am glad that I picked my Mary Ann/Betty. We're about thirteen days away from our 24th Anniversary. We're going to be celebrating it a little differently this year. My soul mate is not the most "glamorous" figure. But, to me, she is a Proverbs 31 Woman. I love her because she is sweet and kind and think of others before herself. The hardest thing we've gone through was when I held her hand after her surgery and she told me that as soon as she came home from the hospital, she wanted to look into adoption.

Now, I sit beside her on a bench in the music room at the Cradle of Children's Hope orphanage outside of Kiev, Ukraine and I watch as she braids her daughter's hair with nervous hands. Masha is sitting on the floor, quietly. Patiently. Trustingly.

"I need more practice," Cathy whispers to me.

You'll get it, I think to myself.

Masha, I am finding, is just the kind of daughter we were looking for. She's pretty plain and un-glamorous. There is no woman or girl that is Low Maintenance. Only guys are Low Maintenance. Fer instance, Cathy is an awesome cook. She can make anything, and surprise me with it, I will eat it and ask for seconds. I don't even have to know what it is. That, is my definition of Low Maintenance; easy and simple to satisfy. High Maintenance, on the other hand, is any kind of effort to satisfy. I don't mind that I consider Cathy to be High Maintenance, or that she compels me to give my best efforts for her. We've done this journey to Kiev three times. I ask for the same breakfast my first Saturday/Sunday home: biscuits and gravy. She makes the greatest biscuits and gravy in THE universe. Justin's first weekend home, I asked for biscuits and gravy. Justin didn't say, I don't like this. He said, This is terrible! We didn't have biscuits and gravy for almost a year, Cathy was so dismayed by that. Folks told us that we should have had biscuits and gravy every week, until it caught on. We had biscuits and gravy when Ethan came home; and I am looking forward to biscuits and gravy Masha's first weekend home as Bells. Justin is still a little High Maintenance. So is Ethan, but for different reasons.

I think Masha will adjust pretty well when we get home. I expect that we will have some bumps along the way, just like Ethan and Justin. What we are finding is that our children have developed a sense of independence that they have not been ready to give up on in exchange for trust.

I see a bond of trust developing between Masha and her new mother. I see a girl that wants a relationship with a mother.

I also see that my Twi-hard daughter is gonna to compel me to take up huntin'...

 

I'm just kidding. I'm sure she'll find her "Archie".

I'm sure this is a bit idealistic, but I can dream, can't I?

       

Just Another Manic Monday

Dave sez, So, today is a holiday for Easter Sunday.
It's another laid back day, only Monday. During the week we visit with Masha during "school hours". Let me tell you, I appreciate that greatly! We are a distraction to the children, because they see us like we are a new toy. When the children see me, I get mobbed. All the boys come over and shake my hand and say "Hello!" I respond in kind with "Привіт!" Then all the girls come over and say the same thing, with the same response.

Selfie!

I guess there are very few men that shave their heads here the way that I do, because all of the children come around and run their hands across my scalp to feel how smooth it is. I get the same reaction every time, "Ooooooo!" Then giggles. I feel a bit like a brass statue; I guess I will be bringing all the children good luck.

They are so fascinated by Cathy and me - Cathy and I - us - we tend to become the center of attention, and the kids lose all focus on anything else. Like listening. If you are a parent, you know what that's like. You're herding your kittens along just fine and then - SQUIRREL! - they see something, or someone, and you have to compensate and get them back on the course they were going originally.

The greater challenge has been for each one of our kids. Since we are the "new toy", our kids have not been willing to share our attention with anyone else. And that makes sense. It is interesting to see the lengths to which all three of our children have gone to mark and defend us as territory. I certainly don't want Masha, just as I didn't want Ethan or Justin before her, to see me giving another child her - or his/their - attention.

Let me just share this: Every child needs deserves a loving home, parents and a family. Wherever you are on your journey, just as there might be a "soul mate" looking for you - unless you have found one and are enjoying that soul mate - there might be a boy or a girl looking for you as well. Justin found us. He introduced us to Ethan. Who introduced us to Masha. Our journey has led us to International Adoption. Yours may be domestic. Local. Through your Country's foster-to-adopt program. Through an adoption agency in your community or nearby. 

Remember the story of the starfish.

"I made a difference to that one."

Alright, I'm off my soap box now.

After working on Masha's English lesson and playing a few hands of Uno, we were invited in for lunch by the Cradle of Children's Hope staff. They have been so gracious, friendly and generous to us. That is not an unusual thing. This is Kiev, not New York. We have found people all over the city very friendly and amicable. When it is cold and rainy the staff welcome us in to the orphanage with hot tea. We can also wash the tea down with sweets. It is so nice to be able to sit and eat with Masha and the children. The children pray before they eat. We sit and give thanks for our hosts, the hard work that goes into the meal and show our gratitude. If this were China, I would amuse the children by burping the alphabet in appreciation, like I do at home when Cathy cooks. But this is not, so I don't.

