The Dad I Am Today

Fun Fact: Walter "Radar" O'Reilly was the only character on M*A*S*H to write home to his mother. Hawkeye's dad was a widower. Henry and Frank got home movies and made phone calls to their wives. BJ wrote home to his wife, and daughter. Trapper didn't really write or call home much, did he? Maybe that's why Pernell Roberts was divorced on Trapper John, MD...

Dear Mom,

It's been a month since you've been gone. Four weeks. Thirty days. You know how terrible I am at Math. You once tried to show me subtraction with blocks. You set out ten blocks. You took five and put them behind you back. You asked how many blocks there were left. I said ten. Five on the table and the other five behind your back. So, you know that I can't begin to count to hours, minutes and seconds you've been gone.

Cathy and I were so shocked. Everything seemed fine. She called me home from work when you took a tumble in the bathroom. Every thing checked out alright.

You put on a fresh pot of coffee.

You sat down in your chair.

And then, you were gone.

We could see you in your chair from where we sit in the living room. It looked like you had just dozed off in front of the television. You'd done that before.

I don't know that there's a "good" way to handle grief. I called 9-1-1, frantic, in a panic.

I could barely talk to let Paula know you'd left us.

You know how much I enjoy Time Travel. Rod Taylor in the Classic, The Time Machine. Quantum Leap. Uncle Martin's time machine. Doctor Who. I see you with Dad again. Grandma Ruth and Grandma Sophie. Uncle Bob and Aunt Lois. Uncle Frank. Uncle Jim. Your Uncle Harold. Just a few of the many friends you and Dad made over the years, Bob and Margaret. You're telling Dad about our Adoption Journey. The ups, the downs.

So much has happened over the years. There's so much to catch him up on.

Squeaker is just one of the many great-grandchildren to tell Dad about. You really took to her. You were really looking forward to her talking and walking. I'll keep you posted on her progress. I'll keep my promise to you that we'll have a gate across of the stairs to keep her safe.

I hope you tell Dad that I tried my best to keep my promise to him. When I held his hand for the last time, I promised him that we would take care of each other. It was okay. If he was tired. If he wanted to rest. It was okay. He'd fought the good fight. We love him and we were proud of his courage.

You're telling him that we miss him, still, I know. Just as much as we're going to miss you.

But The Promise is that we will all be together again.

Thank you for telling me every day that you're glad I'm your son. I'm glad, too.

Thank you for making me the Dad I am today.

I miss you so much.

I love you,

Dave

The One About All The Hair Cutting

Dave sez,

As you can see, I don't really have to worry about haircuts anymore.

It was a conscious pre-meditated decision. I had the opportunity to be part of an ice-cream eating competition a few years back. I thought it would be fun to put a bet on it. I'd never been in any kind of eating contest before. The odds of me winning were slim to none. I was more grateful to be asked and glad to participate. I said if I lost I would shave my head. Turns out I liked the look and felt comfortable with it. With my thinning hairline, there was no going back.

Now, our boys on the other hand... Their hair grows pretty fast! Surprisingly fast! It seems like we're going to the barber every other week. It's really something more like six weeks. But it seems like we're always going to the barber. Mainly because as soon as we get home from the barber, the boys start asking, "When are we going to get a haircut?"

We were trying to plan the next visit, when Justin stopped asking.

It was this past Sunday morning. We're were getting ready for church. Ethan and Bella were at the table eating breakfast. I didn't see Justin. I thought he was prettifying himself in front of the bathroom mirror as usual. I went downstairs and found him in the bathroom - cutting his hair.

I was kind of surprised.

There was some hair on the bathroom floor and on the counter top. I expected that. I expected there to be some clean up afterward. A couple of days later there was some hair on the floor that he had missed. After a "thorough" cleaning.

I was surprised that there was no blood, or a missing ear, or a tragic, tragic folicular mishap. I was impressed that he was able to trim his own hair as well as he did. He did need some help cleaning up his collar line. I pulled out a straight razor and helped him with that. On the whole, he did a pretty good job.

I'm pretty impressed that he managed to keep a steady hand.

He looked at me with a smile on his face and said, "After church, I'll cut Ethan's hair!"

You're thinkin' the same thing I am, aren't you? Of course you are. 'Cos I'm thinking that at some point, Justin's going to get a wild idea about pranking his brother. He's going to trim a little to close, or there'll be some kind of "oops" moment of some kind. It could happen. It wouldn't unexpected.

