The One That's Full Of Anecdotes...

Dave sez,

Cathy and I have been noticing things that are different about this trip. Some things change, some things are the same...

The SDA is in the same place. Our appointment there was pretty much what we expected, pretty similar to last year. Where we are staying is a little farther away; but, not by much and not in any bad way. We've been looking forward to walking Kiev again. Tuesday we walked from the apartment to the SDA for our referral documents, getting familiar with the neighborhood we're in now, seeing the same street vendors that were out when we were here last. At the SDA office we met a couple from Florida that were picking up their documents and then heading down to Crimea to adopt a sibling couple near the end of their orphanage time. There was another couple with them adopting a sibling group of four. Didn't catch where they were from. There was maybe another couple after us, we got our paperwork and were on our way.

Our driver and our facilitator picked us up Wednesday for the trip to the notary. Traffic is always an enjoyable spectator sport. It is almost like every cliched scene you've ever seen in a movie, including Dustin Hoffman's classic street-crossing - "I'm walkin' here! I'm walkin'!" That may be a slight exaggeration, but only a little. Cathy and I laughed just a little when our facilitator said rather casually of another driver that cut across us, "Ooh la la, you're nuts." Other families that have shared our same experiences might appreciate that. (Note from Cathy: I like that phrase so much it just may one that I start using)

I am still impressed by how old fashioned and old school this process is. Although every thing is done by computer and printer; our facilitator makes copies, and rather than staple the copies, he sews each one of the five packets of copies. I think there were three or four pages in each packet that he sewed very briskly in three places and tied the thread off.

After the notary we were on our way out to the orphanage to see Shani again after ten months.

What is different a year later at the orphanage, is, that not only are almost all of the older children gone to new homes and families, but the behavior of the children is different now, too. Last year, every day at four in the afternoon, we lost Justin and most of the kids to Avatar: The Last Airbender. A little bit to Spongebob, too. But Avatar was "it". There was no talking, no moving, no breathing during Avatar. Snacks were at four-thirty, then free time until the music lesson, then dinner.

Yesterday, the television was not on at all. Halloween is a uniquely American custom. Children do not dress up and go trick-or-treating door to door here. So, while Justin was getting, "Many, many candy!" We were getting better acquainted with his brother and teaching him English.

We had a little surprise yesterday, when we left and got on the bus back to the apartment. The bus route had changed! We used to make our way through a number of street vendors in kiosks along the road back to the subway station. Now, we hit the highway on the opposite side away from the kiosks and mall on our way back. It was a little unnerving to be headed in the opposite direction, before heading the way we needed to go...

What doesn't change is that each and every one of these children desperately want to be wanted. There are still the same number of children. New children have come here to take the place of the ones that found forever families. I feel like I am wearing Velcro. It is hard to ignore a child; but I am here for my child, and I see my child's slight frustration over having to share me with the other children in the room. This isn't any one's fault. I don't blame or fault any one - especially the little ones themselves. These are children that want to be wanted, they are desperate and hungry for attention. Cathy and I are the new toys in the room. These boys and girls want to play, they want someone to listen, they want someone to be there. Just like there is nothing better than relaxing with Honorable Number One Son in the back yard on his birthday trampoline.

Right now we are just waiting on our court date. Then ten days after that, we can start the process of bringing Shani home as Ethan. If our timetable is accurate, I should be home with Honorable Number Two Son by mid-December. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite times of the year, since it is all about spending time with family. But what a Christmas gift we have this year: as we celebrate the coming of our Savior, we add a new number to our family. The even number, "four"

Over the last few days, I've been telling Cathy why I think we are the Fantastic Four. She thinks I'm pretty good at embellishing and stretching the truth, by telling me that's not something to brag about :) ...Honorable Number One Son is our little hothead; he's impulsive...Honorable Number Two Son is our heart of gold; our diamond in the rough...Honorable Mother...well, now she is the most powerful one of our little group. She makes all of OUR problems (wait for it) invisible, just like any mother...