We had a delicious potato soup, salad and chicken and rice. To this day, Justin still raves about the rice he enjoyed in the orphanage.

Masha is a fan of Big Time Rush. James is her favorite. Justin was hooked on Big Time Rush when he first came home, so I have it on my iPod. I remembered to bring it today, so she was humming along to BTR during our visit. We are starting to get a complete picture of our daughter and her tastes and likes. She has seen all of the Twilight films - so she is a Twi-hard, and a fan of Bella. I will have to keep my eyes open for pale old souls. I will also have to make sure all her windows stay closed, and bolted locked. Her next necklace will be of garlic, with a vial of holy water as a charm.

On our way back to the apartment we made an incredible discovery! There is a Billa grocery store in the underground mall at Maidan.

Independence Square, Kiev, Ukraine

The picture above? The center is Independence Square. Just below that walkway is a shopping mall. Under that cross street is Maidan station. Now, toward the foreground, the base of that monument is the ceiling skylight of the other half of the shopping mall on the other side of the street. In the lower level of that, is a Billa grocery! Now, back to the picture above. There is a part of the Square on the other side of the street from the monument that still has the Occupy camp from last November. That building on the right is still burnt out. There are still piles of tires and bricks here and there. And yet, the Billa below is amazingly inviting in contrast. They are very helpful, even to out-of-towners like us. The space where Billa is now was once a sporting goods store. It's where we got Justin and Ethan their backpacks to carry their belongings on the flight home. There was an Adidas store nearby where we got Justin a commemorative Eurocup 2012 soccer ball as a coming home gift. We'll have to see if that is still there on our next grocery visit.

Every day it seems there is a new, enjoyable discovery here!          

Good Friday

Dave sez, it's Saturday. It's raining. The forecast here is calling for rain through at least Wednesday, then Thursday it starts to clear up through the weekend. The good news is that while there is an 80% chance for rain today, a 50% chance tomorrow and a 70% chance on Monday, Tuesday is only a 10% chance and Wednesday a 60%. Then it's blue clear skies the rest of the week!

Yesterday was Good Friday. It was a good Good Friday visit with Masha. We are still waiting for our court date. The court date is usually scheduled within twenty days of the SDA appointment. The court date for Justin and Ethan was within that time frame. We were the only family adopting from the Cradle of Children's Hope orphanage when we brought Ethan home, and our court date was around eighteen days following our SDA appointment. We continue to pray. Cathy and I are enjoying the time that we can spend getting on each other's nerves, and the time we can spend with Masha as we wait.

For Good Friday I wrote out some special sentences for Masha.

One of the things I look back on with pride and amazement is that after his Gotcha Date, when I brought Ethan back to the apartment, he found our host's tablet and watched Mel Gibson's The Passion of The Christ on YouTube. Let me put this into context and perspective for you.

After Justin's Gotcha Day, and he came back to the apartment, we had a few extra days before we flew home. We were relaxing around the apartment, and Justin was channel-surfing, he found a Hindi movie, Mohabbatein. He watched the entire three-hour movie. He sang the songs fluently. The movie is a story of love, forgiveness and redemption. It is set in a seminary. Justin and Ethan both are big fans of Hindi films. They are fans of Shahrukh Khan and Hrithik Roshan, just to name a couple. What is interesting is that there are basic family values and morals to Hindi films. They may be slightly suggestive, but that is somewhat light-hearted humor. The films promote a faith and value. They are also musicals, every one of them. Whatever the story, whatever moral value or lesson, there is usually a few grand musical numbers in them. That's probably why they are three-hours long.

As we got to know the boys more and began to bond with them, we learned that they have a Hindi background. Their family made their way to Kiev from India.

I was shocked, but impressed that Ethan would search, find and watch The Passion. I looked over his shoulder as bloodied Jim Caviezel struggled to carry his cross to crucifixion. I asked Ethan if he understood what he was watching, what it was about. He nodded, "Jesus," he told me. I asked if he understood what was happening to Jesus. He nodded. I asked him if he had any questions. He shook his head. Years and years from now, I will look back on that moment the same way I look back on it now, with an incredibly large sense of pride. That is a very hard movie for adults to watch. Cathy can't sit through that movie. It is just too painful for her. I understand that. I'm more of a gaper. Yeah, I slow down and watch accidents on the road when I drive. I need to see that. I need to see every detail. Every lash. Every painful cry. Not in a grisly, gratuitous fashion.