What is surprising is the resourcefulness and ingenuity that Justin showed. Of course, there's the trust that Ethan had in Justin cutting his hair. Justin saw something that needed doing and he did it. That's pretty impressive. What's more his execution was as sure as his intent.

When a person sets his or her mind to it, nothing is impossible. Somethings are better choices than others. It's encouraging to see character as it develops. That makes any parent proud.

 

The One About The Mister-E

Dave sez,

There is nothin' like a piping mug of hot chocolate to warm the bones on one of the coldest nights in January. There's a Wind Chill Advisory posted. It's supposed to be around thirty-five below, Wind Chill Factor. It's not an Irish Hot Chocolate. Wish it were. I could go for a cold one. Or a stiff one. But the hot chocolate will do. For now.

I'm pretending to look over Ethan's test results. Last Friday he had a hearing test.

As a radio geek, I thought it was pretty cool. The audiologist welcomed us into a room with a chair in the middle. Like most clinic examination rooms there was a desk and a guest chair right inside the door. The desk had what looked like a small digital sound editor. I recognized it as something similar to the phone editor we use to take contest calls and requests in the control room. There was a supply cabinet above the desk. Next to the digital editor were ear bud covers in a rainbow of different colors. Between the desk and the chair in the middle of the room was a screen mounted on a swivel arm, and another arm with a bunch of different headphones. Behind the chair were speakers. some of the smaller speakers were covered in glass. There was a small monitor set to one side of the speaker array. The same set-up was on the opposite wall, to the left of the door. In one corner, behind the chair, was a small table. Above that was a poster hung on the wall, mapping out an ear canal. The walls were made of what looked like sound tiles. Instead of solid panels, there were tiny holes in the paneling. There was a door leading to a control room with a desktop and mixing board.

Jerry Hardin from The X-Files

The Audiologist was a kindly, older man. Neither Ethan or I knew what to expect; but the room and the audiologist put us at ease and made us feel comfortable.

It was funny to watch Ethan's face as the audiologist put the headphones into his ears. He had to make sure they were snug to get an accurate reading. There were a couple of times that Ethan screwed up his face like Popeye.

Strong to the finnich!

The audiologist spent a few minutes on tests from the control room. Then he came over to the desk for a few more tests on the digital editor. After that, he took us to another, smaller room, that just had a couple of chaise lounge chairs and a table with a desktop and printer. This was is not that greatthe last part of the exam. He led us back to the first room and printed out the results.

My mom is almost 84. She is hard of hearing because of her age. The only way she can hear is up close, with a loud, booming voice.

Over the course of my career, my hearing has deteriorated. Headphones are never loud enough. My hearing is not that great.

Ethan is having trouble in his classrooms because of his hearing. The next step is an audiologist will evaluate his classrooms to see what technology can help him there.

He has greater needs than his brother. Justin is a pretty healthy kid. We've been able to pin Ethan down as a year older than Justin, but less developed. Ethan is a couple of grades behind Justin. He reads at a third grade level. As much as I would like to encourage him to rise to the occasion and work harder to catch up, this may very well be Ethan's normal.

He's my son. I keep wondering every day if I am doing what's right for him. I ask for the guidance to provide the encouragement he needs. At his age, all I ever wanted to do was watch television and read comic books. I see that he needs the same prodding and motivation. Video games and social media have made us all like the folks in Wall*E.

Wowzers!

The struggle that Ethan, Justin and Bella all have is that they are waiting. Waiting for the next stage. The next milestone is sixteen, when they can start applying and hopefully get hired on jobs. Justin and Bella are chomping at the bit to work fast food. Ethan...not so much.

We're all trying to see what needs Ethan has, and how best those needs can be met. The most basic need my son has is support and encouragement no matter what. 

I love my boy. He may be a Mister-E... but, I want to be there for him. We are on this journey together, all of us. Every step of the way. 

The One About The Listening And The Hearing

Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil, See No Evil

Dave sez,

If social media is the new water cooler, here's a slice of what people are talking about. Politics. Religion. Goals. Health, exercise and weight loss. The Oregon stand-off. Gun-control. Freedom. The Netflix documentary, How to Make a Murderer. The Packers losing every single important game at Lambeau Field. The Vikings playoff chances. Michael Weatherly leaving NCIS after thirteen seasons. Maybe I'm the only one talking about that last one. I am really bummed that he's leaving! He's been a huge part of the show. For thirteen seasons!