I can't wait to see all of our "Incredibles" together.

There's more to come, but right now we have tea, with apples and watermelon slices courtesy of our hosts. How awesome is that?!!

 

The One About What's Going On...

Dave sez,

"...And, we're BACK!"

We've had a few technical challenges the first few days here. We used WiFi at MSP, where were charging stations without USING the charging stations; in Dulles and Munich, there weren't any charging stations...wait for it...then when we finally got settled in, the adapter that we brought from home...well let's just say it didn't. Adapt. ;)

Between Dulles and Munich, our layovers added up to an eight hour day. We both tried to nap when we could on the plane, rather than sleep when we got here. That's doesn't really help adjust to the time difference.

Believe it or not we are in the future. We are eight hours ahead of home. Don't forget this weekend we fall back one hour as Daylight Saving Time ends Saturday night. I have a clock that keeps time for here in Kiev and for at home. Plus we haven't adjusted the time on our electronics yet...

We have a very gracious host that has very generously let us stay while we are here bringing Shani home as Ethan. Where we are staying is not too far from where we were last year, but a little closer to the US Embassy. We are close to two very nice grocery stores, which comes in very handy.

Monday was our appointment at the SDA. This was our first request to adopt a male child in Ukraine named Shani.

Tuesday we went back to the SDA for the referral on Shani, this is permission to visit him at the orphanage while we file paperwork, and wait for the court date to get the court's permission to adopt him, legally change his name and bring him home.

Today, we filed our request, and were able to see him for the first time since we hosted him last December. The excitement that greeted us was incredible. He missed us almost as much as we missed him.

But what a difference it has been over the last year! Nearly all of the children that we met on last year's visit are no gone - either to good homes and loving families in the states or here in Ukraine. Shani could very well be the last man standing, so to speak as far as the children we met and got to know last year.

It is so different to be here when it is colder, and more rainy - with the prospect of snow on the way - and only TWO boys on the soccer field. One of them Shani, in his last five and a half weeks here, and another boy. The other boy a little older and taller than when we last saw him. All of the other soccer players are now in the states.

We've pretty much figured out our challenges with Honorable Number Two Son. We will start working on his English and reading skills more over the next few weeks.

Where Justin is more athletic, it appears that Ethan (nee Shani) is more creative. He likes to sing. We will have to see where this creative streak runs. He is different, and so are his talents, from Justin. It would be easy to paint them with the same brush and say they will be two peas in a pod; I don't know that they will even be two sides of the same coin. I wonder if they will be the same kind of currency. Justin has been quite the star. It should be interesting to see this new light shine.

Tonight at dinner, I looked at my Team Georgiy bracelet. I have not taken it off since I got it in the Spring of 2011. Ethan was looking at it and my blue wristband that says, "Adoption Is An Act Of God" and "Never Give Up". He asked if one was for Justin and if one was for him. We've done things differently to bring Shani home than we did for Justin. I realized it was time to take off my Team Georgiy band. There might not be any thing to replace it. I still wear the other one, though.

It will be a new adventure to see what we learn from Ethan, and from the boys as a pair.

Our court date is due sometime around nineteen days after the SDA appointment we had on Monday. Cathy's math places that sometime around November 16th. We have come this far on the strength and power of prayer.

Thank you very much for taking the time to get to know us, and follow our adventures with Justin and this exciting new journey to bring Ethan (nee Shani) home. Cathy will tell you her life has been changed by these boys. I know I'm different than I used to be. Hopefully for the better.

We're Cathy and Dave, and this is our adoption journey.

A Little Bonding Time...

Dave sez,

Hi! We're Cathy and Dave. Thanks for taking the time to get to know us a little better on our adventure with our first son, Justin, and the journey we will be starting on to bring our second son, Ethan (nee Shani), home over the next few weeks. We're not sure when our invitation to travel to Kiev will come, but we do know that there will always be more to be Thankful for in November and more reason to celebrate the coming of our Savior as we start a new year.