We didn't bring The Passion on this trip. But we did bring Frozen, Tangled and The Princess and The Frog. We brought the Harry Potter films, because Masha is a Harry Potter fan and the story is basically the same - the triumph of good over evil. Masha showed us a Wizard of OZ book, so we'll have to see what kind of Wizard of OZ fan she is. I'm going to be very interested to see what kinds of movies, television shows, books, and games she is interested in. Girls are becoming more and more sci-fi and comic book geeks. I was reading a 'blog on Comic Book Resources the other day where more girls are becoming fans of the Teen Titans, because of the two anime-style cartoons on Cartoon Network.

Cool!

Ethan is a huge Green Lantern John Stewart and The Incredible Hulk fan. Maybe we will have a Geek Girl, too!

Maybe she'll be a Doctor Who fan...?    

Throwback Thursday

Dave sez, It was November 2012 when we were first introduced to Masha. Cathy and I were visiting Ethan while we waited for his court date to be scheduled and he pointed her out. We asked him if she had any brothers or sisters with her in the orphanage. He told us no. Then he looked up at both of us, and a very big grin creased his face. "Masha," he whispered to both of us, "sister?" The two of us looked at each other. She was a girl, all by herself, at the orphanage. By the Fall of 2012, we had talked and talked about whether or not we were at our journey's end. When Justin first found us, we had no idea about Ethan. It was the first week of January 2011. He was the answer to our prayers. We thought that we were blessed and lucky to have one child. We thought we would be one, and done.

  
As we got to know more about Justin, we learned that he had a cousin in the orphanage, Ethan. Justin introduced Ethan - then - as, "This is Shani - MY BROTHER!" We spent time with both boys, but made sure that Justin was the focus of our attention. We made the mistake of talking with Justin about Ethan after our court appearance. It hurt Justin's feeling to have to share such an important day for him with any one else. After his Gotcha Day, we visited Ethan until our flight home. When I said "baka-baka" to Ethan, I looked him in the eye and told him that Mama and I would be back and we would bring him home for good. A few months later, we had an opportunity to host him over Christmas as New Year's. It was good to see him again.

Over the months between bringing Justin and Ethan home, Cathy and I talked about our family plan and goals. We prayed for guidance. We agreed it would be a good idea to stop with just the two boys. The more we talked about what we wanted and desired, Cathy shared how much she longed for a daughter. But we agreed that most of the girls we'd seen at the Cradle of Children's Hope were part of sibling groups. There would be no way that we could handle building a larger family just for the sake of wanting a daughter.

Cathy and I actually looked at each other and said the only way we could consider adopting a third child is if it were a girl and she were all by herself, without any brothers or sisters.

From our lips to God's ears.

And here we are. In Kiev. A third time. Bringing our daughter, Masha home.

We are still waiting for our court date to be scheduled. We are praying that our court date comes up before next Friday. Thank you for joining us in our prayers.

While we wait we are spending some quality time, bonding with our girl. Today was more sentences. writing them out and reading them aloud. Cathy had her read a two-page story. When she got down to the bottom of the first page, she breathed a sigh of relief thinking that she was done. Her eyed bugged wide when Cathy turned the page for her to continue. She flopped back on the couch like one of the Peanuts characters, with a worn gasp. It was really funny to see. When she was finally done, she did the same thing. "So. Tired. Can't. Move. Ever. Sentence. Is. Just. One. Word..."

We sat on the floor as usual to play Uno. She kicked off her slippers. I put a lot of effort into shuffling. She was watching, and flopped onto her back at the sight of my shuffling.

So, I tickled her feet.

She jumped up and ducked behind Cathy. She snatched her cards from her spot as I dealt them, ducking back behind Mama. I grabbed the camera out of our backpack to try and capture a picture of her hiding behind Mom, but she ducked down to where I couldn't see her. I put the camera away. She came out from hiding.

It is fun to see that spark. It is going to be interesting to see what kind of ingredients we are mixing when we bring her home to see Ethan and meet Justin for the first time. Justin is anxious, because he has only seen her on a computer screen when we Skype. He's never met her.

We're probably going to have our hands full, just between her and Ethan. He is no fan of reading. Justin is just now discovering books. But he is more active and outdoorsy. Ethan and Masha seem like they could be couch potatoes like Mom and Dad...used to be.

We're becoming more active because of our kids. That's because they run us ragged - bah-dum-bump!

I'm looking forward to playing Monopoly, Uno and a host of other board and card games - "and loving it!"

Here's to building a calendar full of Throwback Thursdays!