Our boy, Ethan has been struggling through his first semester, transitioning from the Newcomers Program to regular classes.

He had one A+ this first semester. Gym.

I just turned 50 this passed August. I could get an A+ in gym.

That's right. Tony Stark could get an A+ in gym. In a cave. With a box of spare parts.

I like to think that I am an inspirational motivator. I've got the memes to prove it. And yet, somehow I've managed to become my Dad.

What I have been struggling with on our journey is how to motivate Ethan. He comes home from school, just as I did when I was his age. He doesn't bring any work home from school. When asked, he doesn't have homework. He doesn't study. He doesn't like to read. There was a time when I didn't like to read. I was forced to at first. It was not fun. It was awkward. But I learned to enjoy reading. I get that some dudes are not readers. It's not cool. Boys are more active. If Ethan and Justin are not actively participating in sports, video games are the next best thing. Ethan loves wrestling and WWE. Like any boy he loves combat. That would explain the A+ in gym and the bad grades in every other class.

Cathy and I have had to take away his video game privileges. He has very, extremely limited electronic privileges. It's not fun, but we've gotten to the point where we micro-manage him. Conversation adjusts to passive-aggressive interrogation.

Since he's come home, we have been trying to discover his baseline. What is normal for Ethan?

He is not Justin. We don't want him to be. That wouldn't be right or fair. He needs to be the best Ethan he can be. But what is that? What does it look like?

Signs that he doesn't like school and struggles with classwork and homework can be easily misinterpreted. This is what we struggle with. We struggle with our son's natural inclination for video games and play. For sloth and laziness. For making easy choices and taking the path of least resistance. Decisions that snowball into bad grades.

We saw Justin struggle his first semester in middle school, too. He was stressed. It wasn't easy. His stress was compounded that first regular semester by Cathy and I going to bring Justin's brother Ethan home. All three of our children have gone through a tremendous amount of change in a short period of time. Adjusting hasn't been easy. The every day adjustment is to a new set of guidelines, rules and authority.

We developed a game plan for Justin just as much as he worked to develop a game plan for us. We saw the same thing from Ethan. He developed behaviors, habits and strategies as well. We had to develop a whole new plan for him. We saw Justin behave strong-willed, obstinate and bullheaded. Ethan was manipulative. He was smooth. He used his smile and phrases like, "It wasn't me!" and "I didn't know!" as long and as far as he could. He still uses it.

On top of being an older, special needs child, our boy Ethan may have a serious handicap. It is one thing to struggle with a learning disability. It is another when that is compounded by a hearing disability.

I know I was light-hearted. Maybe Ethan just has a thinking disability. Maybe it's all just motivation. He needs to have a fire lit under him. Ethan just needs the right encouragement.

What is the right encouragement for Ethan? It certainly is most definitely not the same encouragement Cathy and I would give Justin. For Justin, we point to a mountain, and we tell him, you go take that hill. For Ethan, it may just be stand up. Stand up, stand tall. Hold your ground.

I really am going to miss very Special Agent Anthony "Tony" DiNozzo after he leaves NCIS. He made having The Plague look so easy...

The One About The Being There For You

"I have been, and always shall be, your friend."

"...A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple braided cord is not easily broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:12

Dave sez,

Where do we forge friendships? The playground? The classroom? The Youth Group? What fire do we use? 

I am very proud of our kids. They're pretty smart. But sometimes smart people do dumb things. No one is immune. I saw a study the other day. Researchers in Budapest collected behaviors that were described as "stupid". The researchers showed the "stupid" behaviors to students and asked if they agreed, that, yes, indeed the behaviors were in fact "stupid". The researchers did not stop there, though. They asked the students to choose from a list of reasons why the behaviors could be described as "stupid". They came up with a list of three reasons: overconfidence, lack of control, and absent-mindedness.

Now, while that is pretty broad and general, it makes me think of a certain type of person. Someone young. Someone that could be described as immature.

Kids tend to be overconfident and absent-minded.

They also exhibit a serious lack of control. Or, what could be described as peer-pressure.

One of the biggest challenges that Cathy and I have, and I would think any adoptive parent faces - just like any birth parent - is trust. Natural parents have the benefit of a few years to build that trust. Cathy and I try to make every second count. Bella has been home a little over a year-and-a-half. Ethan reached his three-year anniversary just the other day, December 7th. Justin has been home four years. That's not a lot of time. Hopefully, over that time, we have made a significant amount of effort. Especially for that moment of truth.