A funny thing happened on the way to school this morning.

Justin doesn't like riding the bus to school. The bus to the newcomers program is a longer ride than the one the other kids have. This year's program is a little farther still than last year's program. Justin, Cathy and I will be so excited when he starts "normal" middle school at his regular school. It'll be closer. He'll have his choice of riding the bus, walking, negotiating for the keys to the car...But for now, I drop him off at school in the morning. Some mornings I have time to drop Cathy off at work.

So, we had a good laugh over what happened when I dropped Justin off at school. I was laughing so hard I was crying.

I have to get on the highway to get across town to drop Justin off. At the light to turn to go down the on ramp, there was a dead skunk in the middle of the road. The other side of the road. Oncoming cars had to go around or straddle it. With the windows rolled up and the air on, we could still smell it.

I thought - here's my opportunity! I can be "Dad" and educate my son. So, I say, "Look, buddy! - There's a dead skunk. Ya smell that? When a skunk feels that a bad animal or a bad person is around, they spray that stink to make them go away." I was pretty proud of myself, I tried to use language he would understand; not make it too complicated, get the basic idea across and inform and educate my son. I thought I was pretty cool.

Here's what I got back

"Augh! That smell! It's EVERY where! I smell it every WHERE! It's on me! Is it on my clothes? It's on my clothes! It's ALL OVER me! Will it EVER go away? When will it go away? If I'm smelling like skunk, then I CAN'T go to karate! How many bath am I gonna have to take to get rid of that smell? Many bath? How many days? Will it be on me forever?"

At this point, Cathy is howling, tears streaming down her face as I am repeating this story to her, in my son's voice. If you've seen Adam Sandler in Click with Kate Beckinsale and David Hasslehoff, you might have an idea why we were laughing so hard. There's a scene, that's pretty raunchy, where Sandler gets mad at his boss, pauses his life and climbs up on his boss' desk. What he does next is pretty crude and raunchy. He presses play on the remote for his life and his boss' reaction is the real punchline.

Justin kept on asking how long he was going to be stuck with the stink until we got off the highway, near where I work, and started heading toward school.

"I'm gonna smell like this forever! How do I get this smell off me?"

Not long, I told him, pretty soon he would forget all about it. Then, I told him that it might be kinda cool to tell the other kids in class that he saw a dead skunk in the road on the way to school.

He could even ask the kids sitting next to him if they smelled skunk on him.

I'm expecting a call from the school any minute...

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Dave sez,

Hi! We're Cathy and Dave - and now Justin - and soon Ethan (nee Shani)! Thanks so much for taking the time to get to know us and become more aware of the "blended family" through adoption. Since we started our journey we've seen that EVERY one is touched in some way through adoption. We hope that our adventure touches you.

A year ago, Cathy and I had finally gotten our invitation to travel to Kiev for an appointment at the SDA. It was there that we would be formally introduced to our son and ask to spend time with him and get to know him better and then select him and bring him home permanently. Except for a number of pictures, that we are still grateful for getting by e-mail from other families adopting at the orphanage, we hadn't seen him since January.

We called him every Sunday morning before church. We struggled with Google Translate. We agonized over every "baka" (goodbye). It felt like we were slitting our wrists every time we severed the phone connection over nineteen hours from our living room to the orphanage hallway where the phone hung on the wall.

There were six weeks that we didn't get to talk to him because he was on a summer trip to The Black Sea in Crimea in the south of Ukraine.

Our flight was on September 11th for a September 12th appointment.

Cathy and I stood up individually and told the judge that we could not live without this boy. He nearly fell off the courtroom bench and exploded on the floor when she and I expressed how much we wanted him.

Yesterday was his FIRST day of Sixth Grade Newcomers. His third first day of school. He is excited about Math, one of his favorite subjects. He's excited about P. E.

As he fell asleep last night, he told me how frustrated he was that he wasn't learning faster. He wanted to pick things up in class (finger snap), just like that.

In the car this morning, after he said, "Let's roll, Kato!", he told me about a dream he had last night after he - finally! - fell asleep.

"I dreamed that when Shani comes home he knew English as good as I know now, yeah, Popi?"

It took me a second to get it. Yeah, I'm pretty slow. I started by telling him that nothing happens instantly, like (finger snap) that.

"But I dreamed that when Shani comes home with you, he'll know English how I know now, yeah, Popi?"

That's awesome, buddy. Both things you said.

I'm glad that he realizes now that four is better than three. He's going to have a lot more fun with a younger brother - who is taller than he is - than just by himself...with his Mom and Popi. Being an older brother comes with built-in responsibilities. But, now he seems up to the job.

Right now, we're trying to plan housing in Kiev. There's an English-speaking church we visited last year, we'll be visiting again this year. We've been in touch with them. One last thing on the to-do list to get ready to go.

We're still waiting for word on an invitation. Then, we roll.

I don't know anyone that has adopted again so soon after adopting a first time. I think our situation is unique. It's a shame that our boys have had to be separated for twelve months...but Cathy and Justin and I have needed time to adjust to one another. It's going to be interesting for Cathy and me to go man-on-man with both boys. I may need to take up karate myself!

It is amazing to see the changes in our world. How different life is now than it was. I know that Cathy and I had time before Justin...I just don't remember a whole lot of what it was like. Not that Cathy's boring, but it was only just the two of us. Now, it's a whole lot more!

Crack Me Up!

Dave sez,

Hi! We're Cathy and Dave. Thanks for taking the time to get to know us better and follow our exciting adventures with Justin as we get ready to Bring Shani Home. We hope that we have made you more aware of adoption. According to what we learned on our trip to Kiev to bring Justin home of the total number of orphans worldwide, the largest number of them - close to 150,000 - are in Ukraine.

Have we told you how funny Justin is? The boy is like an onion, really. Stinky until he takes a shower. Ba-dump-bump!

No, he has a lot of layers. He is bold when it comes to karate, sports and video games; but, he doesn't like to sleep alone in his own room yet. Whenever he gets the opportunity to sleep with Mom he jumps at it. He got up one morning and told me, "Popi! I'm not sleeping with Mommy any more! She SNORES!" And then he threw his head back, snorting loudly, so I would get the idea of just how Mommy was keeping him awake the night before with her snoring. He went on to lament in great detail how Mommy kept him up with her snoring. How he couldn't sleep and how tired he was...

We have a lot of fun on the tram-p'line together. My whole purpose in playing with him on the tram-p'line is to bounce him higher. I usually start bouncing, then jumping, in the center, like the Death Star, with Justin bouncing around me near the edge like an X-wing fighter, or the Millennium Falcon - "That's no moon." He ends up flipping and flopping around like a fish. He jumps right back up, with, "I'm okay!"

We're playing a fun tram-p'line game called, Touch The Bill of Popi's Hat. It's bounce, bounce, reach for Popi's cap bill, bounce, spin-twirl-reach again, bounce reach again. What it actually is, is bounce, bounce, smack Popi in the face, bounce, slap Popi in the face, bounce, flip, somersault, flop into the side netting, slide down, sit up quickly and proclaim - "That was AWESOME!"

He threw a kick at me today while we were tram-p'lining. I grabbed his ankle. He yelped. "Stop!" He cried, "Let go! You'll make me fart!"

Ah, sweet flatulence...

We do have Tram-p'line Confessions.

We talk about his responsibility as older brother to Ethan (nee Shani). We talk about God. Jesus. The Bad Guy. He Who Shall Not Be Named. Angels. Demons. Ghosts. Nightmares. Flatulence. Dreaming about farting.

Sometimes, he manages to show off six back flips and one somersault.