There are the little things. The chinks that need to be improved on and refined.

I remember being Fourteen. It ain't easy. There's high expectations, but low returns. There are very few privileges. Can't get hired to work, can't get a driver's license until Sixteen. That's a trusted responsibility as well as a privilege. There's homework. Lots of it. Every hour in class, every assignment, every project counts. High school counts more than middle school did. High school builds on the skills learned in middle school. The transition isn't easy.

From my armchair, I saw all three kids in maybe two classrooms with maybe two or three teachers. I couldn't tell you how many children were in the Newcomers program. But, from where I was sitting, it seemed pretty concentrated and focused. Their teachers were great! I admire teachers. They work very hard, and get very little thanks for it. The boys went to two different schools for the Newcomers program. A Fifth Grade and then a Sixth Grade Newcomers program. They all experienced the same adjustment going from being in one or two classrooms and labs to having seven different classrooms and teachers - and being in a large classroom. Justin was very stressed. He was pulling his hair out, having anxiety and panic attacks. Ethan is feeling overwhelmed. Bella has managed to compose her stress, but it's still there, under the surface. This helplessness and frustration kinda builds up into anger, from what we've seen and experienced. Justin has told us that he feels angry for no reason. 

It could be that helpless and powerless feeling of Fourteen. And desperately trying to find a place. Trying to fit in and find a "crowd".

It's not easy. 

I am watching and waiting to see them each find that one friend - or two, or more - like I found when I was their age. 

There is a Proverb that says that "iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens his (or her) friend." I found that. I had that. I want that for my kids. A friend that builds up and challenges them to be better. It's pretty tricky finding a friend that challenges, sharpens and inspires rather than dares. There's a difference between a Dare and a Challenge. There's verse after verse about what happens to the wrong kind of friend in the wrong kind of crowd.

Watching the kids develop friendships and relationships is kind of like watching them do most anything else. Like watching them ride a bike for the first time or make a lay-up. It's not like Wizard's Chess. They have to do it themselves. 

It's not easy standing on the sidelines cheering.   

The One About Boys And Girls

Dave sez,

Okay, let me get this out of the way right from the start: I never had a girlfriend when I was in school. It was a combination of a few things. I wasn't raised that way. At least, I don't remember being raised that way. Academics was important. Getting good grades was the thing. Yeah, I know, I kinda blew that one. At best, I was a mediocre student. That's being kind and sugar-coating it. I hid that pretty well behind glasses starting in the Fifth Grade. I was a nerd. Not the Lord of the Rings or Chronicles of Narnia kind of nerd. I was the, Who would win, Superman or The Incredible Hulk kind of nerd. (The answer is Batman; because of his utility belt!) I was self-conscious about my appearance. I was also pretty good at being invisible.

Don't feel sorry for me. I'm not looking for sympathy. I just wanted to get that out of the way before I share the latest adjustment I'm having with our kids.

Justin doesn't have any self-image problems. He's pretty much over-confident. He's very conscious of his appearance, and takes great care of his looks and appearance. He's very fashion conscious. Okay, I have to confess that, if I could, I would probably have a Batman costume in my closet. I thought it was pretty cool, that track suit that Lee Majors wore as Col. Steve Austin, The Six Million Dollar Man. I begged my parents to get me a running suit just like it, and they did.

Yeah, I pretty much wore it around the house until it wore out. And I moved around in slow motion, "nnnuh-nuh-nuh-nuh..." Yeah.

Justin is just as conscious of clothes and shoes.

If I had to sum up my son Justin, I would say, Think Reggie Mantle.

Devious. Mischievous. You would probably recognize Reggie more by the name he goes by now: Artemis Fowl. We all know it, kids a super-villain masterminds. Always plotting, always scheming, always conniving.

Ethan is Jughead, and that is not meant as a slight or insult. Just an honest assessment.

Yes. he's a "foody", but he does like girls.

Our daughter, Bella, is like her The Twilight Saga namesake. A Betty that wants to be a Veronica.

    

The adjustment I'm having to make is that my sons have girlfriends and my daughter has a boyfriend. Walk along with me on this. I'm not having a problem with losing them to someone else. I am more than happy for them to find The One. But what Cathy and I see is, that first rejection, that first abandonment affects all of their relationships. I've seen how it affects their relationship with Cathy and me. How we have to work to trust each other. Over the years, trust has been a big issue. The first six months Justin was home, he was convinced that there was a breaking point, where we could send him back to the orphanage. I'm not sure where exactly he got such a foolish notion from. I don't think anyone from the orphanage or the adoption agency would tell him, Ethan or Bella that. Cathy and I certainly never said that to him. He spent the first six month pushing buttons, to see how far he could push. He's never stopped pushing his boundaries.