FIRST, Real Birthday

Dave sez,

Hi! We're Cathy and Dave. Thanks for taking the time to get to know us and be part of our adventure with Justin and journey to bring Ethan (nee Shani) home. Did you know that, of the total number of boys and girls that need forever, Ukraine has the largest population - near 150,000. So many starfish...

I found this story, from The Daily Mail, yesterday ~

Parents today are giving in to their children's demand for presents whenever they ask for them. The 'Generation Give-In' style of parenting has been embraced by moms and dads who feel guilty for working long hours and don't want their children to be bullied at school for not having the latest 'must-have' item. A new study found that this leads to parents spending an average $750 a year on presents for their kids. Rather than waiting until their son or daughter has 'earned' the privilege of being treated to something new, six in ten parents admit they buy their children the latest trends and collectables as soon as they ask for them. 17% said they didn't want to disappoint their children when they are under peer pressure at school to have the best of everything.

I was raised to look at my birthday less like Christmas and more like Thanksgiving. Dad grew up during the Depression. He grew up with very little. There were times when food was taken away from him and given to working adults. Materialism wasn't a big deal for him. Like most of us, he learned that things and stuff came from either blessings or hard work. And, like most of us he spent his whole life on the hard work.

What I'm trying to pass on to Justin is a bond that he and I will always have. He's my boy. I'm his popi, his dadji, as he calls me now. I will always be there for him. That's stronger than things or stuff.

My dad didn't know what to do with kids. That's not meant as judgement or condemnation or self-pity. It's just the way he was. He worked. When he wasn't working it was usually dinner time. After dinner time he was sleeping. My sister Paula taught me how to fly. I learned my love of baseball from my older brothers Matt and Tim.

The last few years of his life, he introduced himself as my dad. He started conversations by asking people what radio station they listened to. Then he told them where I worked and what I did. He encouraged people to listen.

My son, Justin, wants to DO things with us. Trampoline. Baseball. Basketball. Soccer. Whatever we do, wherever we go, he wants it to be together. A shared experience.

He can not jump high on the trampoline unless I bounce him higher. I love our Trampoline Confessions. He told me that he is trying to listen more. "I'm listening more - I dunno why - but I'm trying!"

I told him that I never had a trampoline growing up. I didn't play much basketball or baseball or soccer or throw a football. I tell him that a lot of the things we're doing I haven't done before he came along.

"I bring you fun?"

Yes. Yes you do.

Yesterday I counted my blessings. It was Justin's FIRST, real birthday. Last year he had only just heard about my birthday. We went out to Buffalo Wild Wings. I ordered a beer without thinking about it. He pushed his Sprite away and put his head down on the table and wouldn't talk any more. Cathy told me to take him away from the table and the beer, up front and talk to him. I did. I was nervous and scared, because it was the first time I had to do anything like that. I kept it simple. I asked him what was wrong. Nothing. I asked if it was the beer. He nodded. "Alcohol makes people do bad things." Can I get an "amen"? I told him I wouldn't have the beer. I wouldn't have any thing that would come between us. We ate. We went home and called the interpreter. While we were all taking turns on the phone translating all of this, my son came over to me and said, "Popi - look: One beer, fine - two beer fine - three beer - NO!", and he waved his arms like he was calling safe at home. Now, when we go out, he gives me permission! And I say, "Yes, sir!"

I'm hoping that by Thanksgiving I have one more blessing to add to my list.

His name is Ethan. He's my next son. He was Justin's cousin. They'll be brothers. That's a bond that can not be broken.

Surprise! Another FIRST!

Dave sez,

Hi! We're Cathy and Dave; and this is our journey from couplehood to parenthood through the wonder that is international adoption. Thanks for taking the time to get to know us and enjoy our adventures...

I thought we had reached the end of our FIRSTS. I thought that any more FIRSTS would come with Shani (Ethan) and Justin together...

This Friday, August 10th  is Justin's 11th birthday. He'd been begging for months for a tram-p'line. He's been begging for a cell phone, too; but, he's serious about the tram-p'line. He wants it; he needs it; he's gotta have it; can't live without it; he'll just die if he doesn't get it! Remember when you were one year going on another and that thing you wanted more than anything else in the whole world was all that you could think about? You would do anything to have it. Promise anything. Agree to anything. Say anything.

One of the challenges we're having is behavior and discipline. He wants to be and say and do whatever he wants and when we punish him it's pretty much useless to take away privileges or stuff - because he is used to having nothing that is his own. Up til now he's shared everything. The children at the orphanage shared everything, sometimes even clothes. So, there is this attitude of both possessiveness - I don't want to share my stuff with anyone else, it's mine - mixed with - Go ahead, take it! Take it all! I don' want it; I don' need it! I don' need anything.

It's a challenge, because what we want Justin to learn is the difference between things that are gifts and things that we work for to earn. Believe it or not, that's a religious principal. There are things that we have that are gifts and blessings that we can't get for ourselves. Other things we work for to earn. Wisdom tells the difference.

So, his mother picked it up the other day, and promised him that if the weather was nice it would be put together yesterday. Friday night it rained. It poured. Just about any time I even think about cleaning up the back yard, it's raining or something. More often than not, the or something is what gets me in trouble.

Justin was upset that it rained and that most of the morning was cloudy and that the grass was wet. I won't tell you how tall I'd let the grass grow this time, but we have three dogs: two bassets and a Jack Russell terrier, and we've outfitted them with infrared so we can easily track them while they are outside in the back yard. Because that's so much easier.

Justin spent most of his time looking out the window, providing color commentary on the cloud-to-sun ratio. "Popi! Look the sun is coming out! Awww, it's cloudy again! The sun is coming out! Awww, it's cloudy again!"

Then it was "you said" time. You said you would put it together today! You're a liar! He spent some time throwing himself on his bed, and some time standing in the corner.

I'm not proud that another one of the projects I've been putting off over the last couple of years of our adventure is hanging a curtain rod. It's a simple five minute project that I've never gotten around to until yesterday.

After that, we agreed it was time to tackle the back yard. Together.

We took turns mowing and raking. I don't consider myself a possessive tool guy, but it is really hard to let go of my baby and stand with a rake in my hand while watching someone else...y'know. It's like the FIRST time you hand the car keys over to your girlfriend or new wife. You know there's nothing wrong - nothing will happen - but there's still that separation anxiety, where both your wife and your son have to pry your fingers off the mower handle while telling you that every thing will be alright. And as much as you want to enjoy the FIRST time your son is mowing the lawn, you try to fight the urge to scream STRAIGHT LINE! STRAIGHT LINE!

It really was enjoyable explaining the mowing process to Justin. He was ready to carve his path, and his name in the lawn, and I was explaining how best he could cut his swath across time on this historic occasion.

Of course the best part was when his mother was mowing and he was following close, and calling out to me, "Popi! Popi! Hurry! Run! Issa poop!"

Awwww, yeah...give that kid a microphone!

And then, suddenly, I was shocked out of my reverie when our faithful lawn mowing companion Tonto/Kato died unexpectedly!

No longer could I fire it up and say, "Let's roll, Kato!"

We had a moment of silence, and then - because we were still in the middle of the project - it was a quick run out for a replacement. Justin was so excited, he kept his usual running commentary going on every second of the process, from pulling it out of the back of the van, to assembling it; filling it with gas and oil and his first firing it up. This one seemed to better fit him than Old Faithful. This could very well be the start of me passing on the reigns of lawn care to Justin and/or Shani (Ethan)

Wow. Just thinking about that, I realize I have been mowing grass for a very long, long time. It's not going to be easy to let something like that go. But, it's for the best. It's a learning experience. I'm learning to trust my son with responsibility. Trust that he is going to make me proud. That he is going to join the pantheon of lawn care specialists!

He will be LEGEND! "The One".

For allowance.