I've seen him develop other relationships. Friendships in school.

All three of our kids make friends pretty easily, which is good. 

It's their definition of "friend", that has me concerned. If you're a parent, you have the same concerns. When your child reaches a certain age, like the teenage years, your influence on them pales in comparison to the influence their friends have. It doesn't take a degree in rocket-brain surgery to figure out. Just eyes and ears. And a heart on your sleeve.

As much as we want to be accepted and embraced by our children, they are desperately trying to find acceptance with friends at school. I believe the scientific term for that is "peer pressure".

The basic adjustment I'm trying to make to my three children is that they are not only making friends that I have to adjust and accept, but that Justin and Ethan have girlfriends and Bella has a boyfriend. The adjustment is all semantics.

I tell them they have friends, which is cool. Justin and Ethan have buddies that they hang around with. They also have friends that are girls. Bella has friends that are boys. Their definition of boyfriend and girlfriend is a little different than mine. Justin and Ethan define a girlfriend as a friend that is of the female persuasion whom they hang around with at school. The length of time may vary. It may be a day. It may be a week. Or two. It is a temporary relationship. It is finite. 

My definition of a "girlfriend" for my boys and a "boyfriend" for my daughter is, The One they reach after getting good grades in school and a steady employment. It's great that they have friends. Friends are awesome. But, when you want to do something with your friends, a person kinda needs the means. Some people say it's all about the Benjamins. That ain't no lie. I don't know any girl that isn't impressed by a car, a job or a paycheck. That's not "high maintenance" or "stuck-up". At the same time, I hope my daughter learns to be encouraging and supportive. Peer pressure should work for good as much as it most often works for evil.

I think we all need to be inspired. 

I smile when my kids tell me about new friends they make. The first time Justin told me he had a girlfriend, I asked him, "What's her name?" He said, "I don't know." You have a girlfriend, and you don't know her name? Dude that's not a girlfriend, that's a Crush. Crush is a soda. It comes in a can.

Then I asked what I thought was the most enlightened question in the history of the universe. I was pretty proud of this moment. 

"What color are her eyes?" My son told me, "I don't know."

So, let me see if I got this: you don't know your girlfriend's name or the color of her eyes? Dude that's not even a Crush. Are you sure you're even in the same room?

It took a few days and some convincing, but I got him to take a photo of this girlfriend. They've long since moved on from each other, but hopefully it is one small step forward.

The secret of life: it's all relationships. 

One foot in front of the other, on a journey of a thousand similar similar steps that will lead forward. Forward. Ever onward. A journey that never really ends, but just winds and turns and curves.

God blessed the broken road/That led me straight to you...

    

The One With All The Thoughts And Feels

Dave sez,

So Justin has been home just a little over four years now. He's adjusting and fitting in. Like most of us were and are in high school, he's desperate to find his niche with the "cool crowd" and fit in.

We will celebrate Ethan's third anniversary home with us in just a few days, on December 7th. To me, it is still "a date that will live in in-FAMY!"

Bella's second anniversary home comes up at the end of next May, 2016. She has a young man in her life now. Her First Boyfriend. They've been an item since the end of Summer.

One of the things I've learned over the last few months is that adoption includes everything. We didn't just adopt three children. We adopted their habits. Their character. We adopted their choices and decisions. Their friends. Their potential. Their ambition...or lack of it.


November has been the annual National Adoption Month. Over the last few weeks there has been a lot of talk about refugees.

I have to be honest, I don't have an opinion. Even if I did, I don't think I have a place to share it. I've come to the conclusion that most people are blowhards. I include myself when I say that. I like movies, television shows and music. It really doesn't matter to me whether or not Charlie Sheen is HIV-positive. It doesn't matter to be whether or not he was blackmailed or pressured into the confession. I don't care if Kim Kardashian wants a natural child birth over a C-section, for purely cosmetic reasons. I'm just thinking about how to get from the beginning of my day to the end. Without a lot of psychological or emotional damage.

I have a lot of opinions that I choose to keep to myself. I think more people should do that. But then, there wouldn't be blogs or news programs or networks.

As concerned as I am for my family's safety, and the safety of this Country, let me share a couple of things I learned through our adoption journey that I reflect back on in forming an opinion on allowing refugees to become American citizens.

It was either the first or second night we had arrived in Kiev to bring Justin home. We had found a Russian restaurant. It was amazing. There was a waiter there who spoke English. He was very friendly and he took very good care of us. Both the service and the food was fantastic. The Russian salad and the borscht were delicious. It was late when Cathy and I left our friends to walk back to our apartment.

Up the street, a man was getting out of a car. He walked toward, then passed us. He dropped a zip lock bag of cash. Without thinking, instinctively, I reached down, picked it up and handed it to him. The next thing I know, he's saying there were two bags of cash, one of hrivnas, which I handed him, another of US dollars, which he claimed I held on to. A "plainclothes officer" came over to "help" and they both searched us. They made off with the big bills we had on us.

We learned that there are no plainclothes officers in Ukraine.

We learned that in any disagreement like that the proper response is, Stop. Wait. Let me call the US Embassy.

We learned that no matter where you go, there are bad people; or people doing bad things.

We were told to blend in and not look like Americans or tourists. I spent the entire first trip, bringing Justin home, wearing a green plaid Rochester Honkers baseball cap. Not too many men in Ukraine wear hats or ball caps. Bringing Ethan home I bought two ball caps while there, one from the Chernobyl Hard Rock Cafe - there isn't one - and one was the blue and yellow Ukraine cap I wore everywhere for a year.

After Cathy went home, on all three trips, I tried to be as careful as I could.

I stopped in McDonald's before heading out to visit Justin. There were very few quiet booths or counters to sit at. The dining area is very much like a lunchroom. I ended up sitting across from a gentleman who struck up a conversation with me. He asked what I was doing in Kiev. Business or pleasure. I told him that my wife - who was back at the apartment - and I were adopting. I didn't volunteer much information, 'cos my Dad and Mom tol' me never to talk to strangers. He seemed pretty friendly. I don't remember all these years later what he told me about himself and how he came to be sitting across from me at McDonald's in Independence Square.

A year later, when Ethan and I got to the airport, a soldier motioned us into a small office where other officers asked him if he really wanted to go to America with me. Let me be clear, these Ukrainian soldiers asked my son in the airport before our nineteen hour flight home if he really wanted to come to America with me.

The next thing that happened was, there was an announcement in the airport over the PA that our flight to Frankfurt had been cancelled due to runway conditions there. We were sitting near a gentleman who turned to us and told us that there would be another announcement reversing that. There was. He struck up a conversation with Ethan. he turned to me and asked if I spoke Ukrainian. Then he told me that he could translate if there was anything I wanted to talk to my son about. It was one of those moments. There were so many things I wanted to tell my son, but not really anything I wanted to be translated. I wanted to tell him myself in a way that he would understand. And yet, this stranger was very kind and thoughtful.

And yet, we had Thanksgiving dinner with our host and her friends. Ethan helped prepare dinner. They asked me to pray over the meal. In English. They said "Amen."

Ukraine changed from the Fall of 2013 through the following Spring of 2014. Anyone old enough to remember the compound from the television series M*A*S*H will understand when I compare Independence Square to the 4077th Compound.

Kinda like this, but more tents, and a very narrow walking path

 That Russian restaurant was gone. Closed.

The Double Click Cafe coffee house where I bought a soda and used the internet was closed, too.

We kept our heads down and didn't make eye contact.

There are signs on the inside of all the apartment doors warning not to open to anyone - even to police.

Every time I went to the American Embassy, all I had to do was walk up to someone and say I was an American. That was my All-Access Pass. There were a lot of native Ukrainians waiting on line for their chance to reach freedom.

So, should we adopt refugees? I don't know. There are just as many reasons not to as there are that it is both humanitarian and Christian.

Please don't compare today's refugees to Jewish refugees. The United States did inter Asians as a threat during World War II. That is a better comparison. We did take this land and conquer it and the indigenous population nearly wiping out an entire race and culture. We enslaved others. We have a history of domestic oppression. To this day, some Americans think that's not unusual. Or wrong.

What I do know is that on our first trip outside America, we were met with both the best and the worst. In our time of need, in adopting our children, we have seen great compassion and help from others. The people Cathy and I came into contact with in Ukraine were very generous, patient and understanding with us. We were strangers in a strange and foreign land. Trying to become a family.

Our family is a melting pot, kinda like this country says it is.

Make of that whatever you want to.

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving, and that you experience the true fullness of the holiday season.